Shifting Realities

During the last few days, I've experienced an increase in what I have termed "shifting". That's when you begin to feel like whatever you have experienced a moment before isn't quite the same a moment later. Let me give you an example.

This morning, I stowed my daughter's lunch into her backpack. In one of the pockets, there were some papers onto which she had written a story. The papers poked out, were visible, the zipper of the backpack undone. Then, about 15 minutes later I passed the couch on which the backpack sat and saw that the papers were gone. That outer pocket was still unzipped, but the papers had disappeared. I then went to the back to ask my kid not to forget to take her story to school (I had assumed that she had taken the papers out of the backpack). She answered me that she had put it into her backpack and I left the family room and walked back to the kitchen. I glanced at the backpack and there it was, with the papers sloppily stowed into the outer pocket, as I had seen it while I packed her lunch.

Unless we have some jokester in the house, which we don't, as we are all night owls and hardly grunt at each other in the morning,  I realize that I've been shifting. From one reality to another, where most things are exactly as in the first reality, but there are subtle little differences, like missing papers !

I have noticed shifting consciously about 6 years ago and have then understood many incidents that had puzzled me throughout my life. Finally, I had a somewhat valid, albeit non-scientific explanation to what may have been the cause for my "confusions" in life. The missing and found-again papers is one thing, no biggie, really. I know things are fine. What is entirely unnerving is when you find yourself shifting while driving a car. All of a sudden, pedestrians that weren't there pop out in front of you crossing the road, cars that you "didn't see" appear in the rearview mirror and some even honk at you and you have no clue as to why, because you were to the best of your knowledge committing no offense whatsoever.

I wanted to just type "the fabric of reality is wobbly". But I need to correct myself. The fabric of reality/ies is the same as it ever was. What is wobbly is the veil between realities. Perhaps wobbly isn't the best word, it's probably better described as "more permeable". It is a bit like falling through the cracks without noticing that you're falling at all.

I am not quite certain yet, as to why this phenomenon is appearing more and more in my life. I am ok with living multiple scenarios out in one lifetime. I am ok with that because there is hope that in one of the realities, I actually was kind instead of irritated - or a downright monster. It's actually a sense of grace given by the universe to think that it's not really all a "one shot" deal, but that we have many ways to experience life and that we don't have to have so many regrets. It's like a chance at simultaneous "do overs!". (I am in no way shape or form implying that one has no more responsibility to behave, on the contrary, the need for responsibility for oneself has just increased infinitely.) In fact, there are events in my life that feel like they didn't really happen. I've long since wondered, whether those events were just a phase when I experienced a different reality for a prolonged amount of time and then returned to the "main event". Or, if I was analyzed properly (chuckles) I may just have a severe case of dissociation and denial. Luckily, I have been analyzed and found to be quite sane.

Events like "shifting" may be perceived as if one is in the "wrong movie". What it really is, I believe is a transcendence of the perception of linear time. The process of increasing one's frequency, one's vibration alongside the energetic development of the Earth does have an influence on the DNA. In the physical evolution over the last millenia, the human brain has opened up dormant capacities and has grasped things that our forebears were simply not able to fathom. I believe that what I am experiencing here is nothing other than an increase in mental capacity. My mind, which in the past used to reel at the expansive nature of losing the time-sequences is now just shrugging and sending impulses of gratitude, that nobody got into a car accident while shifting. It's mainly like "ok - now i'm here" (key - pointing to the importance of permanently residing in the moment).

Truly, isn't it safe to assume that the evolution of the human body could now include the experience of "talents" that have been quite special in the past and were known to occur only in some isolated instances? Well, I'm probably still talking to folks who will be born in the 2100s - so someone, make a hard copy of this for their great-great-great-grandchildren....Please! (I certainly am going to do that for mine).

What transpires for me during the experience of shifting is, that the incarnation, the experience of the physical expression of my soul is far greater than what I had previously believed. If we have a myriad of realities that we live in, with minute changes from one reality to the next, there may also be a myriad of realities whenever we make a life changing decision where we go actually both ways, where we experience one decision with a myriad of minute alterations, as well as the other decision, also with it's minute alterations. My mind visualizes this like branches on a tree and the twigs get finer and finer....It does for me hold this image of branching into endless opportunities for experience.

To support the bold statement in the paragraph above, I would like to share that I have made very big decisions in my life. The biggest probably being that I decided to leave my homeland to venture out to the USA and live my life here. Anyone who has emigrated from their home will know that there is a strange sense of homesickness that occurs on either side. It's like having one foot here and one foot there. I have come to terms with this over the years by noticing, that I have other realities in which I have chosen to stay in my homeland. There, I am with other people, living a life that is quite different from the experience I have here. These other realities are a fact for me, as I shift into them from time to time with my consciousness. One could believe that this is all fantasy, imagery, visualization. I know that these "dips" into the other realities are random and not planned. They occur in my opinion, so that I may learn and become conscious of this phenomenon and possibly embrace the incredibly diverse nature of being incarnated. One thing is for certain, and physicists will agree with me. Energy cannot be destroyed. It can only be altered in form. So nothing is ever lost - all is ever present and in that sense "continues", albeit not in that linear sense of time, a perception which seems to be on the way out, at least as far as I can tell.

Stepping into True Power

Before I can step into my true power, I need to ask myself a few questions:

What is true power?

I have only my viewpoint here. Answers to this question may differ and I am not claiming absolute validity for my own answer, it does work for me though.

True power for me is when I am fully aware and in line with every last bit of my soul. When that happens, so I imagine, my full essence, my soul,  will express itself unhindered through this vessel of my physical body.

True power is not borrowed from any other source, but IS my own self. True power is individual. My true power isn’t your true power and vice versa. I cannot claim anyone else’s power as mine. I cannot deny my own power and claim that it isn’t here.

In reverse, it means that as long as I do not live and express my true power here on earth, there is a part of my soul that doesn’t express itself fully here.

Why am I not in it already ?

That question implies that I am not in my true power. I know I am not. This knowledge is a revelation I glean from watching my environment react to me even when I do nothing out of the ordinary.  It is my environment, my mirror that tells me in no uncertain terms, that I am still somewhat afraid of my full power. (People have been and are still afraid of me at times). I see in that mirror, that I put my power down. (People are putting my power down for me and thus show me that that is what I am doing within.) This was a subconscious, and is now a conscious thing – I have learned to live with the inability to step into my full power for many life times and I see the source. The drama of once (or multiple times) having overstepped my bounds and abused my power and created quite some damage has resulted in a compensatory reaction of epic proportion. The trait of being overly careful and downright hiding my power (my soul).

What are the consequences of stepping into my true power?

Well, that’s what I’m afraid of. Downright scared actually… What if I repeat my oops’ from back when? To let down my safeguards that have caused me to tread safely on Earth, lifetime after lifetime without stepping into my full power.

I hear my inner voice … it gently says: “it’s time now to let that go, there is no need to keep hiding your true power”. So it is time huh? .. I will have to ease my way gently into letting down these very important safeguards, for they have helped me stay true to my heart, they have kept me from being overzealous, they have helped me not to inflict harm on others. They have been a very important structure and crutch. To let that all go now seems rather difficult, but I know I will get my courage up and do what’s before me. I know I will work up the trust that I have learned my lessons well and that I will not repeat my mistakes. I know it’s time to realize that I’ve done enough penance – it’s ok now to trust my heart, it’s ok to know that I’m ready.

What are the consequences for not stepping into my true power?

Now that’s really quite the bomb here for me. The implications of what I could all do wrong by stepping into my power are very clear, they seem to be burned into my consciousness. Little did I know that all these lifetimes, where I denied myself the expression of my full power, I have done damage as well. There’s that mine field of polarity again, no matter what you choose…

The consequence for denying myself and the world the expression of my full power is quite big. I cannot fail to see the many instances when I avoided responsibility of who I truly am and what I truly am capable of. Out of fear of causing harm, I’ve failed to bring light to this world.  (I know that sounds quite crass, but in essence, it brings home the point.) There is an actual responsibility here, the responsibility to bring onto this physical plane the FULL potential, the full power of the soul. I’ve shirked this responsibility and am facing it now.

Suddenly everything becomes very clear. What I thought was just the fantastic freedom of middle age, where “wearing my purple hat” and thus expressing my quirkiness any way I choose, was but the very first steps out of my very own prison, where I have kept my power under tight wraps.  

Judgment

For a number of years now, I've observed how conflict begins. I have started conflicts that way, I have lived through conflicts that were started that way and I have observed a pattern. Most conflicts (if not all?) begin because there is a judgment.

I want to look at the word judgment and see how it is defined. There are a number of meanings to the word judgment. One is "common sense", the next one is "decision about blame" and the third I have found is "doom or fate". One could argue that "common sense"-type of judgments are allowed and even necessary and therefore need not to be looked at. One could say that the only judgment that causes conflict has to be the one meaning "decision about blame". I would agree, that this latter form of judgment possibly almost always starts a conflict, even if the other party/ies involved do not respond and therefore extinguish the flame of potential conflict right away. However, I have experienced, that even the "common sense" type of judgmental comments do cause conflict. Bottom line is, that this form of thinking and acting is possibly on the way out. I think it needs to be on the way out, if we want to morph into a society propelled by our hearts. The 14th Dalai Lama's message has been "compassion" for a very long time now. I do believe that he is very correct. While I hold the focus on judgment and shed some light on it's energy, I understand the compassion that meets any judgment to be an expression of "permissiveness".

In the Solar Plexus dominated way of physical life, this kind of permissiveness could not really rise into a popular way of thinking. Rules and regulations have to be in place, or we'd have anarchy, right? - Permissiveness in raising children has surfaced in the 60s, then the 70s, and was soon critisized very harshly. Today, thanks to many children who have come to throw energetic curveballs at the "system", even the most authoritarian and judgmental parents get a crash course in how to embrace letting those little rascals be who they are. I am currently being raised (at least in frequency) by one of those infamous indigo children and she's doing a fantastic job showing me at every step of the way, how my judgment, how my sense of right and wrong meets her rebellious nature. I see that my rolemodeling of being compassionate and permissive results in surprising feats of self-assurance, trust, self-confidence and independence. On top of it, my "outrageous" teenager is humbled by my compassion. It has clearly the very opposite effect to the one I have feared so long, i.e. that she would just simply go haywire and "out-of-hand". The idea that another person could or should be controlled by making judgments on their innermost essence is in all reality preposterous.

I do believe in "you reap what you sow" and I realize that the more compassionate permissiveness I express from the center of my heart, the better my reaped results are. It starts within our closest families and from there the practice of this kind of compassion can ripple out into the world. A heart based society will not need the judgment, it will not need the attachment to being right. It will thrive on being compassionate, permissive and accepting if not understanding of another's processes, experiences and viewpoints at any given time.

This raises a question for me. "What do we do with the "misfits" òf society, those who decide not to move into their hearts, or those who just simply choose a later date for their development?" I see this as the challenge of this time we are in. I see the excitement of this difficult mix of ideas, understandings, frequencies etc. I do believe that each person has the right to do what it takes to keep themselves safe. The right to choose who they are talking to and the right to be who they are. We cannot help but see judgment on ourselves from outside. It usually hurts, or it stings a bit at least. In the understanding that our experience of our world is really but a mirror of our own inner worlds, I cannot omit to mention that we really owe it to ourselves to extend this permissive compassion to ourselves as well (or foremost). After having lived in a judgmental sort of way for a number of years (decades?) it may take a bit of practice to achieve this kind of compassion, but I think it is important that we become aware of each judgment we pass, on ourselves or others and replace it with acceptance and compassion more and more, until it becomes second nature not to judge. 

Holding the Focus

In the linear time-oriented reality, we have had a chance to explore life and re-create life by strictly (unconsciously) re-focusing on what was “real” the day before. We still operate like this to a large extent. In order to fully step into the co-creator role, there is something more that needs to be learned. I feel like I  know all that this co-creator role includes, yet my actually materialized results sometimes leave to be desired. I still re-create my current days one resembling the next. I feel that there’s something I haven’t quite put into practice enough, so that I can claim mastery of it. This little something, my inner voice tells me is “holding the focus”.

I do realize that with the letting go of the attachment to linear time, by means of stepping into the moment, by means of living in this ever expanding momentary state of now, I also step right up the smorgasbord of infinite possibilities. Some of those possibilities are very appealing to me and I am itching to explore them. Yet, for some reason (the voice is piping in that word “focus” again), so well, for that reason, I (obviously) have not had the results that should theoretically manifest in the physical world.

I am blessed with a touch of laziness these days, and I feel it has to do with fully exploring and integrating this timeless state of now. It’s ok, I can allow myself to sit in it a bit longer. However, as with everything that has been experienced long enough, boredom does seep in through the cracks and around the edges. I am excited at the possibilities that I can clearly perceive all around me. I feel it is going to be fun to explore and create and that, in and of itself, may be the crux of it all.

There are almost too many possibilities (“infinite” is kind of a large amount after all).  I can perceive them all at once even if I cannot describe each and everyone in detail. I can sense that they are all there, however, I cannot (yet) focus on more than one or three. And the more focal points I try to grasp, the more the first 2-3 focal points begin slipping away from my attentive grasp. (Perhaps it’s also just a tendency towards a state of ADD, but hey, who needs a diagnosis?)

My inner voice keeps telling me now repeatedly – it’s all about focus. The question is not how I can focus on whatever my heart desires to create, the question is, how strongly can I focus on it, with what intensity? How much of my heart energy (love) am I able to pour into this focal point, into the act of creation, into the creation, into the act of physical manifestation? So far, I’ve managed to hold the focus for a number of days, and smaller things do manifest in that time and even the outlines of the bigger things appear on the horizon of my field of perception.  I have noticed (and I believe that this is all part of my learning to consciously co-create), that some things begin to manifest and then, I forget about them, I forget, just don’t pay mind to them and they slip away again. It’s like they come out of a “fog” to show me it’s there, not quite real, but still the outline is there, the concept is there, the idea, the understanding of it all is there, yet it isn’t manifested yet, so it slips back out into the field of infinite possibilities.

I try to explain this with words that describe time and space, however it’s not really bound to time and space, it seems more to be bound by intensity of energetic focus. (The reader may forgive my repetitive and possibly rather boring blog post, but “focus” is the best (and only) word I can come up with right now).

With the correct amount of focus and intensity of focus, we can indeed conjure whatever our hearts desire and since we are coming from our heart, our wishes do never include harm inflicted on anyone else and that includes all sentient beings, which is the WHOLE of creation, and that also includes those beings without vocal cords, like minerals and plants. Furthermore, our consciousness at this level of existence does not allow the violation of the free will choice of another anymore.

The correct amount of focus may translate into however many days of pouring love energy from our hearts and loving intent into a creation. It may include the need to concentrate on this one thing alone, to visualize just that and not be distracted (at least at first) and it may include also being reactive to where we need to go, what we need to do, which patterns we need to clear, in order to prepare and consciously create the fertile soil to receive the physical manifestation we have embarked on creating.

This act of conscious creation will take on a form individual to the co-creator him- or herself (yeah, I mean you!). It is he or she who is entirely responsible for this creation and how it affects those around him or her.

While writing down this realization, my first hurdle in my own process of becoming a conscious co-creator popped up. I just realized that I rather scatter my focus, I rather shy away from the power this creating business holds, than risk causing harm to another. I guess, inner dialogue with the higher self is always a good way, to begin clearing out patterns and to then check each single creation that we wish to bring forth. Check it really well for all hidden and obvious implications it has – I am sure, my higher self will let me know very clearly with that gut feeling, with that sense of yes or no, whether any idea, any attempt to embark on creating something gets a green light. I will have to trust that and take responsibility once I begin to focus in earnest.

Time

Lately, it seems very obvious to me, time has taken on yet another level of perceived speed. It's Monday, and before you know it, Friday comes around to announce that yet another weekend is before us. Not that I dislike any of the days in particular, it's just that they fly by, whizz by really. The year will be done before long and 2011 will greet us happily come January 1st. It's surreal, I've been waking up wondering whether I really went to sleep. I've been wondering where the night went. It seems to me, I fall asleep and before I know it, it's time to get up again.

Since the actual time concept is but a tool to give us the illusion of linearity of sequence, which then allows our brains to cope with the myriad of things it takes in every moment, I'm not really buying into the time thing. Yet, I do have the memory of how it was when the perception of time was different. I remember hours on end, out in the woods above our house. Where we dug caves into the sand stone and played - and played...for very long lasting hours. Then dinner, then again hours before bedtime, they were long and never ending, so it seemed. Even as a younger adult, I remember time having a quality of "lasting". One had time to savor certain things. Now, If I don't pay attention, the day seems over before I really got going.

I don't think, this has to do with old age. I'm not that old after all and the increase in perceived speed of time has taken a sharp upward turn just in the last few weeks. In my viewpoint, time, the illusion time, isn't really there and as we step up our energetic frequency, we perceive that silly old linear "time" thing differently. Our viewpoint, our focus point changes. It used to be that by growing up and becoming an adult, time seemed to speed up, that too was a change in focus point. It's not time that changes, it's our point of perspective that changes. Time is still an illusion, and once detected, it's easy to see right through it. The conditioning of society as a whole still gives time it's power, still I have to be certain places at certain times and I am grateful for my inner voice that told me over 15 years ago to stop wearing a watch. I've since learned to trust my inner guidance when I have to stop what I'm doing and go where I need to be. I'm pretty much always on time.

The question is now, if we perceive time to pass so much quicker, how can we fit a day's work and play into the hours ? Do we work faster and play harder? There may be a variety of responses to this question, there may be a variety of approaches to how to deal with this "time speed". I only have one approach. I stay in the moment as often and as long as possible. Whenever I do deal with "time" and being "on time", it does briefly interrupt the serenity of being in the moment, but there is a very easy way to get back into the "zone".

I tell myself: "I am here, doing (fill in the blank) right now!" That statement of the obvious, of the present thing that I'm doing at any given moment, brings me right dead smack into the middle of the moment. I take my focus away from "in 2 weeks", "tomorrow", "later, after picking up ...." and don't even think at all about these future things. I have found that I am always ready doing what I need to do, on time etc, even if I do not hold these things in my head, nor in my calendar (I use my phone for communication only, it is not a calendar, appointment book, reminder thing of time for me). Some things, like my kids' performances etc I do think about, I even write them in a big calendar at home. I don't do without these helpful crutches, but truly, I don't continuously keep my mind busy organizing time in my head. By stepping outside of that mental "timekeeping" mode, into the present moment, I feel more alive, connected, vibrant and capable. It takes a bit of getting used to, but I believe it is the only way to still fully enjoy the hours that seem to race by if I try to keep track of them. The funny thing is, in the now, the perception of time ceases to exist completely. In the expansive sensation of being in the moment, there is no perception of passing time at all and we find that we have all the time in the world to accomplish what we choose to do.

The Power of Fun

Some things are just "in the air". That means, many people are talking or thinking about the same or similar things. One such thing has popped up on my radar and it's the idea of "fun" or "play". I've sat with it for a bit and mused on the topic. I realized that my children have been trying to let me know for a good long while now that the world ails, because things they "have to do", like going to school for instance, just aren't fun.

I find myself, having been raised by parents who actually were in their 20s during WWII, to be conditioned somewhat differently. So that means, I have two options - I can either stay where I am at and put my parents' imprint of "there is no fun, you got to work and work hard" onto my children, or I can listen to their inner wisdom and see for myself where I need to get on with the "program" and hop into yet another paradigm shift.  Since I've had to go through so many shifts of changing and adjusting my beliefs, my thinking pathways before, one more surely won't hurt. It could even be fun !

What does it mean to have fun? I'm realizing that in my belief system, having fun almost is "not allowed", it's almost a bad thing! I'm somewhat baffled to unearth this tidbit, yet I let review pass and realize that I've been shown for many years that I'm having this issue. I begin right now actively to change my outlook. Any kind of guilt, of not having done my "work" before play has to simply be let go. Instead, I replace it with "life's easy, child's play and most of all...fun". For how can it truly be fun, if I don't allow my reality to be shaped by the belief that it is ?

One thing is for certain, one doesn't like to do things that are "musts", or "shoulds". We enjoy life much more, if things we "have" to do, actually become fun, or playful. The problem I see is that I still sit and wait for them to become fun on their own, which they don't. So it's really up to me to make them "fun". There are countless ways to instill the sense of fun to everyday tasks and the result will be miraculous, I know this, I sense it. I will be doing things and enjoying them, no matter how "mundane" they are, no matter how I viewed them as "chores" before. I cannot have my "chores" be gone from my daily life, they are there, the laundry needs done, the floors swept, the cat rewarded for finally catching the mouse - you know everyday stuff. It's more about my own attitude, how I can turn on some music or fold laundry while I watch an interesting show. It's about how I enjoy the clean floors and the gratitude I feel towards my silly Luna cat who sometimes thinks she's a dog - It's totally in my own power how I turn "musts" into event of "fun" and now I'm going to sign off, try on this new pair of shoes myself and walk my talk.

Trust that Inner Voice

The inner voices that have guided me for as long as I can think have stirred more than one controversy in my lifetime. I have however, stubborn as I am, held on to them and trusted the messages most of the time. Wait a minute, am I admitting to hearing voices here ? Oops...I guess, yes, I am. Well, I've been born clair-audient and as such have heard voices all my life. It isn't anything to be afraid of, however, it did take me a while to divvy out which voices were truly mine (just kidding).

I have great fondness for my voices (can I call it my inner voice, for different situations brought about different sounding voices, but I believe it was just one all along - my higher self). That one time, when I was on my little motorcycle, when I was 15 years old... I was on the back roads, riding my moped over to go to my internship. It was Summer, my blouse was speckled with little mosquitoes that had splatted against me while riding at a whooping 15 mph (no helmets, wind in my hair, it was Summer in the 70s after all). Right before a small tunnel, this voice of mine demanded with a voice that did not allow for any argument to "pull over now"! and take my time to pick off these little specks off my white blouse. So I did - the moment I had probably picked of 4 - 5 of them, a big truck came speeding through the one lane tunnel at about 60 mph. It raced by me while I sat on my moped, stunned, shaking with wet cheeks, for my tears had come unbidden. That silly voice, that very stern voice - it had literally saved my life.

It is but one little story, but possibly the one that convinced me once and for all, that it is really a good thing to listen to the inner voice. Having my life saved by following it's advice was no small thing to me - From then on, I listened, I didn't always listen to my parents' advice, nor that of my appointed teachers, nor the chosen teachers. I always listened to my inner voice.

That inner voice has since guided me on my journey and has allowed me to make my way through a labyrinth of choices and opportunities. I can't say, I was always happy with what the voice said, but I had developed a feeling of utter trust and knowing that I would certainly know when my options had run out and I better follow the advice of my guiding voice.

So, I had the luck to have been born clair-audient and to even hear voices. Instead of "going insane", I've made sense of it all and have gained an invaluable navigation system. I can only wonder how it is for other folks, who hear "nothing". I can, and know however, that whenever I hear my inner voice, there is a certain feeling in the area of my stomach - yes, that gut instinct type of feeling. It has been an indivisible part of my guiding voice and I bet, there are people who have that gut feeling and hear no voice - at least they feel a "yes" or a "no" when they find themselves at a crossroads in life.

I guess what I am trying to say today, is that it is a good idea to pay attention to our intuition, our inner voice, our inner feeling for a situation, before running headlong into it. There are many stories out there, freely available on the internet. Some speak of things that resonate with us, some are just hard to grasp. It can become so utterly confusing as to what is real, what is not, what works, what doesn't - and by no means am I trying to discredit anyone's writings, for all I know, it's their point of view and entirely valid (for them), as my point of view is ultimately only valid for myself. When I offer my point of view, my experience and my epiphanies, I always expect the readers to use their own faculties, their own guiding instruments, their inner voice, their gut instinct, to decide what would/could possibly work for them and what is best discarded with a click on the X in the upper right hand corner of the screen.