Monday, October 24, 2011

Relationships Without Attachment

The longer I am on my journey, the clearer I get about the manner in which to conduct relationships. Obviously, looking back at my long string of relationships, romantic, friendships, family etc, I can assume that it is part of my learning package deal to figure out how to navigate within them, grow through them and all those wonderful other opportunities for learning that they bring.

So I've tried to assimilate relationships as they were shown to me through family and friends. I tried to emulate the ways that I felt were at least "ok". As I let review pass, there is one common denominator in all of my relationships. I've formed attachments in almost all of them. I believe that this is a very fitting way to go about relationships when incarnated as a human being. After all, I had plenty of role models who showed me how to do just that. The problem was, that each and every one of them fell apart. I dare say, they fell apart because I had formed the attachment. It was as if there was a "hex" on the topic of relationships. There are a few gems in my trail that I've left behind. These gems are  those relationships where I either had overcome (let go of) the attachment and grown to a place of loving detachment and individuality, or those relationships where I managed not to form the attachment in the first place.

It is with greater understanding today, that I can say, that true love lies beyond attachment. It is found when one is no longer in need of another. It is found again, I should say, as it is not so much a letting go process to unravel one's consciousness from the formed attachments, but one of reconnecting with one's true essence, for in that place of higher consciousness, attachments do not exist and the freedom of each individual is valued beyond measure. The respect and honor that floods through my being when I touch upon that essential core of mine dictate how I interact with others.

Everything is changing just about right now. The world and everything in it is in constant flux. It is a wild ride at some points. I cannot fathom that the area of experience of relationships, especially romantic relationships, is not part of this change. I know that folks are finding themselves in these changes and don't really have a concept as to how to navigate their relationships successfully. This is in part due to not really knowing how to define success in the first place. Success isn't necessarily when a relationship "holds" and two people are together forever. Success from my viewpoint is when two people dance for a while and set each other free, i.e. they allow each partner to be who they truly are and support the journey that leads to finding out who each individual is. Success would be if two dancers then dance sometimes together, sometimes apart, sometimes with others, free as the wind. Yeah, the concept was introduced in the 60s, but then obviously got misunderstood quite thoroughly.

Then there is the concept of "Twin Flames" - apparently, as I understand it, the notion that a soul has split in two, one part male, the other female (??) and that now is the time that these most fitting parts find each other again to rejoin and become whole. (and live happily ever after, re-attached so to speak).
Please forgive my sarcasm here, but I do not subscribe to this belief. True, there may be some souls who have traveled with each other so very often that their energies are such a great fit, that we find them again and again in close romantic relationships, lasting a lifetime. It seems to me however, that these "successful" relationships are a) not the norm and b) perhaps not all that successful in the end. From the outside, nobody can judge what a successful relationship is after all.

My heart goes out to those who have begun living their relationships without attachments, but with this generous sense of freedom. For they are the ones that may feel instability. They are the ones who may feel judged by the old paradigm (which so often doesn't work anymore...look at the divorce rate!). I wish to express words of encouragement to those who have the courage to remain who they are, connected with their innermost essence, dancing with others in that form of honor and respect that shines through when one finds that essence within. May your dances be wonderfully free, invigorating, exhilarating and least of all stifling in the expression of who you truly are.

Those of you who have trouble staying in a relationship for any length of time, try not to seek fault within or in your partner(s), but keep looking for the wondrous core of yours. There are dancers out there and if you allow yourself to float, dance, connect, float again and reconnect etc, without forming any attachment at all, your experiences may begin making a lot more sense from that point of view. The old paradigm is crumbling all around. This applies not only to the economy, government, banking system and all that "important" stuff. The old paradigm is crumbling in all areas of life, including relationships and this transition period allows us to explore and re-establish that which is true deep within our hearts. Heart based connections, joyous encounters brief or long-term, attachment-free interactions and the freedom to be who we truly are, each one of us individually.

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