Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year

It is the time of new resolutions, well wishes, celebrations, watching the clock hit midnight as the wave of New Year goes around the globe... I've always loved New Year's celebrations. The idea of getting a new start just holds something utterly fascinating for one like me who often tires of the "same old - same old". I like new things, I have about 4 new year moments per year! This December one actually began on Solstice, as I was gently reminded by a very close friend. For me that held true as well. It matters litte, time has ceased to keep an iron grip on my life. I celebrate today, because everyone around me does too and that's OK.

I hold a moment for those whose lives have been uprooted in floods or through other disasters. I pour out my light to the areas that are affected by it all. It may sound callous, but deep inside I hear an echo of a voice saying: "Everything is as it's supposed to be". Nevertheless, I hold my compassion for the less fortunate just the same.

The last 10 days have shown me more than ever before,  that the focus has indeed shifted in this new year that we are going to acknowledge today. Wordy theories and complicated lessons aside (they are fun at times), as my focus narrows to the essence of the energy this new year carries, I find therein nothing new. In fact, it's probably the most widely sung and written about thing this world has ever known. I would hope it is.

There is one song in my mind, it was released back in 1970. It pretty much sums up what is in my heart today - So no need for complicated words and theories, philosophies etc from me. I'll give YES the stage, they knew already then and it hasn't changed:

In the morning when you rise,
Do you open up your eyes, see what I see?
Do you see the same things evry day?
Do you think of a way to start the day
Getting things in proportion?
Spread the news and help the world go round.
Have you heard of a time that will help us get it together again?
Have you heard of the word that will stop us going wrong?
Well, the time is near and the word youll hear
When you get things in perspective.
Spread the news and help the word go round.

Theres a time and the time is now and its right for me,
Its right for me, and the time is now.
Theres a word and the word is love and its right for me,
Its right for me, and the word is love.

Have you heard of a time that will help get it together again?
Have you heard of the word that will stop us going wrong?
Well, the time is near and the word youll hear
When you get things in perspective.
Spread the news and help the word go round.

Theres a time and the time is now and its right for me,
Its right for me, and the time is now.
Theres a word and the word is love and its right for me,
Its right for me, and the word is love.
Theres a time and the time is now and its right for me,
Its right for me, and the time is now.
Theres a word and the word is love and its right for me,
Its right for me, and the word is love.


Happy New Year to Everyone

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Are we Going Somewhere?

I've used the word "journey" quite a bit and even though I've traveled the globe wide and far on both hemispheres, that's not what is meant with that word. The inner journey, that's what I refer to as "the Journey". The Journey of Ascension it could also be called. As I am going along on my own personal journey of (self)-discovery, I realize that I'm not going anywhere really. How can, what appeared to be a motion from point A to point B now have lost this perception completely?

I believe that this is what I call a threshold, like a step into a plane of existence that is different from what it was before. I understand that the perception of "going from A to B" is one of the 3rd dimension. There's time involved for sure and there is motion involved, leaving A behind and reaching B. This means that in my old view, I left things behind (let them go) and "gained" or achieved new experiences. Recently, my focus point for the perception of things has changed. Time has fallen away, it has dissolved in my inner make-up. By dwelling in the moment every moment and only occasionally being caught in the time line, my focus point has become the heart. This has caused my perception of "me" as well of everything around me to shift quite dramatically.

Looking back, I can see a common denominator in all my experiences. It's the "me-factor"- I was always there, just in the right place, at the right time. No matter what the experience. If I place my consciousness in that anchor point of my own heart and look around me, the view has shifted from being linear to spiral, spiraling out from my own heart center. At the center, yes, that would still be "me". This means that the spacial perception is still there, the linearity however has dropped away. From this vantage point, I realize that my journey was never one from A to B. That was the helpful illusion that kept me going until it was no longer necessary to uphold this illusion.

What is it then, this "journey", if not from A to B? All I see now is the totality of the things I've seemingly let go of, as well as those things that have come into my life - I do see beyond the horizon of what has already manifested or been experienced, the potential of things (experiences etc) which can be attracted, should I so choose. It's all there spiraling out from the centermost point of my heart. Nothing is lost, nothing has been gained - all of me just IS. What has changed, most definitely so, is my conscious recognition of who I am and what I am doing here. Most of all - I realize that all of what I see has always been here, in the moment. It's not that all of a sudden, I've "become" something that I wasn't before. It's more that now I see clearer what I couldn't see before.

This tells me that the actual journey is one of looking at the very same thing from different view points. There isn't any work to be done to "become" something. There isn't any attempts to be made to be something I am not already. All that I will ever be is already there. What this journey has brought me is ever new ways to look at it and perceive my totality. I enjoy this current view, but I have a hunch that this won't be the last point of view I'm going to have.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Nature of Letting Go

Today seems a good day to talk a bit about "letting go". Letting go as in releasing a hold. The opposite of this would be to hold on, to restrain, to bind. Letting go has been linked a lot to be understood as "surrender" and that quality has been feared quite a bit. Letting go does have the connotation to leave something behind. The problem we have is when our ego, our lower self produces a whole lot of fear because it may fear to be the one who is let go as we march into more and more awareness of embodying the higher self on the physical plane. Whenever I find myself at a place that has grown very comfortable and well known to me and I've cherished the blessings in it, yet the Universe deems it important that I move on, I sporadically find myself at a point where this surrender thing becomes paramount.

It's there, it's before me, I look at it like the proverbial rabbit gazing at the snake. I fear it, for beyond it is the unknown, unchartered territory, yet, I also recognize that I've been treading in one place for too long and it's just time to continue on. I know I cannot truly make that step across the threshold that is looming before me if I solely take my masculine qualities and try to step into the abyss. There has to be a balance and it's found in the feminine qualities of surrendering, of letting go. It's like clinging to a rock in a raging river which takes so much more energy than letting go of the hold of the (somewhat) safe place, of the known little rock that allows us some view of the river, but never gets us carried into the new unchartered territories.

Usually, there's some kicking and screaming as in resistance against that which lies before me, but I tell myself, there is no courage where there is no fear and I go about acknowledging the fear that wants me to hang on to my rock forever, no matter how tired my arms and hands get. I bless it's wisdom, for truly the unknown is a scary thing and the fear is reasonable and natural. I talk to this fear part inside and tell it that in the same energy of fear, there is courage - and I reason myself into the place of where courage grows. At some point, perhaps I have my impatient nature to thank for, I just say YES to exploring the unknown, I just release, despite the fear - I just let go, I just allow the river of my journey to carry me forth where I need to be next and in letting go, I realize that it is the very same energy as holding on. There is no holding on, if there is not the potential of letting go. I cannot truly think that if I have the strength to hold on, I cannot let go. Action and reaction are equal and opposite, as the pendulum can swing into the full experience of holding on, it can swing back into the equally strong opposite experience of letting go. And so it is.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


There was a moment in my awareness process, where everything seemed to come to a screeching halt. The conversations and guidance I had experienced up until then weren't there anymore. My pleas that grew ever stronger as the days passed by were met by silence. I tried to reach out and connect with the helpers I had so far depended on for so long. They were the most stable, structured and reliable players in my life's drama and my mind just refused to believe that they could have left me. Yet, it did appear that they had, very much so. I was all alone.

The realization of this state hit home with a profound sensation of grief. So profound, that I ended up shaking with the experience, sobbing as if I had just been cut off from everything that meant something to me. (I do have a tendency towards dramatic expression...) I decided that it was just an interim state of "testing" that I had been dumped into. I decided that they would all return and things would be as they had before. I embraced every moment of every subsequent day with that idea that it was temporary and they were going to come back. Alas, I was left stranded. Left to my own demise and I felt utterly helpless. I felt overwhelmed that I would have been cut off  from my life-line. I admit, there was a huge amount of self-pity involved at that time.

After quite a few days, weeks perhaps, I don't recall precisely, the epiphany had hit me all of a sudden. I was in this state of utter disconnect with my friends beyond the veil, because somehow, I had evolved spiritually to this place where there was no need for guidance any longer. Or if there was need for guidance, it would not come from the previous sources. The one thing I knew was: "I wouldn't be in this state, if I hadn't got the tools and ability to cope with it." That was for a long while my only point of solace.

There was nothing I could do, really, I tried and tried. I had reached out and spread my awareness to all the farthest reaches that were familiar to me and beyond. All without any results of contact. There was literally nobody out there, other than the echoes of my own thoughts, which left me in a state of utter vulnerability and as I perceived it, weakness. The rug had literally been pulled out from under my feet.

As time passed I realized one day that "masters" didn't need the guidance like i had enjoyed all these decades. It occurred to me that I may be in this place of aloneness, because it was deemed that I could manage on my own. At this revelation, the fireworks went off in my head. A celestial party began, as if they had all been waiting for me to come to this revelation and accept the honors. All my friends were there, I could see them, I could feel them and most of all, I could hear them. They were cheering me on and celebrating my first, wobbly step across the threshold into self-mastery. I had earned mastery over myself in this lifetime and it was deemed that I could from here on out decide for myself where my next steps would lead me. I could go the rest of my journey alone. My friends have returned, but are somewhat more removed than before, they are not waiting solely to assist me, but are available should I really get into a place where a good conversation would bring clarity to a situation. The relationship has most definitely changed into one of equals.

With this revelation of self-mastery came the clear and full understanding that absolutely no authority was to be given to anyone outside my own higher self. It simply was not fitting to my new station in the spiritual hierarchy. I have taken this gem, this bit of knowledge, and have lived by its wisdom ever since.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Seizing the Moment

I've found myself in an unusual mood today. I'm actually feeling that deep cleaning my home is on - I do hope the desire to accomplish this task will last. It usually doesn't last I have to admit. Although I have been taught the art of cleaning in a professional manner at hotel school way back in the early 80s, it hasn't triggered this sense of wanting to keep my environment spotless at any given time. On the contrary, living in the creative chaos always has given  me a sense of connectedness. (I do admit that is a strange thing to say).

I am not much of a blogger today, but I feel that I do want to give this sudden desire to clean and not write a wee peek. Well, to be more honest still, I've seen my house and wanted to clean it in this manner for quite a while now but only did the necessary things to keep it somewhat acceptable. So the creation of wanting to clean it this way has been cooking within me for a while. How come, I find myself on all 4s today, hands clad in rubber gloves, scrubbing floors, nooks and crannies ? Isn't that something one does in Spring? Is it Spring yet?... I look outside and notice the buds on my nectarine tree - it certainly seems to think so!

Jokes aside, I think this blog isn't so much about Spring cleaning, nor housekeeping, but rather about seizing the moment. For all these days, cleaning would have been possible, but arduous at best. Today, when the energies were just so that I actually couldn't resist the rather uncommon desire to deep clean, I seized the moment. I didn't blog at the beginning of my day, as I normally do, but spent most of my time working on my project here. It feels very satisfying and I am absolutely certain that cleaning yesterday would have yielded only a fraction of the result I have achieved today.

Being in tune with these impulses, these desires that propel us into action and following their leads is the surest way to become very productive and efficient. I feel it is high time that I live much more often in this state of synchronicity with what my energies are capable of, what they are wanting to be spent on. Sure, I could forgo cleaning altogether, I could hire help, there are many ideas on how to keep a house clean. It matters little how I do it, what matters foremost is that I allowed myself the time when I didn't feel like this sort of activity and seized the moment when that activity was all I wanted to do. To live thus means to live in total harmony with one's own energies - something we surely deserve.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Monetary Abundance, Part II, Becoming Universal

They say money is one of the greatest motivators. Well, I've sent out one of my biggest questions last night and find on a different website a link to a posting that in essence says: Abundance is where your heart is.

It made total sense and I like this statement. It rings true to me. The problem I have with it, is that I have not yet figured out how to anchor my heart into this earthly experience. I've been bound for the stars and the dimensions beyond the veil in an effort to "go home". That was where the attraction was the greatest for me and it still is. I've always found it to be somewhat of a shortcoming, that I couldn't really get that excited about Earth and this experience, like some folks do. I wish everyone well on their journey, I'm even OK anymore with my journey having brought me here, but there has always been that sense of: "when can I go ?" "can I go now ?" that "are we there yet?" sort of sensation. This is of course not very conducive for my heart-to-Earth-connection and I've literally pushed that issue away, although I do admit, periodically it has come out in that peek-a-boo fashion, never quite letting me know that I'm "done" for good. There's this one little task left it seems (and I'm sure I'll find a number more of those after this one).

So, I've asked and was guided to read an answer that pertained to my question and it appears I have my answer. My heart is not here on Earth, therefore my manifestations don't quite manage to make it here to this "mailbox" as the article so poignantly described. It almost makes too much sense!
This of course is but the initial facing of the issue. My mind immediately jumps to solutions. That's what I can do, I'm really quite good at finding creative solutions. I could maintain that the stars are my home and that Earth never will be - in fact, Mother Earth told me so herself, so I'm fairly certain that I'm but a visitor this time around. (Strangely enough, a vacation would feel different, it must be a business trip !). I cannot deny this fact that for me rings true throughout my whole being. That means I'm not going to deny it. There's that little inner voice again telling me in no uncertain terms: "you're way bigger than this". OK bigger, huh ...

My mind has easily fallen prey to the 3D way of thinking - I belong to the stars, hence I cannot belong to the Earth. Yeah, that's what my mind said. I step into the plane of love and contemplate the whole situation from that vantage point. I do love my stars (planets really), no doubt about it. Isn't the planet Earth also a part of  the Universe? I would like to think so - How can I love one planet more than another? I sense my home planet and I sense the energy of planet Earth. I love them both, for if I didn't really, I wouldn't be here in the first place. Love attracts manifestation. That's how it goes. I could argue now that I love my home planet more than Earth, but I know that's just cunning language that doesn't want to embrace Earth among the entities (for that's what planets really are in my book) that are part of the balance in the Universe and therefore a part of the whole and therefore distinctly a part of me (or me of them). You can tell, my mind just took a hike into ever greater perception fields.

Bottom line is - on some level, I am as much part of the whole that encompasses my home planet as well as the planet Earth. There is no difference and there are no different levels of intensity of love, there is just love and that's it. My heart expands further at this contemplation and I wish to anchor in that the exclusion of the planet I'm currently residing on is but an illusion. It belongs, it belongs fully and in its entirety and therefore it is an integral part of my heart. I anchor this viewpoint into my conscious mind. And so it IS.

Saturday, December 25, 2010


The experience today is one of beingness. There are no important concepts to share, for the experience in and of itself is not really defined. It is a floaty sort of state where all is OK. One could think that I need a great dose of "grounding", but I don't feel necessarily ungrounded, at least not more ungrounded than usual.

In this vastness, this seeming emptiness of space that isn't defined, there isn't anything popping up that catches my inner eye. It's peaceful, it IS. There is most certainly a sense of life, of being alive in it all, but it isn't anything worth getting focused on really. Love abounds, love IS that state of beingness and I believe that I have tapped into yet another bit of awareness of my self - that which has no beginning and no end.

I cannot say how to achieve such a state - to me, these states just happen and I allow them to happen. That is possibly one of the greatest key to it all. I let go of any preconceived idea of how it has to play out, i just let whatever wants to come to pass into my field of perception and I observe. I do not identify with anything in particular, not even the floaty state of beingness, although I'm musing now, it could well be, that I am looking at myself - only myself, always myself. And a big grin spreads across my face :)

Friday, December 24, 2010

My Wish for This Christmas

On this year's Christmas Eve, I am wondering what hasn't been said yet about Christmas that I could say and I'm realizing, that there is probably nothing that hasn't already been noted, interpreted, learned, exclaimed, understood and taught. That's ok. I will not add my own opinions to the lot. I want to focus on the fact, that we, the humans, have for a number of centuries now taken this day (or two) and focused on gifts a whole lot.

I want to focus on a single gift and this is the gift that has been given to everyone - it is the gift of experiencing the love that we are. This gift lies here, patiently waiting to be opened, remaining here until every single one opens it in their good time.

Today, I am realizing, that it is a state of awareness that I choose to integrate more and more and it is my wish that I be able to anchor into this state completely in this life time - This is my wish for this Christmas.

Have a very peaceful Christmas!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

How to Navigate

The recent lunar eclipse has brought an energy surge, a cleansing and the subsequent opportunity to reset the emotional make-up inside. Folks have received energy transmissions, others felt themselves expand and gained clearer perceptions of their selves. This is unchartered territory for many and also for me, in a sense that I used to be quite alone navigating these kind of energies, but now that isn't so any longer. I am ecstatic about this. It brings me so much joy and a sense of loneliness has but dissipated - perhaps my own emotional cleansing.

Be that as it may, I would like to write about how I have been navigating these other realms so far. In no way shape or form do I claim "this is the right way!", I merely would like to write it down, just so that it's written down somewhere how one of the players in the world wide ascension drama navigates these energies... It may be something of value, or not. I'm ok with it being like that.

With anything "new" there is a tendency to sense apprehension, there is a tendency to feel fear of the unknown. There appears to be a great amount of energy that is coming in in waves. There is nothing to fear, for these are not energies that come from something other than yourself.

I'm lucky, I guess, for it isn't quite that unknown territory for me, but I do recall moments where this type of fear was a fact. What it takes is an attitude of trust and faith if you will. The Universe will never demand of you anything you are not equipped to handle. That's one of the basic laws of being incarnated here. So if you find yourself in this new energy field (you), if you find yourself integrating massive amounts of energy (you), if you find your body in a buzz (you trying to inhabit the body) and your mind quite blank, for it has no reference point for what it all means, then relax and breathe for a moment.

The Universe has seen you to be ready for it, or you wouldn't be in it! And since you're in it, you're able to handle it fully. It will take a bit of patience to identify the various energy patterns (parts of you),  as well as understanding their function. So this "you" business is in fact an increased awareness of self. That means, what we thought was our "self" is no longer valid - we've "grown" - expanded - or more accurately, our perception of who we are has expanded greatly. We can stand (sit, or lie) in awe of how large we've suddenly become - or we can chuckle, for we have always been this large (and here's a little secret... we're even larger than that, but that show is yet to come).

In a calmed down state, we can then imagine that we reach out with energetic tentacles of love energy to go and explore each corner of our new perceived self. We can be like children in this exploration and fully take in the amazement, the wonder, as well as the new background information, that it's not really new at all - that we have always somewhere known to be this large, this expansive, this beautiful. The sensory perceptions will be individual. Some see, some hear, some feel - some do all at once - there is no judgment as to how you get to know your new view of yourself. The integration process can begin now, take a few moments each day to dedicate to this new exploration of your self and revel in the amazing ability of holding yourself in the love continuously. This too has been anchored in a way that if you give up the old teeter totter back and forth habits of "in the love", "out of the love" - "back in the love" etc, you'll experience this ongoing state of love.

There are no more boundaries of your heart unless you consciously put them there - it expands in ripples/waves continuously, it goes out and out and out and out and in this sensation, there are no limits. That of course can be scary again, but it mustn't be, for this love that shines in a light so bright,  is who we truly are - we always have been. We are just remembering it clearer now - as clear as we ever have.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Extra Sensory Perceptions

ESP is most commonly called the "sixth sense." It is sensory information that an individual receives which comes beyond the ordinary five senses sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. It can provide the individual with information of the present, past, and future; as it seems to originate in a second, or alternate reality. 

For a long time, the stigma to limit the experience of reality to the 5 senses has had a hold on humanity. It's part of the old paradigm. Having been born with  "the 6th sense", growing up with an array of extra-sensory perceptions, it was difficult to learn that I was in fact the exception, not the others. I did learn at some point and it had the result that I had to learn to identify which was which and filter what I was able to talk about and what was better kept a secret. Had the world around me been ready to embrace that I perceived on other levels and through other means, I would never have learned to identify the makings of my "extra-sensory" perceptions. (They are quite sensory to me, so the word "extra-sensory" just doesn't quite fit in my mind).

By eventually sharing carefully with other people who also have similar abilities, I realized that the way I perceive is rather individual and unique to my own make-up of "sensors". Since people who are gifted this way don't talk much about it, I have found opinions and ideas in others of "how" these extra-sensory perceptions are experienced. I guess what I'm trying to explain here is, that there is misinformation about this form of expanded perception and thus, one's own dormant abilities that may wake up during these times of increased energy frequencies may be misinterpreted or even missed due to holding a preconceived idea on "how" it has to happen.

This preconceived notion may be the only thing that blocks the identification of your own expanding sensory perceptions and I would like to shed some light on how it is for me, in order to share the knowledge I have and perhaps open some gates, that would otherwise remain closed.

There are numerous types "extra-sensory" perceptions.

Probably the most common one would be clair-sentience, the empathic abilities. That means you may have experienced emotional states that were not entirely yours, but the state of others around you. It can be rather confusing when that happens, as the primary idea is that emotions belong to oneself and nobody else. This isn't so, emotions are just energies that float around and can be picked up easily, mainly by the solar plexus chakra. They can be absorbed and even appropriated, meaning one can believe that they are one's own emotions when they are not.

Some folks may have trouble in crowds, feeling depleted and queasy after having gone to a shopping mall for example. A lot of people seek out the empathic experience, when they go to music concerts, where the whole crowd is experiencing similar emotions. I do remember that "high".

There may be many preconceived ideas on how empathy feels. I would say, know your own emotional state really well, stay centered and in balance as often as possible and avoid drama. On such a blank emotional canvas, empathic perception of others' emotions are easily recognizable and thus don't have to be accepted as one's own emotions.

Another extra-sensory perception is "clair-audience" - hearing things outside the normal range of hearing. That could be "hearing voices" or simply hearing frequencies that lie outside the normal range.

Hearing voices is a tricky one - anyone admitting to "hearing voices" runs risk of being labelled as "crazy". Not an easy one to talk about. There are indeed states of mental instability that feature hearing voices and not everyone hearing voices does so in a balanced manner.

It's easy to identify hearing voices, for they talk to you - in your head. It's different from self-talk. The energetic signatures of the "voices" has a distinct frequency (coloration/sound) and are discernible. If you find that you are clair-audient, remember, you're the boss of your mind and only you decide who you hear and who you don't. You're most definitely allowed the ultimate decision whether or not to answer the internal telephone. Be firm in this and you'll have a lot more peace in your head.

I want to address "clair-voyance" next. It is the visionary perception of things that are invisible to others. This can be through the physical eye, by experiencing and seeing energy frequencies that are normally not picked up by the physical eye, or it can be through the inner eye (the third eye chakra), which would be like watching a movie on the inside of your skull, at the area of your forehead. This is also called visioning and has been responded to in many ways from putting a seer onto the highly respected pedastal of  priesthood to burning the seer at the stake. Clair-voyant moments come unbidden a lot and can thus be discerned from daydreaming or fantasizing. I experience the images mainly as a "packet" of information, vision, feeling and some auditory input all combined. It is most definitely different from my own imagination.

There is another extra-sensory perception. I call it "clair-knowing". It is possibly the most unnerving of them all, at least to me. It has caused many situations that were difficult to say the least. It is that feature that responds instantly when something is witnessed and that inner knowing just either disputes it or presents you with the "corrected" version of what is experienced. I don't believe it can ever be proven beyond a doubt, so it's a tricky one and discernment is needed what to say when, not everyone is ready to have their beliefs shattered, nor is it my right to disrespect another's beliefs.

There are also sensory cross-overs. I for one have a very unfortunate one, I can hear my physical pain. It's not very pleasant, for it amplifies the experience of pain. There are all combinations of sensory-cross overs possible. To just name a few, smell emotions, taste sound, see sound, hear visions, physically feel what you hear etc.

Reading minds has become more and more available to me. No, I don't read your thoughts, so don't fear. I can however read whether a person has clear thought patterns or a more chaotic, seemingly muddled mind, if they are preoccupied with many thoughts, or focused. You may have sensed these things too, without knowing that this is a form of telepathic "pick-up". Some people leave you with a sensation of "frazzled" or "rushed", whereas with others you experience their thought processes very clear and steady, which gives a sensation of clarity and solid structure.

It may look as if I claim to know "how its perceived" - I don't. I believe that it's all very personal, all very individual. The color red is not the same red for everyone. However, I hope that by shedding some light on these possibilities, people will tap into their own arsenal of abilities and gifts and find one or the other useful on their journeys.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Wondrous Stories

For lack of my own words, I'll express where I'm at and how I feel through this song, written by Jon Anderson, performed by YES.

I awoke this morning
love laid me down by a river.
Drifting I turned on upstream
Bound for my forgiver.
In the giving of my eyes to see your face.
Sound did silence me
leaving no trace.
I beg to leave, to hear your wondrous stories.
Beg to hear your wondrous stories.

He spoke of lands not far
or lands they were in his mind.
Of fusion captured high
where reason captured his time.
In no time at all he took me to the gate.
In haste I quickly checked the time.
if I was late I had to leave to hear your wondrous stories.
Had to hear your wondrous stories.

Hearing your wonderous stories.
Hearing your wonderous stories.
It is no lie I can see deeply into the future.
Imagine everything
You're close
and were you there to stand
so cautiously at first and then so high.
As he spoke my spirit climbed into the sky.
I bid it to return
to hear your wondrous stories.
Return to hear your wondrous stories.


Monday, December 20, 2010

Conscious Mirror

As I take a look at my reality, I see my innermost beliefs, patterns, flaws, good sides all of it reflected back at me. This is how we learn about ourselves, how we become aware. Although I have grown quite used to this concept and use it wherever I can to integrate new and ongoing reflections of this mirror thing, I've had an experience that explained some past experiences in my life.

It was quite funny actually. Out of a serene state, I was in the moment, doing my thing, I had an interaction with my daughter and out of the blue I turned into a teenager myself, not just how I spoke, but how I felt. I turned into her! I acted as dramatic as she did. (and this when I just thought I had said good bye to drama!!) I presented her with exactly the mirror of what she had displayed. After the drama had died down, I was as serene in my moment as I had been before. I was dumbfounded at first. What on Earth had just happened? Why could I not stay focused on where I was at, in my center, vibrating at my normal level of energetic frequency? Yet, I did not feel that I had been "suckered" or "drawn" into her drama. The transition between the two states (serenity and drama) were just too abrupt.

I took some time to reflect on this and realized that still, everything is as it's supposed to be. There was no need for remorse for my part in the drama. I clearly saw that it hadn't been a slip on my part. I saw that I had lent my energy to play a part. It was quite surreal, for this part was not in line with who I felt myself to be just seconds before I took it on and played it out. I realized that I had actively taken the job of presenting her with a mirror. It was played out with the greatest amount of love as undercurrent. It had absolutely no connotation of even believing myself in this "act". It was clearly a moment of having actively and in full awareness been a mirror. I was fully aware that it was a play. When it was played out, I had left that stage and returned to my true self.

A word of concern:

I know that by writing about this experience in this fashion I run risk to give "ideas" that would allow for "off" behavior to be excused as "I was just your mirror". This possibility stares at me like a red warning flag. I believe that it is of utmost importance to be very honest with oneself to avoid going there and when in doubt, first honestly and deeply examine one's own motivations, patterns, susceptibilities etc., if we have behaved in a way that is less than in line with what we know to be part of our hearts.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Power of Words

Words have fascinated me all my life. Communication has held me captive. Born when the sun traveled through the sign of Gemini, it doesn't really come as a surprise that that should be so. I have traveled wide and far within me and in this world and have encountered various ways of communication, not only in different languages, but also within different cultures. Communication and language mastery has been one of my greatest achievements yet also the greatest bane in my life. I have learned to stay silent, I have learned to silence the mind and I have learned to listen. These latter 3 things were not as easy to accomplish, but I feel I'm quite proficient now.

What's next on the lesson plan? Alongside the Earth's increase in energy vibration frequency we are traveling at our own individual speeds up the rungs of the "ladder of ascension". Communication on the same or on nearby rungs of the ladder is flawless, easy, everyone knows what we're talking about. Communication between people who reside in different frequencies becomes more and more difficult, the greater the difference in vibratory speed. It's like the communication signal distorts. The listener hears something different from what the talker intends to say. Communication threatens to break down. Miscommunications become the rule, people take things personally and chaos threatens, drama is for certain.

At this point of communication breakdown, I have a few choices available to me. I can withdraw and stay silent. Perhaps this choice is really helpful in the moment. Later on, I know my Gemini-nature will propel me further still to communicate yet again. I just can't stop this drive. However, in that initial silence, I have time to ponder a few things. I am living in a country where it is a fundamental right to speek freely. It's an anchored right! I can bank on it if I wish. I can say: "I have the RIGHT to free speech!". I can decide to use this right and speak freely of whatever I want to say, as well as however I want to say it.  Yes, I can!
Having described above how communication and speaking is important to my very essence, this should be the most important right to me. It is not! I realize that it was important, it is no longer important to me. Of course, I enjoy its benefits as long as I have this right. But I cannot say, that it is the foundation for my expression. It belongs so entirely into the old paradigm of the 3rd dimension, that I have no longer use for it in this righteous manner. It doesn't fit me any longer. This does not mean that I do wish to be banned from saying what I have to say. That is not the point I am trying to make.

Instead I want to highlight, that what worked and was so very important in the 3rd dimension, cannot just be taken over into the 4th dimension and applied therein. (That's just my personal opinion here).  It's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

What other choice is there, so that my communication is in line and harmony with the frequencies of the 4th dimension? Only one comes to mind and I realize that if humankind wishes to move from the 3rd dimension to the 4th, this shift that I am beginning to understand here needs to happen. It is the shift from "having and using rights" to "taking responsibility". It seems to me that when I shine light onto different topics, it always boils down to this one thing - "responsibility". In the topic of words, communication, I see it very clearly. The 3D "right to free speech" turns into "responsibility what my words create" in 4D. By taking on this responsibility, I automatically let go of the all encompassing "right to free speech". It's value ceases to impress me. The responsibility however beckons me into a process of increased expansion of awareness. It means to me that my words have power. My words create a reality. My words are the sounds that modify the element ether. I have the freedom to use them, but also the responsibility to use them wisely or not at all.

In practice the discernment can be very simple. I thought of this quite a bit. If the focus, the lens, the point of perception is one based on polarity issues, like "this is good/this is bad" or "i am right/you are wrong" or anything like this. If the point of view comes from this motivator of the polar opposites, then I know with certainty, that my focus point resides in the frequency of the old paradigm, the 3rd dimension. With the collapse of duality, love becomes the focus point, the oneness of things becomes the focus point. This can be the deciding factor if something should be shared, if words should be offered. It isn't very hard to stop before responding to anything at all. I find it actually more and more easy to stop for a bit and look at my own point of perception, to discern where the motivating force stems from, either the 3rd dimension or the 4th. It isn't very hard to decide to allow the thoughts in awareness where they are coming from, but not express them, if they stem from the old paradigm and only speak from the new paradigm, from the focus of the 4th dimension. I know it will take practice to get good at this new way of taking responsibility, but I believe that if I apply this to every communication from now on, I'll get the hang of it quite quickly.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Who am I ?

One of the earliest questions I remember ever asking myself was "Who am I?" This question, as simple as it was to ask it, turned out one of the questions with as many answers as I could conceive and even then, in the totality of having seen and exerienced the many facets of who I am, of having become quite conscious of the complexities of the soul energies, I still keep adding to the existing definitions of who I am. I know that part of me carries still the yearning to be recognized by others. If others know who I am, perhaps my eternal question of "Who am I ?" will find the ultimate answer.

This is quite a wobbly path, for as long as I don't know who I am, others will only be able to reflect parts of me back to me. Some will show me I am "this bit" and others will show me that I am "that bit" and it is all of incredible value. It is in receiving, accepting and integrating the totality of my experiences here in the land of mirrors that I will find the ultimate answer. I get more than glimpses at who I am. I think I may be blessed that way. However I cannot fully say that my question, which popped up over 40 years ago is fully answered.

Perhaps my ultimate blessing was, that at the tender age of 7, I formulated that question, kept it in my heart and soul to treasure it as a catalyst for spiritual growth. To satify this curiosity was and still is the absolute ultimate goal of my existence in this form. It's all consuming, it has been obsessive at times; it has given way to calmer expressions since those days, but I cannot say, that this question has ceased to fascinate me.

Of course, now a few decades later, I begin to glean understanding of the function of such a catalyst and I am almost (just not quite) resigned that I may not get my one answer in this lifetime. However, for as long as this curiosity resides in me, I know I will keep looking at the mirrors of my reality. I will keep understanding that "I am that too" (quote by Peter Müller, Switzerland) and by doing that, I hope to eventually understand more and more what that ominous fulfilling answer will be.

Friday, December 17, 2010


Another spiraling circle around the field of "expectations" is in store for me today. My mind is tired, because it already knows full well, that expectations are a set-up for disappointments. They do way more though. Expectations are these desires that will hook one into the future and by doing so, one is bound back into the timeline. In order to release expectations, I do another sweep across my doormat and front porch and let them all go. It's really only attachment to a predicted, desired outcome. That's all they are. They are fantasms that come back to haunt.

Yet, after having cast this somewhat sombre light on "expectations", I would like to create a more balanced view and see what could possibly be their positive side, their value. What are they good for ?

As I'm pondering this question, I am drawn to the depth of the conscious co-creation field. Expectations are a catalyst I am told, a catalyst that will spark a creation that hasn't been created yet. To cast expectations onto other people with free will choice is a different issue than using expectations as a tool. Expectations used as a tool for free form creation, that is in no collision course with another's free will and creation, are the catalyst to produce a formed and manifested creation. It is as if "expectations" have just now gained a new status for me. They were so misunderstood before (and misused of course). They're not really bad and they have their rightful place, which I somehow figured they would.

So coming away from theoretic philosophy, I want to get concrete. What happens in the act of conscious co-creation? An idea forms in the mind. A picture follows. A feeling and a sensation accompanies these and then - the icing on this layered cake - there's the expectation. The stubborn sense of: "this WILL manifest, I expect it to - it is already so!" This expectation is indeed what propels the carefully formulated creation out into the fabric of the element ether and begins to form what is already thought of as real before it has obtained the physical form. Without this expectation, creations have a hard time to form fully and will diffuse very often before having manifested in the physical form.

The conclusion to this is that expectations are really important, not harmful at all in essence, it's just a matter of using that energy in a slightly different way - for its creative properties. I have a feeling, that many (or all) things that we have perceived and experienced one way so far have that hidden, to be explored different side and purpose.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Beautiful, Inside and Out

I’ve been writing about mirrors, about how the reality we experience is but a reflection of what is inside of us. I have used this metaphor widely as a tool to discover and clean up the not so beautiful bits inside. I would like to create some balance in this area and it dawned on me (duh) that a mirror will reflect everything, the “bad” as well as the “good”.  With my talent to notice what needs fixed anywhere I focus, I have hardly given notice to the “good” – some do so, but there is a potential to go overboard and then it becomes “bad” again. The art of noticing the good and integrating the good into our belief system and still stay humble is a rather tricky one.
At least for me.

At times, I have tempered my tendencies for ego aggrandizement by ignoring these positive things. I’m aware that that cannot be the true way to reach balance, so I’m willing to dabble a bit in this little issue. It’s after all a sunny day here and it’s time to shine. I feel this need to shine my light, I feel this overwhelming sense of “this is right” when I do. I feel that there is also that potential club hanging overhead, ready to come down if I overstep my self-imposed bounds.

Over the years I have looked into my mirrors so many times. I have looked and searched for all the bits and pieces that needed released, cleansed etc. I have even seen glimpses of beauty. Yes, I have! However, to embrace those as mine has been difficult at best.  In all reality, there should be many more bits of “beauty” in my mirrors and I do see them, but for some reason, I don’t integrate them into my being as easily as I embrace the not so beautiful bits. I am aware that this may yet be a longer process. It’s almost easier to say “I am that too” to embrace all the potential “nasties”, for it gives me that sense of: “OK, I’ve owned my bit – I’ve taken responsibility for my potential “bad” bits.” That’s a sense of conscientiousness that works well for me. I look into this mirror of mine and see beauty – truly … there are people who came into my life who are so incredibly beautiful beings that I gasp. I don’t feel inferior in a sense of power, but I have still a hard time recognizing that these people are showing me just how beautiful a person I am. As I write this openly, I feel that clasping sensation of “OMG don’t say that, that’s so narcissistic!” – However, I let it run today, just to give it a chance.

For years, I’ve had trusted souls who kept telling me this very thing, I have wronged them by not being able to embrace the truth that they have spoken. I feel the need to make it up to them and myself. For all the years where I have held the opinion of myself that I’m not beautiful, I will now step into the place where I let the messages of my mirror in, be they an admonishment or a compliment – they both can have their space. As I do this, I feel something shift inside. Gently making space to allow a greater sense of balance within. There is nothing I have to do or say beyond: I am a beautiful being – inside and out and it’s ok to focus on beauty once in a while (or more often).

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Coming and Going

In these last few weeks we were blessed with some very intense energy shifts. The accelerations of energy frequencies on the planet has created not just internal shifts of energy. It has aligned many folks with their purpose and given a sense of clarity that I so hoped mankind would receive. It has happened. Many people from my circles have indeed realized things that they had not before. Some had to make choices to leave my circle of friends. Others, seemingly out of the blue, have reached out to me and created the beginnings of friendships. Me too, I've reached out and created such beginnings. I have also created farewells, or at least I believe that some of my words and deeds have allowed others to be empowered and to continue on their own journey.

There's this coming and going that I'm witnessing right now in my online communities as well as my community right here. In my self-centered focus, I could of course potentially be drawn into the dramatic aspects of it all, but I choose not to. I choose to sit here, where I sit and feel so much better energetically. I'm finally beginning to feel like this may yet be a planet that I can live on without pain. It is glorious to finally feel this way, even though I know it's not "done" - it's never really "done" this process of increasing the frequencies. It's just good to be here and feel like dancing, like there are a million energy particles in my beingness that finally get a response from the energies around me. There is a connection to this planet that I have up until now only heard others talk of - now I can sense it as well. It's grounding me in a flighty sort of way and I feel that my rather silly experiment of traveling backwards through the chakras (top to bottom) in this life time has found some completion.

With this new found connection, I am still, enjoying this space, knowing that the coming and going around me is ok. It's fine. There is no need to hold anyone, there is no need for grandiose farewells. Those who were close to me, can undoubtedly feel that I wish them well, that I honor and respect their path and that they just need to keep going. Those who have stepped into my life are new gems. Some are newfound old acquaintances, some are "long lost" team members and others are familiar seekers and lighthouses. I am filled with such gratitude to see the coming and going. I am grateful for each spark here on Earth who actively contributes to this overall process in their unique, beautiful and wondrously creative way. It just makes me want to dance and keep dancing.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Jeremiel (a Meditation)

I am thrilled to read about the birth of this new Aura Soma Bottle. Another Archangel has brought us a gift. It's mid-tone turquoise and mid-tone olive colored - I want to bathe in these colors and release all these remnants of bitterness, even if they are ever so slight. In the new energies there is no room for bitterness that have accumulated before this moment and are mere tentacles from the past to pull me back into the timeline ever so often. I am ready to release them. I am sad that the actual Balance bottle is not in my hand yet, but I can still invoke the energies of it and wait for the shipment while I visualize myself standing in the colors turquoise from crown to midsection and see the colors smoothly turn into olive from the waist down.

While I do this little exercise, this energetic bath if you will, I consciously release one moment of bitterness after the next, as they come up in my memory to greet me. I recognize them for what they are - moments in time, during which the experiences clad in 3D drama were ever so helpful to find out who I am and what I am doing here. Moments of pain, that allowed me to feel distinct and alive. I thank these moments, I thank all the actors in my dramas, that helped create these moments. Then I am ready - I let them go. I see them leave my energy field, my emotional and mental bodies, carried by a swirl of turquoise and olive. The freed spaces in my energy bodies shine golden, with the essence of love.

In my mind's eye I see Jeremiel standing there in his/her glory watching this process unfold with eternal love and gentle sweetness. There is no more room for bitterness to tie me into the past.

Monday, December 13, 2010


I've written about time before (see blogpost "Time" )
Things haven't changed much from this point of perception that I have written about a few days ago. Time still speeds past me, so fast that I realize that I'm not routinely shopping for groceries in the weekly rhythm I used to. In fact, I shop less, spend less and hey, nobody has starved yet in my house!

I want to go a step further. I want to talk about what happens when the perception of time becomes nil. Another way to describe this would be that time "collapses" onto itself, or into itself. Energetically, it's a detachment from the current time line. We can see young children absorbed in their activities function outside of time. That is because their notion of time hasn't been fully learned yet. Now when that happens to adults, after we have learned and played along with time for decades, it is an experience that is a bit discombabulating.

We become aware more and more that we are all one. In that oneness beyond the veil, that we actually already are, there is no time, nor is there a distinct sense of space. If there is a sense of sequence or spacial location, the spark whose eyes we are looking through, has already separated a wee bit in a process of individuation. The time factor on Earth is a peculiar one. I've pondered the 2012 date and the fact that the Mayans decided to discontinue their calendar. What if ... and this is merely a theory, a thought that popped into my mind, what if the perception of time itself ceased to exist? It's very possible that some theoretical philosophers have already explored this. I hardly ever watch any youtubes on these things, nor do I read up on others' opinions much. I've got this drive to form my own, so all what I am talking about today is just from my own head, unadulterated "me" so to speak.

So the idea of time collapsing, or the perception of time ceasing on or around 2012 is a distinct possibility for me. I do not believe however that the whole of humanity will look at their clocks the evening of 12/20/2012 and then wake up to --:-- on their clock's face the next morning.  (that would be funny through). I believe that around the time of the end of the Mayan calendar, opportunities may be present for more and more folks to experience that child like state again, where time just ceases to exist. That's when most people would do whatever they do without any reference to time. It doesn't mean that they would cease to do stuff, for I do recall actually being able to produce much more when I'm outside of time, be way more efficient or get much more playing into that expanded moment of timelessness than I would in a designated timed period of equal "length".

It remains to be seen what will occur come 2012. I don't think it's anything that we will remember as: - that's the day this ended, or that ended...or whatever. I think it could be that humanity as a whole is ready to experience more and more timeless moments and move towards a different experience without the stresses of the measured time. I believe that natural cycles will come back to be "en vogue", as we sway and flow with the energies that surround us.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Acceptance of This Moment

I'm musing today as to what "events" may be in the air for me to make it a blog topic. There's nothing that really draws my attention as I am in seeming balance and I cannot sense that my energy is going one way or the other. Any way really.

My ego wants today, 12/12 to be a special day - one where the fireworks are lighting up the winter sky, but alas, I'm not getting that spectacular sensation. However, I'm not getting the opposite of hardship and drudgery either. Everything is flowing easily today. It's like being in this timeless spot of balanced moment is the actual gift for me today. What's left for me is to let go of any preconceived notion what this "special date" is supposed to be holding for me. No grand meditation, vision nor anything other than ... well there we have it again... this very moment, expanding into itself, the absolute connectedness with everything that is. I guess that's good enough and there's nothing else that needs to be had.

I'm resigning myself to full acceptance of this state. There's truly nothing left to do for this moment, but enjoy it. Live it. Breathe it. Experience it with every fiber of my whole self. And then, let it go again, for every new moment is a new moment and any attachment to any other moment will bring hardship again. The non-attached acceptance of the moment - any moment at any given time - has one huge advantage. It doesn't demand forgiveness, it doesn't demand retribution, it doesn't demand being forgiven, it doesn't demand anything at all. It brings the complete serenity and the ongoing awareness that in this state, I am truly free from the past, free from the future - truly free in the now where the heart soars.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Energy Pathways

One of the opportunities that I have noticed lately is the fact that energy pathways are now more perceivable than ever before. I don't believe that this visibility is just due only to my own personal development. I believe that the veil is getting thinner and thinner and what I notice, because I'm searching and observing closely, can be observed by anyone else as well, if they wish to get into that. To me, thought forms are energy patterns. Behavioral repeats are also energy patterns for example. I'd say, everything that results in a perceivable reality, an experience on this plane is a construct of energy pathways and patterns. There are certain rhythms in these energy patterns and the energy in them flows in certain pathways. This can be perceived empathically, where the sensation is one of movement, flowing, following a direction, or visually by actually seeing the energy light up and the pathway reveals itself in that form. It matters not whether it's actually visible, they are there and they can be perceived. To be able to sense these pathways and recognize where they lead has a very unique effect for me.

First of all, as I learn to navigate this world with this added perception, I can tell when I follow a certain pathway, just because I have followed it regularly until now - blindly in fact, subconsciously. I have responded and reacted, just like every other human being to these energy patterns and my energy has followed their established pathways on a daily basis. The moment I realize I'm flowing along such a pathway and it leads to the inevitable result of the well known behavioral patterns, to conflict sometimes to feelings that are less than enjoyable, I have the responsibility to choose whether or not I wish to follow this pathway all the way into the inevitable "ditch", or if I want to say: No, today, I choose otherwise, for I know where this leads and I do not wish to repeat this particular experience. This is a form of conscious creation and it does have an effect on the fabric of reality.

The next step in developing a keen sense of navigation, would be to see, sense, perceive, know of the pathway and it's inevitable destination ahead of time, that means before being swept along out of habit. This kind of foresight can allow even greater mastery over one's own creation of encounters, experiences and simply one's every day experience of personal reality. I'm not fully there yet with the mastery of these choices. Foresight sometimes eludes me still, but I am excited that I can sense these energetic pathways. It's one thing to know that we create our reality every moment anew, it's definitely a more exciting prospect to do so with full awareness and the distinct ability to consciously pick and choose. The sense of freedom is overwhelming!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Monetary Abundance, Part I

I've spouted words how we create our own reality. That's fine and well, but when I find myself in that one area of abundance, definitely blessed, no complaints really, but most of the abundance not of my own creation, I find it a bit hard to insist towards the universe, that I wish so intensely to take this hurdle, that seems to be one of the last big ones as far as I can tell ... (Mind you, whenever I make such a statement I'll be proven horribly wrong soon after, so that would make the hurdle I am currently aiming at just a bit smaller - yay for cleverness!)

I've worked hard on getting all my ducks in a row (no, not the Oregon Ducks... no need for cheers). I've set myself up finally deciding on a "profession" that could potentially benefit others (that's important to me) and also use some of the talents that I brought into this life. Most importantly, this profession fills me with such joy that I face the very first pattern inside that tells me:

"How could I possibly ask for monetary compensation when I have so much joy doing this ?" 

Yes, that's quite a blocker in making money by doing what i love doing. I have this blocker and my reality shows clearly that a lot of folks actually behave and actively deliver me with the reality I'm creating. Well, thanks guys! ...

I decide to take mini-steps at solving this abundance/money making issue. It's such a big one for so many people, that I feel it's OK that I do it semi-publicly on my blog. If just one other person finds this helpful on their journey to consciously creating Source-given monetary abundance without falling into the pitfalls of greed etc, then I'm going to be happy as a clam.

I am aware that each person tackling this issue will have different patterns that block the flow of money, or limit the flow of money. It is not up to me to find your patterns, but I'll try and demonstrate with mine what can be done.

Anyways, so I have this issue. I'd be ok with getting a job, doing something for 8 hours that I don't like and get paid for it. Of course I would be alright with that, for the payment would not be for my work, but for the fact that I had to do something I didn't want to do in the first place. It's nothing but right to get paid then ! Yeah that is the flipside of the coin. Quite stubborn this pattern. I am actually technically able,  to sell the wellbeing of my soul. (OK that makes me swallow for a moment).

First I embrace this new awareness. It stings a bit, but hey, there it is, written up for all to see who are reading this blog. It stuns me as well. I sit here with thoughts going around in my head. Who said it was ok to do something I don't like doing and get paid for it and prefer getting paid for that rather than for something i love doing, something I enjoy? Where does this distortion from the eternal truths of love, joy and abundance come from? It's quite strong and I can see tentacles of this going way back and a memory floods into my conscious mind: My mother, may she rest in peace, had a very strong opinion about this: "Work first, then play". I believe it came from her mother, who was born exactly 100 years before my daughter. She was German, East Prussian really, you know the steely general type nurse who lived through 2 world wars, who had served at the frontlines in WWI.... that kind of resolve and patterning comes through the bloodlines. Kinda hits you in the backside....

No play without work. Work is good, play is secondary. Work is wholesome. You don't have to like it but you sure as hell have do DO it. Only then will you reap the benefit. Work cannot possibly be joyful that way.

There it is. All out in the open. I have had awareness on the fringes of these patterns, but just never really took them seriously. How could I neglect these patterns, they are responsible for the less than abundant reality I am creating for myself. It's not that I dislike money. I actually like money. Money is a fantastic commodity. It allows for so many fun experiences. The lack of money, well that's the hard part. I can't even say there is actual lack of money in my life. What I do see is lack of monetary compensation for something I enjoy beyond measure.  (I believe it is really important to clearly identify the makings of the limiting patterns).

Now, pivotal point, how do I go about changing this ?
Drudgery gets paid - Enjoyment does not get paid. or worse still, enjoyment costs money.

I can't work with the opposites here. I believe to have come to a place where I have to fake it until I make it. It is a fundamental thinking process that needs to be changed. Now that I have identified at least one blockage, I can consciously reprogram myself.

Broadly spread affirmations per se don't really work for me - I see right through them. However, if I have identified a thought process that no longer serves me, I can train myself to change what it says. Instead of playing the old tape, I will now say:

"Imagine what I could do and share if what I love doing will be paid a fair price ?"
"I am open, ready and willing to keep doing what I love doing and receive free flowing monetary compensation which is fair, balanced and in line with what I offer."

OK - these statements bring a fuzzy feeling to my heart. I'm signing off now, for this is "live". I don't know what the next step will be, but I've agreed with my higher self to put it up here on my blog, so stay tuned ;)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Peace and Harmony

It is a fact that not all people on Earth vibrate at the same frequency. A lower frequency isn't worse than a higher one, the same as a lower note on the musical scale isn't worth less than a higher note. Sometimes linear thinking wants us to believe that it is a value system when we speak of higher and lower frequency. If language was a bit more flexible, we could possibly take out a great deal of controversy out of the mix and create harmony, by using better words to describe what we experience.

The difficulty, as I have perceived it all my life is one of existing in harmony with any other frequency. (It's easy to be peaceful and experience harmony on my own, much harder when surrounded by others). Sometimes it is a natural harmony, even if the vibratory frequency of one participant is low and the other high. It doesn't have to clash. It can be complementary, harmonious as 2 notes on the piano can be. Those moments we don't really experience as "problems" and therefore probably don't pay much mind to them. Similarly, two people of high vibration can vibrate next to each other and really not feel comfortable. Usually, any kind of wanting to be away from that person is interpreted as "jealousy" or "competition" - judgment follows suit right there. It is not necessarily so. It can be that the two high frequencies just don't harmonize. That is in and of itself quite alright and just adds to the diversity of the experience on Earth. I believe that there is a lot of linear comparison going on as to "what level of frequency" one has attained. In my belief system, any one person at any one time vibrates at exactly the frequency that works for them. This can be a high frequency or a low one. It can be high most of the time and dip into a lower vibratory rate to experience something that needs resolved. I don't see the "level of frequency" to be static or inflexible. I believe our souls sing at quite a wide range of frequencies.

As with some notes on the scale, certain combinations of sound (frequency) are just not pleasing to the ear - to some ears I should say, as for some people some chords that sound dissonant to me may have an exciting, even exhilarating effect. In my understanding of energetic frequencies, I believe that any and all judgment on the level of frequency is a moot point and should just cease.

That brings me to the place where I struggle at times. What am I to do if I am surrounded by folks whose frequencies just don't harmonize with mine? In the past I have adjusted my own frequency to match and harmonize with theirs. That has worked up until recently. Lately, however, that bridge seems to have the effect that it depletes my own energies to a point of "burn out". It isn't practical anymore to do it this way. My inner voice tells me that in order to be authentic, I have to remain in my main frequency. Just stay there. A part of me is scared, I admit. Does this really mean, I will just stay in my natural frequency, my own (loud?) tone and the universe around me will adjust somehow to create the harmony that I actually feel inside? 

I will not know the outcome of this, until I have experienced it. It does make sense on some level so I believe that by expressing unwaveringly who I truly am, by vibrating my own frequency as it is at any given time, by being and staying in my own center, steadfast and strong, by feeling my own inner harmonies play their natural unadulterated song, I will create an experience in the physical world that is unadulterated and harmonious as well. Since peace, harmony and love are the basic state and what feeds my soul, I think I owe it to her to give it a real good try!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I am Right - No, You're not!

In my true nature, I am a very peaceful being. This may sound odd to some who know me to be more "warrior-like". Well, I have both sides. However, when I feel low on energy, then I truly crave that peace and quiet time. It's not always forthcoming, but lately, I've been always seeking it. I do know that the more peaceful I get inside, the more peaceful I can experience my outside world. There is conflict still out there, but I have managed to stay non-committed to it lately. This means that for my little world, I have found a common denominator that keeps conflict alive and since I don't really want conflict to be in my life, I've searched for this one thing that doesn't allow a conflict to die down. I am of course not entirely certain, but at this point of my development, I've come to the decision that having to be "right" is a big factor in ongoing situations of conflict. It's the fuel to keep the drama going.

I would like to investigate this peculiar thing - having to be right.... Since I've got a good dose of it myself, I don't have to go far to take a look....

In my experience, having to be right has a purpose. That purpose is for me to feel validated. If I need to do or say something to feel validated, that only means that I don't validate myself enough on the inside, that I do not sense that I am validated properly, or not enough times or not strongly enough. By making my stand, by being right, by insisting that my way "is the way", I attempt to fill that little hole inside of myself.
Next to the validation bit, I can identify a small part of me that is afraid. It's a little coward thing that needs to make itself big by claiming to be right. OK, I do get that mechanism. It's an old one, I see why it's here, but I also see that I may not really need it any longer. I play around with this little part of me. I ask it whether it really needs to be here still, or if it's just still here because it's been there for a long while and sort of has carved out it's little comfy spot? The cowardly part that has to deny another's viewpoint, that has to proclaim that it's own viewpoint is the "right" one is only afraid to end up devalued. It is that little part that has a program running that says: "don't make a ripple in the fabric of your environment with your words, for you will be ridiculed for it". It also says: "if you do make a ripple with your words, make sure you're right, as to outsmart all others and thus possibly avoid ridicule (or worse)." Of course, as it is experienced in true polarity, if you're right, everyone else is wrong - or are they?

There it is, I've identified the survival mechanism of my little coward bit. The question is, is that little coward experiencing these things because they are a real threat from the outside, or is it but the trained reaction from a survival type situation from decades past? I do think it is the latter. Therefore, I suggest that my little coward bit re-evaluate the need for drastic "puff-up" events and proclamations to be "right". I ask it, whether it would be simply ok with accepting that it may be right, or it may not be - or it may be right in it's own way, alongside everyone else who's right in their own way. That last thing resonates nicely and it is quite OK. As so often in the past, I feel a shift, the burden, this little coward has carried for so long to ensure my safety, is softly, peacefully and quietly slipping away. It is no longer needed. I have the sense of being valued, validated within me. I do not require it as a confirmation for who I am from the outside world.

I see the little coward bit waving good bye - it isn't necessary any longer to stick around. The concepts I have explained above have been mentally understood for almost an eternity it seems. As I bid this little part a gentle, heart felt farewell, I thank it for keeping me safe and validated, even if it caused conflicts at times. It has served me well and I am grateful for having made its acquaintance, having learned and now step out into my world without yet another crutch. Such is the beauty of letting go.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Shifting Realities

During the last few days, I've experienced an increase in what I have termed "shifting". That's when you begin to feel like whatever you have experienced a moment before isn't quite the same a moment later. Let me give you an example.

This morning, I stowed my daughter's lunch into her backpack. In one of the pockets, there were some papers onto which she had written a story. The papers poked out, were visible, the zipper of the backpack undone. Then, about 15 minutes later I passed the couch on which the backpack sat and saw that the papers were gone. That outer pocket was still unzipped, but the papers had disappeared. I then went to the back to ask my kid not to forget to take her story to school (I had assumed that she had taken the papers out of the backpack). She answered me that she had put it into her backpack and I left the family room and walked back to the kitchen. I glanced at the backpack and there it was, with the papers sloppily stowed into the outer pocket, as I had seen it while I packed her lunch.

Unless we have some jokester in the house, which we don't, as we are all night owls and hardly grunt at each other in the morning,  I realize that I've been shifting. From one reality to another, where most things are exactly as in the first reality, but there are subtle little differences, like missing papers !

I have noticed shifting consciously about 6 years ago and have then understood many incidents that had puzzled me throughout my life. Finally, I had a somewhat valid, albeit non-scientific explanation to what may have been the cause for my "confusions" in life. The missing and found-again papers is one thing, no biggie, really. I know things are fine. What is entirely unnerving is when you find yourself shifting while driving a car. All of a sudden, pedestrians that weren't there pop out in front of you crossing the road, cars that you "didn't see" appear in the rearview mirror and some even honk at you and you have no clue as to why, because you were to the best of your knowledge committing no offense whatsoever.

I wanted to just type "the fabric of reality is wobbly". But I need to correct myself. The fabric of reality/ies is the same as it ever was. What is wobbly is the veil between realities. Perhaps wobbly isn't the best word, it's probably better described as "more permeable". It is a bit like falling through the cracks without noticing that you're falling at all.

I am not quite certain yet, as to why this phenomenon is appearing more and more in my life. I am ok with living multiple scenarios out in one lifetime. I am ok with that because there is hope that in one of the realities, I actually was kind instead of irritated - or a downright monster. It's actually a sense of grace given by the universe to think that it's not really all a "one shot" deal, but that we have many ways to experience life and that we don't have to have so many regrets. It's like a chance at simultaneous "do overs!". (I am in no way shape or form implying that one has no more responsibility to behave, on the contrary, the need for responsibility for oneself has just increased infinitely.) In fact, there are events in my life that feel like they didn't really happen. I've long since wondered, whether those events were just a phase when I experienced a different reality for a prolonged amount of time and then returned to the "main event". Or, if I was analyzed properly (chuckles) I may just have a severe case of dissociation and denial. Luckily, I have been analyzed and found to be quite sane.

Events like "shifting" may be perceived as if one is in the "wrong movie". What it really is, I believe is a transcendence of the perception of linear time. The process of increasing one's frequency, one's vibration alongside the energetic development of the Earth does have an influence on the DNA. In the physical evolution over the last millenia, the human brain has opened up dormant capacities and has grasped things that our forebears were simply not able to fathom. I believe that what I am experiencing here is nothing other than an increase in mental capacity. My mind, which in the past used to reel at the expansive nature of losing the time-sequences is now just shrugging and sending impulses of gratitude, that nobody got into a car accident while shifting. It's mainly like "ok - now i'm here" (key - pointing to the importance of permanently residing in the moment).

Truly, isn't it safe to assume that the evolution of the human body could now include the experience of "talents" that have been quite special in the past and were known to occur only in some isolated instances? Well, I'm probably still talking to folks who will be born in the 2100s - so someone, make a hard copy of this for their great-great-great-grandchildren....Please! (I certainly am going to do that for mine).

What transpires for me during the experience of shifting is, that the incarnation, the experience of the physical expression of my soul is far greater than what I had previously believed. If we have a myriad of realities that we live in, with minute changes from one reality to the next, there may also be a myriad of realities whenever we make a life changing decision where we go actually both ways, where we experience one decision with a myriad of minute alterations, as well as the other decision, also with it's minute alterations. My mind visualizes this like branches on a tree and the twigs get finer and finer....It does for me hold this image of branching into endless opportunities for experience.

To support the bold statement in the paragraph above, I would like to share that I have made very big decisions in my life. The biggest probably being that I decided to leave my homeland to venture out to the USA and live my life here. Anyone who has emigrated from their home will know that there is a strange sense of homesickness that occurs on either side. It's like having one foot here and one foot there. I have come to terms with this over the years by noticing, that I have other realities in which I have chosen to stay in my homeland. There, I am with other people, living a life that is quite different from the experience I have here. These other realities are a fact for me, as I shift into them from time to time with my consciousness. One could believe that this is all fantasy, imagery, visualization. I know that these "dips" into the other realities are random and not planned. They occur in my opinion, so that I may learn and become conscious of this phenomenon and possibly embrace the incredibly diverse nature of being incarnated. One thing is for certain, and physicists will agree with me. Energy cannot be destroyed. It can only be altered in form. So nothing is ever lost - all is ever present and in that sense "continues", albeit not in that linear sense of time, a perception which seems to be on the way out, at least as far as I can tell.