Tuesday, November 30, 2010


The difficulties some folks experience at this time, is not even with themselves. At home, they do just fine. In the groups of their closest friends and companions on this journey, they thrive. When it comes to mingle with other people, in big crowds, things become a bit more difficult. At first, depending on the level of introversion or extroversion a personality came with, it may just be fine, but once back in the soothing surroundings of one's home or friend circle, there is a lead-like heaviness that seeps deeply into every cell of our body. The exhaustion that follows even short "outside events" is disproportionate to the consciously expended energy. This can mean that there is a great amount of expended energy that we are not consciously giving out, but automatically, or subconsciously.

Whatever the makings of the social events, if we come home exhausted from the encounters, there has been a loss of our energy. It is ok to let that energy leak out even if it leaves us exhausted. It is ok, that we empathically feel every negative thought form in our physical bodies. It is also evident, that it is our eleveated frequencies that open these perceptions up for us and make "normal" life quite difficult to cope with.

I have experienced most of these things all my life without knowing what it was. Lately, it has become more pronounced and I do not believe that to be because of my increased age, but rather my increase in energetic frequency. As with radio stations, in order to function in the remainders of the 3D environment, I need to "dial down" my frequency a bit. That happens automatically, most of the time, but it is becoming more and more difficult to dial "all the way down". What occurs is the energy that can be compared with sitting between two radio stations, neither of them coming in all the way - not a very nice energetic sound.

It appears that if I am truly in my "radio station" where I feel most comfortable, I begin to see people who are physically there, but energetically not - that is a rather strange phenomenon, but I do believe it has to do with energetic frequencies. There is a place where the dial just doesn't go any further (as with the radios we know). Those frequencies below or above our personal scale are just not perceived. This is not negative, nor positive, it just is.

I've further studied the energies and have come across a simple visualization that allows me to restore my energetic frequency quicker than before. It has to do with what I call the "crystal grid". This grid is in place and envelops the energy fields of planet Earth. The centers of this grid (the poles) are connected with 2 enormous crystals, one pink, one blue. You can visualize the blue one at an approximated "center" of the Earth and the pink one out in space (it will do). Then visualize and imagine your heart center to rotate, open up and fill your body with the love of your own heart. Now with one thought, one intention, hook your heart into the energy of the crystal grid. Connect with the grid and re-energize your physical body. Let the energy of the grid adjust your radio dial to where it needs to be (according to your individual level of consciousness) and you will find yourself feeling a lot better almost immediately.

I have done this little visualization before going to bed, and I wake up quite refreshed that way. The grid is in place, it is anchored, it is being maintained and it is ready to take on the amplified connection of those who wish to consciously connect with it.

I am open for more questions, feedback etc. - it's good to hear from you.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Bring 'em all in


Bring 'em all in, bring 'em all in, bring 'em all in, bring 'em all in, bring 'em all into my heart 
Bring 'em all in, bring 'em all in, bring 'em all in bring 'em all in, bring 'em all into my heart 

-bring the little fishes bring the sharks 
-bring 'em from the brightness, bring 'em from the dark 
-bring 'em from the caverns bring 'em from the heights 
-bring 'em from the shadows stand 'em in the light 
-bring 'em out of purdah,  bring 'em out of store 
-bring 'em out of hiding lay them at my door 
-bring  the unforgiven, bring the unredeemed 
-bring the lost, the nameless let 'em all be seen 
-bring 'em out of exile bring 'em out of sleep 
-bring 'em to the portal lay them at my feet

(Mike Scott/The Waterboys)

Lately I have come across music that warms my heart again. Music is always a sign of the times as is fashion. Although some songs have been around for quite a while, their popularity may have just recently jumped up. I say, "the bards are back!"...or they've always roamed the Earth, however, we weren't always there to listen to them. I hear them loudly, especially in these times. I hear what Mike says to me with this song. I know he is right. I know that with all the knowledge, the mind based stuff, I sometimes get so far out there on my tangents that the very simple directive of love sometimes seems to fall by the wayside. It is songs like these that remind me of what it all boils down to. Always, again and again - bring 'em all in.

To me it means to focus on inclusion, rather than exclusion. No matter how different I may feel from others, no matter how different my knowledge, my thought patterns may be. No matter how different, my physical experiences are during this time. Bring 'em all in. This is not a call to make them all into a copy of me. This is not a call to be a missionary. This is a distinct call to include everything into my heart. My heart - the place I hold my focus on. The place that ideally governs each and every one of my moves, no matter if I deal with a little fishie or a big shark, not matter if I deal with the "unforgiven" or those residing in the "shadow". It is a clear message from what I call a bard. Having roamed the Earth numerous times before as a bard or troubadour, (perhaps that's why I keep talking?)  I feel a close affinity to his task. He may know it, he may not, his music is driving, the rhythm shaking away the constructs I place around the heart so that it may be safe.

If I really take a very close look at my heart, a very candid look at the quality that I call "me", they're all already there, so the task is not a difficult one, it is one only of reminding myself of a simple fact, "we are all one" and by doing so, I've brought them all in.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Activation Phase

During this process of increasing our frequencies, I've noticed a wave-like pattern. It comes and goes. It ebbs and flows. At the turning point of the movement phases in either direction is a place that is often very difficult to navigate. It is that place where everything seems to be too hard. The feeling of not being able to do one more step is prevalent. Personally, I try to sleep through those days, or at least disengage from the overwhelming awareness the new energies bring. It is probably a coward's way of dealing with these turning points, but it works for me. I am certain, everyone will have their own way of navigating these moments.

I do want to investigate what happens in these yucky moments energetically. I am no scientist here on Earth, but I can follow energetic signatures. So I will explain it as accurately as I can perceive it. I make no claim to scientific accuracy, as that would be preposterous. If what I say here isn't scientifically accurate, then take it as a symbolic metaphor that describes a process.

If I go and visualize my DNA structure, I can see that the energies fill the structure up, until they reach a certain frequency. Then there's the stopping point. For further energy to envelop, permeate and flow through my DNA structure, new energetic pathways must open up. This will activate the next "level" or layer of the energetic counterparts of the physical DNA. With this activation, I am prepared to receive the next incoming increase in energetic frequency. This all happens on an energetic level, but it does affect and change the physical DNA as well. A Quantum physicist may be able to explain this more accurately.

Hormones, emotional states, mental states and spiritual states of being are affected significantly by this "activation process". We (meaning us females) could compare it to PMS. Emotionally, there can be remnants of "stuff" we need to let go of that hits us full force, creating situations that are so reminiscent of the 3D experience we have left behind. The best way to deal with it, is usually individual to each person. I opt for looking at what it is, acknowledging and then letting it go, as it is no longer useful to hang on to. Physically, it may hit us with full force and flu-like symptoms, headaches, nausea, upset stomach, dizziness, extreme fatigue ... and many more. Usually, these symptoms don't respond to regular nor alternative treatment and just need to be endured. However, before deciding that you are really experiencing "ascension symptoms", do yourself the favor, bank on common sense and get help if you need it. I have found that drinking lots of spring water helps a bit. Spiritually, we may have deep longing to be gone from this plane of experience, yet fully know that we will not terminate our lives. Most often, to me it feels as if I'm about to dissolve into a ball of energy and poof... I call it "homesickness" and just live with it. There may be anger and frustration over how slowly this process is going and how little impact it seems to have on the rest of the world. This too, is best just endured. A possible benefit from learning to endure this is a thorough understanding and expansive ability to exercise patience. There is a gift in everything.

Many things change during these phases of activation. Some affect our nourishment intake. Some affect our physical senses, some affect how we perceive time and space etc.

If we know that during each one of these phases, we open up yet a little bit more to embrace the next wave of increased energy frequency, which we will integrate into the newly activated DNA energetically and physically, which will bring us step by step a bit closer to where we are headed, if we can keep this information in our hearts and learn to endure, I bet the process will be a lot easier. It sure beats having the circuits burned out by taking in too high frequencies too quickly or all at once, thus rendering the physical body useless. Some of us may recall....

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Our Mother

I have been reflecting about what it really is that humanity is doing right now. I don’t want to walk the beaten path of terminology and speak of “Ascension”, raising energy frequencies and the like, even though that is in my opinion certainly happening. I want to bring a slightly different angle to what I’ve been observing, what I’ve been doing myself a few decades ago and what I see folks still doing at this present time.

I have spoken of growing up, of taking responsibility, of becoming an adult in the spiritual sense. It seems to me, that if one takes a look at our planet, we cannot help but think of it as our mother. We call it “Mother Earth”, old Earth-based traditions have long since referred to the Earth as our mother. There must be something to it. I took a look at Earth as our mother and saw that we, her children, are, in our teens, have been for a long time, We see the bigger picture clearer, if we remember our own teen years. We may not remember everything, but some feelings may be familiar. The fights, the rebellion, the breaking free with all our might, in order to call ourselves adults a few years later. Some people have not stopped being teenagers. Some people have so many learning experiences in this time, that there seems almost no time for some real growing up.

Let’s be honest, we were downright abusive to our parents, our mother in particular, until she gave up and let us go – or so it looked from our point of view. As I am a mother of a teenage daughter right now, I am facing a “watered” down period of rebellion, where my kid is almost needing to find things to rebel against, for I remember my own teens all too well and try to be a rather unorthodox mother. Yet, even then, she feels obviously the need to rebel, to go through this process of becoming an adult.

We can all remember either our own teens, the teen years of our kids, or nieces and nephews, grandkids – neighbor’s kids etc. Try to remember what is so predominant during those years. There is number 1 on my list: “self-absorption”. Followed by snotty attitude of always wanting to be right. (power). This is coupled with a lousy memory for things that the teen agreed to do. (Where are those frontal lobes again?). Reminders are met with an outcry of “do you not trust me ?” or “yeah, yeah, I’ll do it” …(a promise forgotten the instance it is uttered). There are good things about being or observing a teenager. There is vulnerability, there is trying on one’s grown-up shoes, there is really a great deal of creativity, especially when it comes to breaking free from the mold of the parents.

I am sure you will all have a different sort of idea what teenage years are all about and how they pan out. It
matters little. It is the age pertaining to the Solar Plexus Chakra, the power center, the energetic center of individual power and emotion. Drama is located there too.

If we now pan out with our lens, bring our focus away from the “model teen” that we were musing about and look around into the world. We see Mother Earth, weary, tired, yet still giving, forgiving, patient and seemingly always just there, endlessly providing. And we see a whole lot of humans living on Mother Earth, behaving like the teenager. Can we truly fault them? I believe not, for they are only in their phase of spiritual development. However, as with the messy careless room of the teenager, we see the pollution that engulfs Mother Earth, she can hardly keep up with the clean up. She’s weary, like any mother of a teenager would be. She’s tired. She’s possibly still wondering why she is mothering these teenagers! Until she lets go. Until the teenagers let go – Let go of taking the Mother for granted. Until the teenagers realize that they are hurting their Mother and depleting all her resources. Until this moment, when the teenagers grow up to be almost adults. When their frontal lobes, magically return to full function. That is the moment of glory, when the teenagers grow up and begin giving back to their Mother who has carried, supported, endured and loved despite all that has been done to Her.

I cannot wait for human kind to grow up. I am impatient. I feel like an older sister, who sees their rebellious teen sibling not quite deciding to grow up. We, as in humanity, we owe our Mother at least the heartfelt respect and recognition for the amount of support she has given us. It wouldn’t hurt if we took her into our loving thoughts as we would our own mother. The respect an adult gives their mother, in full understanding of what we have put her through, what she endured on our behalf, so that we could grow up to be the beautiful humanity residing in our hearts.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Because it's my Choice

I've written about many things already - I have reached a point where things start over. Topics begin to repeat themselves. That's ok, we do need reminders, but today, I'm at a loss for a "great new topic". So I'm picking an oldie.

Look at your experience of your day today. Is it a happy day - then I guess you chose happiness. If it's a sad day, then you chose sadness. Both choices are allowed. Both experiences are equally valid. I will not say, the person who chooses sadness for today is worse than the one who chooses happiness. What I do notice is, that both parties are in their full power of choice. As simple as that.

You could begin to argue with me here that the person choosing sadness may have reason and that the same goes for the person who chooses happiness. I dare say, repeat really, that the experience of either feeling is only seemingly related to events in one's life. It can be defied !... Free will choice allows us to focus our attention wherever we wish to focus it on. And that's that ! It is that easy.

Already, just by writing this, I remind myself that what started as a somewhat slow or even gloomy day, can be fun, happy and interesting, according to my inner focus, according to my choice.

If you don't believe this, then don't take my word, by all means, I don't really want you to take my word and believe it unexperienced. That would bind you to me in a most undesirable fashion. No, I do wish for each person who doubts these words to try it out. Experiment with this concept. Defy the feelings you do not wish to experience and focus instead on what you would like. If your outlook doesn't change, then I don't know, then I guess you either didn't maintain the choice long enough in your system (i.e. didn't hold the new focus strongly enough) or your circumstances must really be horrible. (I am assuming that nobody in their right mind will try and bring about a sad or painful experience on purpose - or am I mistaken?) I do understand that there are life situations that will not quickly change one's feelings about the day. For those situations, I recommend giving oneself perhaps an hour a day where the existing hardship is forgotten, and in your mind, a new, fear free, loving and enjoyable experience can be conjured. I recommend this in the worst possible cases of "bad day". For otherwise we perpetuate the difficult experience and keep it alive.

I understand that it may be difficult some times to defy what is right before us. To become a "dreamer" rather than staying a "realist". I put these two words in inverted commas for a reason, for what other is a realist, than a dreamer too and what other is a dreamer, than a realist ?

Anyways, I could go on and on, and turn myself around in this hokey pokey, but I'm going to choose not to. Instead, I'm going to focus on how loving my environment is and how lovely the moments of my free day, free from any push, pull, chore and societal events like this Black Friday - just free, because it's my choice.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Just when I Thought...

Just when I thought, I've become as close to who I feel I am inside, just then, when I thought: "Man, you're really authentic now!" I had to eat humble pie again. There, in the depth of my innards was an unrecognized bit... let me tell you the story on how I came to find it.

A while back, I've found archetypes. Looking at archetypes allowed me to get a clearer idea what my talents meant and how they would possibly need to be expressed, or lived. I found 3. The High Priestess appealed to me, the Healer and the Bohemian. I truly live quite a bohemian lifestyle. I ask myself sometimes whether I am doing my kids no favor by omitting to be a role model of how one "goes to work" every morning. I choose to stay at home instead, even though being self-employed does have it's scary side, especially, when that Healer archetype - talent,  just doesn't seem to draw in enough to live on.

Whenever something isn't quite right, or doesn't fill me with that distinct glow of satisfaction, I take a closer look at it (after procrastinating and pushing it away for a bit of course...ok, ok, I push it away a lot, because I don't really want to take a closer look, because what I may find may not be so nice... ). So I finally had enough of the "drought", enough of not knowing why people don't come in droves and run in my practice. I'm a good homeopath, I know my trade well. I have confirmation of that with almost every case. That's not the problem. What I did find, was that my archetype isn't "Healer" after all. I imagine a true healer to be driven by an overwhelming sense to want to relieve suffering in the world - mainly physical suffering. I am no such healer. Oh, I do have compassion and I don't like to see people suffer. But my first inclination is to "fix" the state they are in, for I look beyond the physical body, beyond the suffering, With almost x-ray like vision I hone in to see the underlying state of what ails people and busy myself to find a way to set things right again. It's a drive to create harmony. My new archetype comes close to "piano tuner"...or something like that. I love harmony. I love harmony in music and peoples' energies are music to me. So as the piano tuner tunes the instrument, truly with love, I see myself going about the business to do just that with people. The fact that greater health ensues by being more "in tune" with the song of the essence, is but a lucky side effect.

Now that I have discarded the mantle of "healer", I feel sadness at first, for I have believed myself to be one. I am not a  healer in a traditional sense, but I am capable of making dissonances disappear in people. Perhaps it is time that the modality of homeopathy found it's way into the realm of personal transformation and spiritual development.

As I am writing this, I feel again the glow of rightness expand through my heart. It is as if a chord has been struck, it sounds harmonious. I am very interested in lending a hand whenever folks wish to transform and clear themselves of the dissonant tunes within themselves. I am capable of doing so and perhaps there is just no job title for my talent yet - perhaps I'll find one and if not, I may just invent it.

Bottom line is, the journey towards full authenticity is ongoing, rest stops are allowed, but when the experience of my world around me leaves something to be desired, then it's time to take a hard look at the reasons why things aren't flowing according to my wishes. The actual inner work may take on as many expressions as there are people. For those who are practically enclined, just find a quiet spot with some quiet time and ask yourself : "Why am I experiencing this in a way that doesn't fulfill my desire?" Then follow your intuition to the reasons why. Don't stop at the first insight, do keep going until you get the full picture - and then, bring it into waking awareness, make changes in your life according to what you have learned and put on that new more authentic cloak. I for one am very curious to see how my revelations change my experience in this reality. What a ride !

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Attachment is Suffering

In Buddhist tradition, the premise of "Attachment is Suffering" is well known. Mostly, it has been looked at on the surface, meaning attachment to material things. Yes, attachment is indeed suffering. The greatest attachment I have experienced in my life is however not to things, but to individuals. The form of attachment I want to address is called "dependency". The psychological definition of "dependency" states it to be "overreliance by a person on another person". I have spoken of growing up, I have spoken of how taking responsibility means stepping into adulthood. Now I want to speak of this little (or large) pebble, rock, or even boulder that hinders a person from becoming a self-empowered, free, adult being of the new world.

Reliance can be a nice thing, trust, faith in another. However, the word is also defined as "To be dependent for support, help, or supply". It is this latter definition I would like to focus on. It is embedded in human nature, that we are one on some level. The expression of this oneness however, has taken on this twist of dependence. I would see dependence as a misdirected energy. The sense of oneness that people get when they depend fully on someone else comes rather close to the sense of being one. This phenomenon is seen mostly in the dynamics of couples. These relationships sometimes depend on each other mutually, and a state of co-dependency develops. The sense of never being free develops right along with it and it is actually a very accurate sense, for when one is dependent on another, freedom falls by the wayside. I am almost certain, there are many readers out there who have experienced this sort of dependent state, where one doesn't feel whole without the partner. This, I believe is possibly the deepest state of dependency on another we can enter into. If we depend on another person, to the point of not feeling whole, then we are not free any longer, we are at the mercy of that other person's whereabouts and goodwill. That means, we gave up our own sense of wholeness. That is not love, that is not intimacy, it isn't even a heart felt relationship. It is mere dependency. It is the relying on another's presence and goodwill towards us, in order to feel whole. It is possibly the state furthest away from being an adult and aware of the oneness of all that is.
It is, of course, allowed to be in this state and make this experience.

If we are, however, trying to be spiritual adults, trying to experience the oneness that we comprehend in our logical minds, we need to give up these kind of dependencies on individuals as well as things. How does one go about giving up dependencies? I really cannot truly think of all the possible ways, but I can tell of one way that worked for me. If the amount of self-love and self-awareness becomes large enough that one can define oneself without the crutch of being someone's "better half" or "student" or any other "denomination". If I can stand on two feet firmly on the ground, with absolute knowledge that nobody outside myself can or will define or determine who I am in an essential way. If I can love myself alone at any given time, without any attributed "roles", be it during a moment of glory or a moment of shame, a moment of humbleness or of roaring power. If I am able to see myself defined and loved, not by others, but by myself alone, for better or worse so to speak, then I am truly free. In this freedom, I can then realize that without these attachments, I am freely a part of the whole. This secondary reaction that draws me into the oneness of all that is, is quite automatic, for when I stand alone, I strip myself of any dependencies, then I can only see my authentic self and as such, the fold of the oneness takes me on in a heart beat.

There is a question that remains. How do relationships look if people stop depending on one another? It's a good question and I have seen but few relationships that work that way. The bottom line is that the choice of being together is one of mutual sharing, not of co-depending. This mutual sharing is done freely without giving up a part of oneself to the other. Total integrity and authenticity of each person in the relationship is a given and it is nurtured, maintained. Inasmuch, the groundwork for true intimacy is already given. There is no leader, there is no follower. There is but a dance of equals, expressing their own ways, weaving together, flowing apart, as the energies of a day demand. There is no blame, no shame, no victim no perpetrator. It truly is the most beautiful thing anyone could hope to achieve. The individuality, the oneness and the dance of two all wrapped up into one expression.

I am aware, that in order to let go of dependencies, there is always the fear of loss, the fear of falling, the fear...the fear...Fear never breeds anything less than more fear. Fears are best met head on, shed light on the fear, do it anyways, one heart felt intent is enough to get things moving.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


From the feedback I got for my post yesterday, I feel the urge to connect a few more dots. So I was talking about the act of spiritually growing up, by taking responsibility for one's actions or inactions. I talked about how stepping into one's heart energy will automatically evoke a sense of responsibility. I stand by that. What I didn't talk about was the benefits - yes, there are benefits ! The word responsibility leaves such a bad taste in some mouths, that thinking beyond the negative connotations may not be easy. There are positive reactions to a life lead in a responsible manner. I did mention the resulting peace that I imagine would come from it if society as a whole would step into such a place. Since we can't really know for certain, as this civilization has most definitely not yet reached that level of spiritual awareness as a collective, I can but focus back on the effects responsibility has on an individual level.

At first, it makes you feel really grown up - dependencies fall away on their own, because you realize that they are no longer necessary. In one swoop, you will feel empowered. Perhaps you'll feel a bit vulnerable at first, you know similar to when you reach 18 and all of a sudden you're considered to be an adult... Yes, there will be more to this process than reaching and stepping past the threshold from spiritual teenager to spiritual adult, but it can be quite a thrilling moment when you realize that nobody, no religion, no authority, nothing at all will tell you what to believe, how to live your life when it comes to your spirituality. You can still enjoy words of inspiration from various places, but you know deep inside that the actual choice what you will accept as your path is yours alone. Nobody can tell you anything and from one moment to the next, you have freed yourself from religious influences. This does not mean you should no longer attend the services of your chosen church if you attend one. I am not the authority to tell you to stop going there. You will find out within yourself what nurtures your soul and what doesn't and nobody has a right to think they would know what that is - nobody !

It is in this state of independence that you will find that self-empowerment that I was talking about recently. This will be the humanity of the new world. Self-empowered, spiritually adult people who take responsibility for themselves on all levels. In one (easy) step, we can stop putting others down, we can realize that there are as many views as there are people and we can simply walk away from those who think they hold an authority over us. It may not seem that simple, but in reality, it is that simple.

Once you have decided to step into that place of spiritual adulthood, once you have decided to live your life from the perspective of the heart, your choices will be colored by this decision. You will set yourself free, even if you were physically locked in a prison cell, you would be free. It is an inner freedom. Once that inner freedom is realized, your perception of your daily life will most certainly change, as your experience of it is but the mirror of your innermost awareness.

It's like a chain reaction. Based on this sensation of inner freedom, your whole self will be flooded with attributes that have been pointed out as "important", like compassion, patience, understanding, love for all beings including yourself and many more. It is my firm belief, that these attributes come automatically, that they do not need to be fostered, kindled or anything of the sort. The universe is made of love, there is a never ending abundance of it. Once you are free inside, there is room for it and it will be flowing from within your heart outward - In my understanding of things, it is a lot harder to meditate your way towards this freedom, than it is to step into adulthood by choice and embrace that little word "responsibility" with all its implications.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Growing Up

The great hype is out there with talk of "ascension" of "increase in frequency" of "going home" even. One thing is for certain for me, no matter what this journey is called, no matter what it is about for each individual, it cannot be successfully completed without one ever so important "ingredient". I don't know where people reside, but in order to "grow up" spiritually or otherwise, in life or on a spiritual journey, one most definitely needs to find a place of independence. This place of independence is carried by one simple thing. It is the quality of taking responsibility for oneself.

I have kids, they depend on me for certain things. However, they also strive to find their place of independence as they grow up. I encourage this weaning process and see the similarities it has to my own spiritual journey. The independence does not come without letting go of apron strings and crutches. We cannot hope to grow up spiritually and call ourselves "enlightened" if we refuse to take responsibility.

So what are we taking responsibility for ? Surely not that the world is in the dismal state it is in - right? Wrong ! We do take responsibility for everything that we cause by our action or inaction. Being passive is the very same thing as being active, just in reverse. Not doing something we ought to be doing (especially when we don't do what we came here to do) carries the burden of responsibility. It causes something. It isn't that our inertia, apathy or whatever you wish to call it causes nothing - it does cause something and for that we are responsible. That's the bottom line. I am not the authority in your life to tell you what that means, as a grown up, spiritually mature individual, you will sense within yourself the implications of your actions and inactions.

Imagine a society where everyone is aware of what their actions or inactions cause. This may be a bit of a stretch, but try anyways. Imagine what would happen if people actually took responsibility for themselves? In my imagination there would be almost instant peace. Consciousness would be such that inflicting harm and not doing what we came here to do would just not be possible anymore. The responsibility factor would keep us in line - not artificially concocted laws, that then need authority figures to keep us in line! That is a state of dependence and our society has grown used to it. We would each know beyond a shadow of a doubt what is right and what is wrong on the gross scale. We would also empathically sense what our actions and inactions cause to those around us, even to the whole grid of interconnected consciousnesses - to the whole. We would be able to sense the ripples our words would make. We would see the implications our deeds would have.

At first, I reckon, we would stop doing anything, we would stagnate. We would say, better not do anything, rather than cause harm. Well, there's the problem again - inaction when action is called for from our hearts can harm as much as wrongful action can. It's not the solution to the puzzle at hand. What can be a possible solution, and I urge each and everyone to check this within their own pools of wisdom, is to get in touch with one's heart. Consciously ! I've expressed this before and many others have too, but it always boils back down to this. Take your awareness and step into your heart. From this place you will know what to do, you will get to know the true you, you will find out your purpose in this life time and most of all, you will instantly know what to do and what not to do and it will be easy to take responsibility for yourself.

This is an essential part of growing up. Most of us reading this have grown up physically, most of us have grown up mentally, a few less have grown up emotionally - but how many of you have grown up spiritually ? The journey isn't complete unless you find yourself grown up on all levels and although some levels seem to be more difficult to manage or navigate than others, it is possible to take on this spiritual responsibility and act from the heart when your heart tells you to. It is easy and absolutely an innate urge to take responsibility for oneself, not for others mind you, but for oneself. If we all did this, really did this - imagine the social changes on this planet....

Truly awakened consciousness, true awareness of your heart's impulses manifested in the physical realm will bring peace.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Spirit is Quiet

I've pondered today, unable to form a clear thought that I believe would fit into my blog.Life is quiet. The November weather plays its part. All family members quietly do their own thing. Here, it's not a day of great excitement or sharing. It's a quiet day. The task, the contract that I feel I have entered into to write a blog post every day seems heavy. It feels like wading through mud while wearing flip flops. There is a sense of responsibility, it's wrestling with the desire to procrastinate. Some days, words just jump at me and ride the post right to its end. On other days, like today, Spirit is quiet. In those moments of quietness, of seemingly vast and endless space in my heart, in my inner world, nothing peeks above the threshold into my consciousness. Oh, well, not really true, some small musings, a word, flitting through the vast and empty landscape of my quiet mind. The word was "doubt".

It can be, that such vast and empty quietude brings doubt. It used to be like this for me, when Spirit ceased its directions, when helpers decided that I could walk on my own now. Self-empowered ! I let the events of the last week pass in my memory and I realize that today is such a moment. I am self-empowered. I have nobody who tells me what to do or how to do it. I feel a remainder of self-doubt. It's small, it's still there and I grab hold of it for a moment, I want to consciously perceive it. It says to me in a very small voice: "you haven't created anything massively different since your moment of power - what's up ?" I realize that the voice is really speaking the truth. It used to reiterate my delusions to me, but this time, I cannot argue with it. It's true - I haven't won the lottery, even though I did buy a ticket (it greatly increases the chances to win I'm told). I haven't been able to change anything in my world, I've been rather grumpy actually. So the voice goes: "What if this is all just illusion? This self-empowerment stuff... this creating of one's own reality thing?"

I let the voice of doubt bring up all it's little comments and notions. They're there anyways, whether I let them have their say or not, so might as well let the process unfold. Doubt pushed down just keeps eroding self-esteem from beneath. It's better to know what one is up against in my opinion. What Doubt doesn't know yet (or just hasn't figured out yet) is that I have it's antidote. I do listen to Doubt, because sometimes, it isn't doubt at all, sometimes the what I believe to be Doubt, is the inner voice that tells you to steer away from something and it would be good to heed it's advice. Just not all the time. Most of the time, doubting Thomases around the world will know this, Doubt is just that - Doubt - doubting everything that could be valuable, everything that could bring one a bit closer to that point of self-empowerment. Doubt has the ability to cripple a person severely.

I have found it's antidote a long time ago and I believe it still works. Some very wise person once asked me: " Have you ever doubted Doubt?"

If you experience many doubts in your life and cannot differentiate them from your inner voice of warning, which may sound so very much like doubt, begin to ponder that question. Have you ever doubted Doubt ? If not, give it a try - for if you doubt Doubt, it will quickly lose it's grip, stop chewing on your roots of power and all that's left is the true messages of warning that should be heeded, for these are not Doubt, even if they look like it.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Being a Victim

I'm drawn today to explore the state of victimhood. The word is defined as: The state or perception of being a victim. I find that very interesting, especially the second bit here... "perception of being a victim". I do not wish to disrespect true victims of whatever crime, situation or the like. Instead, I want to focus on the "perception" part. How often have you experienced this state of victimhood, the perception that you are a victim of something or other? I don't know about you, but I can freely say that I've spent a part of my life living in that state. In the perception of being a victim. It had its draw for me, it totally fit into my need for drama. It perpetuated drama just fine. I took it on and it fit me like a glove. Being a victim was fine, I was helpless, it wasn't my fault and it wasn't therefore my responsibility to take on. Swell ! Really fine thing this state of victimhood !

I want to go explore this state a bit closer now that a while back I've decided to step out of it, to bid it farewell. It's great to call it my experience in this life, I do feel somewhat of an expert around this stuff. Well, so it goes, victimhood, hmmm.... yes, again that helplessness, that needing to be saved, that neediness for sympathy, the whole shebang - it's all there, but what is at the opposite end ? I cannot properly know something without knowing it's polar opposite, now can I ?. Well, the internet journey through google and thesaurus ddn't yield exactly a fitting antonym. I have to come up with one on my own. For me, the antonym would be power. The feeling of being a victim implies to be powerless against a situation or person. In my understanding of polarity, the energy of being powerless is the same energy that allows one to be powerful. 

If someone finds themselves in a perceived state of victimhood, they also carry, inherently, the energy of being powerful. It is thus given that each person suffering from the delusion (the perception) of being a victim without being one, has in their bag enough power to shift this around - to step into their own power, to step out of  this fictive state of victimhood, that looks so real when one is in it. What is needed is to call the bluff within you. To step out of the powerless state that offers you so many excuses and mosy on over to the other end of the teeter totter - there lies your power, there it is, just within reach. It's yours to claim and it comes with a whole lot of responsibility, first of all, to never fall prey again to the illusion of being a victim when you are not.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Enough is Enough

Today, I was asked the question: "what kind of qualities does a person in the "new energies" have?" I'm pondering this, yet I realize that I do not have to really think about anything, the answer slipped in the moment the question was asked. I did not have to listen, feel or look for the answer. I did not have to use any of my mental faculties to derive logically what it could be. I could know - instantly know that a person in the new energies would be self-empowered. He(and she) would not have to make himself small, would not have to make anyone else small - and at the same time, would not have to make himself big, nor anyone else big. He(she) would be balanced in the true power of the one. No, that is wrong, he or she would BE the power of the ONE, for that is who we all are.

Furthermore, the image of a circle of people holding hands was shown to me by a friend. She liked that image with the mention "be connected". I felt a smile come up and at the same time the righteous raw power that I spoke of yesterday coursed through me. It crackled in it's electricity, the lightning quality I want to name it today. That image is such crock! ... Oh get me right, I am all for togetherness, connectedness etc. love and light - yes ! ...What I feel goes totally against my grain is the assumption that lies at the bottom of this image - it is that we are NOT connected, that we need to reach out and hold each others hands !... That goes against every fiber (every newfound fiber) in my being. It is so blatantly wrong that It makes me feel ill. In essence, all people ARE already one - the illusion of separation is a very persistent one, for even in the knowledge that we are one, we perpetuate images of holding hands, of building circles, of needing to connect.

I'm impatient, yes, I do not want to hold my own hand any longer - I don't want to connect with myself in order to covercome this illusion. I know inside, deep inside that images like this actually perpetuate the illusion ! I want to take a big broom and sweep these images aside - with one big swoop ! They are not truthful in essence! Get me right, it's not about being right or wrong, it's about being authentic and what is the most authentic place for any soul ? ANY soul?

I dare say straight up, that it is the absolute irrevocable understanding and integration of the knowledge that each and every soul IS the one, already connected, already whole.

It may take a giant leap of faith but the energies of these days, the alignments of the planets even as I read from astrologers' points of views, are geared towards facilitating this giant leap. If you have a feeling of "enough is enough", if you just about had it with pussyfooting around, with dancing and prancing around the core issue, then have heart and step into your own power.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Coming of Age

In the name of justice I declare the absolute need for balance. Balance and compensation for what I have given out this lifetime. I do not wish to reap in a future life time, it was promised to me this time around and I will not back down from this place, at least not today.

It took 47 years of fulfilling my part of contracts, bargains, requests which came in my perception from the depth of the universe. All for the good of mankind, for the cleansing of my patterns, for the clearing of any and all karma. I have done each and every thing that was before me and as of yesterday, it dawned on me that the grand prize has been withheld, oh no, at first it was given, but then yanked away from me, due to what is called "free will".

Oh it was not the time to dive into the abyss of victimhood. I have clearly summoned all the power that is available to me, no in fact, all the power that IS me. Helpers whom I have long since recognized to be there at all times were stunned at the display of grabbing hold of all this energy, this power. They literally were silenced. I think I may have startled them a bit. That's OK. It is in this righteous, holy fury, in which I have bathed myself yesterday, expressed it loudly in my empty house. Oh I shook my fist towards the heavens so to speak. I shouted and cried, I felt the energy surges go through me in waves of sheer pure light, it was blindingly white, dazzling and extremely powerful. I have hardly been able to contain it all in my physical frame and for sure it felt I was going to dissolve into this white energy of purity, the raw blank of creation.  I must have glowed and radiated on the energetic levels like a christmas tree. No matter - the storm is,  today, on it's way out. It has not done any damage, but the air is cleansed now that the reservoir of pure potential is tapped.

This is not a moment of wild, child like temper tantrum, as I have lived through frequently in my past. This is a moment of renewal, of coming of age. It is the moment of stepping into the place where I own who I am fully. I own the full amount of power that is ME - on all the planes of existence. And the helpers are silent, for what else can they say to this ?

I am probably today, as floored as they are. Still extremely insistent on getting my way - it's my right, it's justice that needs fulfilled. It is with this sensation of absoluteness that I go about creating my new life - from this moment forth. Everything, and I mean truly everything is possible in this state of full integration of all of my power. There is nothing humble about it. I feel that since I have opened this well, tapped into it, ladled out a share for taste, I am ready for the responsibility this brings. May I use it for the highest good.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I've wondered about something that has popped up into my field of vision on and off over the years. If someone comes to me with a problem and I offer a valid solution, more often than not, they turn away and will continue struggling. I've long since learned not to take this too personal, but it has been puzzling me for a long time. After pondering this phenomenon, I realized a few things. There is an uncanny parallel between the individual incidences and what I see out in the world. Real solutions to real problems have very often been dismissed, denounced, the person offering the solution has been dismissed along with the solution or even slandered - let alone burned at the stake.

What does "solution" mean? It is a process of dissolution. Dissolution means "undoing, breaking up of a state". "Dissolving" is the action therein. Dissolving means to disintegrate, to disappear (gradually). Basically, dissolution is the process of breaking up, undoing of one state to achieve another (e.g. from the transformation from a solid state to liquid state in chemistry). That means that the previous state is gone - for good ! - and a new state is achieved.

Humanity doesn't burn anyone at the stake anymore for their "solution" to a problem - or do they ? I feel that it is still being done. Not physically perhaps, but most certainly ideas which offer solutions have been burned at the stake. With these ideas, I mean those solutions which create the very real dissolution of the current problem, the absolute dismissal of a previous situation which makes then room for a new situation, a brand new one, I mean an absolutely more beneficial one for all concerned, including mother earth.

This may sound very theoretical, but there are many instances, where the "solutions" that have been chosen to remedy a problem are not real solutions, but only short-term band aids, which guarantee the continuation of the drama. Yes, the world today, still, functions on drama alone. Drama is entertainment, it holds a value for humanity that I do comprehend. What if, say - what if the major problems we face today actually have a real solution? Are we actually ready to listen to the brave soul who thinks outside the box and offers this solution, mostly free of charge, for the good of all involved? I dare say, NO! Humanity, Governments, people in charge, even those not in charge or only in charge of their own families seem to dismiss everything other than what perpetuates the drama in their lives.

Cruel statement, one could think, but if you go look around, check your news sources, be aware of your immediate community, yes, even your very closest family. Nobody really wants a solution that would change their lives - I say nobody and mean: perhaps one or two are brave enough to really face what a true solution would mean. So KUDOS to those few brave ones !!

Famous scientists communicate through the internet and their views, their scientific achievements are available for anyone with internet connection. Do they offer real solutions to the problems that ail our world ? If so, are those scientists really given the credit they deserve ? And if so, if someone in the scientific field really has a solution to a problem, and I do not mean a lessening of a persisting problem, so that we can live with it for another 20 years or so, but a true solution, a solving of the problem so that the problem is transformed and dissolved, is he or she heard? I make a bold statement if I say NO!... However, it is my freedom to say this, as I experience it - NO, the world and humanity is not interested in solutions, it is more interested in the entertainment value of drama. Solutions would require a real change, a real loss of something we have grown used to  for so long. A solution would mean transformation from one state into a completely different state, not the lessening of a previous state into a similar one that just "doesn't hurt as bad as before".

I see this "behavior" of humanity in the fields of all sciences, healing, personal growth, spirituality, education, environmentalism, politics etc, (I'm certain I've left a great many fields out)  it permeates every field I can think of.

The same goes for true wise folk, the sages of the world, who live day in and day out with their own solution, they speak of it, they publicize it and yet, they are seemingly unheard as their message falls on but a few open ears and after hearing the message and even agreeing to it, who is really brave enough to embark on the journey to actually transform oneself according to the message? It takes guts to say YES to real change, to say YES to solutions. It takes more courage still, after having agreed to the solution to stick with it and go through the transformatory process that follows it.

I for one, next time I am drawn to whine about my problem, whatever it may be, I will try to refrain and seek a solution, something that offers a real transformation, not just something that buys me a few more days of comfort so that the drama continues a bit later on. 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Harnessing the Energy of the Moment

For quite a while now, I've found a way to live my life without having to buy into the rat race of those around me. I feel privileged, a bit weird of course and quite daring. I have no clue whether my decision to live my life this way will come to bite me later on. It just may, or ... it may not. What I am practicing at this time is to "harness the energy of the moment". This term popped into my mind just now. I wasn't even aware that that's what I'm trying to accomplish. I want to take a closer look at it though, for my absolutely best loved tool in my tool box of life is curiosity. (even if it kills the cat sometimes!)

In order to be able to embark on the journey to learn how to harness the energy of the moment, so my belief, one has to allow oneself to reside in the now. This place has gotten quite a reputation for a while now, yeah, I believe the "be here now" quote has popped up around 1971 (at least Ram Dass' book dates from back then.) Guys ! that was 39 years ago !...

So here we are, hopefully at least with one foot sometimes in the now and trying to "harness the energy of the moment". What does it mean ? In my experience, it means that each moment, each expanse of now holds the potential for something - this "something" is most definitely different for each one of us. Sure, there may be joint ventures, where the "something" is the same for a group of people, but ultimately, one has only one's own NOW to deal with. OK, I'm in the now, that part is clear, for I have no attachment to yesterday, none to tomorrow or any other time frame. It is now and I am here - waiting... trying to harness something ... what if nothing is there ? what if that something is not good enough for me and my world ? what if ? what if ? ... yeah, that's the mind reeling, it can't really give up that little bit of control that it has left. I let it run through the questions. They are but products of fear and doubt. I feel it all calm down in the meditative fashion of letting go. That's good - the emptier I become, the greater my potential for harnessing what this moment has in store for me. Then, quietly, softly, tentatively, that inner voice begins to call. A desire pops up, it's the desire pops up. That's what wants to be harnessed this very moment. The moment itself has provided the guideline for what is in store for it. I never even had to guess at anything and the surprise is complete, for I could not  have come up with it, based on thinking processes alone.

It matters not what this moment offered to me - what matters is the makings of the process to allow oneself to be this still, to allow for the possibility of the moment to expand and manifest. As I embark on doing what is before me, exactly as it unfolds, every new moment carrying me faithfully into the potential of what the moment brought to me, I feel alive. I feel very much alive, my life has the ultimate purpose. Again, it matters not, whether that moment brought to me that it is a good moment to do the laundry, to wash dishes, to rake leaves - or to write this blog. It matters not, whether what I harness in any moment brings me money, for it already brought an abundance of wealth. I condsider myself immensely rich because I have been able to harness the energy of a moment. Whatever that "thing" is that your moment brings to you, it will flow easily, joyfully and make total sense (however this, sometimes only in hindsight). Do not think for one moment that any thing is better than the next - it isn't something that we can really judge. It also dawns on me, that my eternal need to procrastinate things has sometimes to do with waiting for the right moment, however, I cannot say, that all my procrastinations were that - just some of them :) It takes a great deal of honesty towards the process and oneself to figure out which was which, but it's a moot point anyways, for in the now, the past has no pull.

With this experience, I truly believe that if more and more people harness the energies of their moment, we can become more fulfilled and peaceful as a group, a society, a civilization.

Monday, November 15, 2010


For the sake of balance, I would like to address "the other side" of yesterday's topic. I talked about what we can do to improve communication and bring it to a level of 4D. That was from the point of view of sharing some information. Now in my understanding, sharing is defined as  "communion: sharing thoughts and feeling" Communion... let's explore the word a bit closer, it is defined as: "mutual participation" ...now that brings it to the point for me. The word "mutual" implies that the sharing is equal on both ends, the receiving and the giving in order to become communion. It is not the words that need to be equal of course, but the intent, the energetic signature that lies beneath the communication should be.

This brings a responsibility to each person who wishes to bring their communication to a different level. I must at first blindly assume perhaps that the person I communicate with is equally interested to share their information, rather than dictate it. In this frame of mind, I have the responsibility to assume that it is so, and with this assumption, I then need to keep in mind (and heart) that I receive the shared information in this spirit of communion. As a gift, as a means of connection, inclusion and augmentation of intellectual wealth.

Since it is in my own power to create my experience here on the physical plane, and since everything I experience is but a mirror of myself, it seems very clear that having such a stance when entering any communication should be beneficial in the end and contribute to a peaceful, enriched experience. Not surprising to me, I feel myself reeling...yes, there are beliefs, experiences from the past, where I thought I had exactly this in mind, where I made myself vulnerable and ready for communion with very trusted individuals ... ouch... memories surface that wish to deny that what I just said holds truth.

I don't believe in fear unless it is to warn me of immediate danger. This is why I am curious enough to try things out. I am mulling over what may work for me. I believe that I would fare best with an acceptable intermediate point of reference that I could use while I train myself in "communion" as a means of communication. I am finding that the platform of the unprejudiced observer comes in handy once more. From there, I can partake, observe and then quietly discern where I wish to enter into that deeper form of sharing, into communion.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Got an Opinion?

It has occurred to me that there is always a flurry of opinions that go around, quite especially so among people who declare themselves to be in states of "zen" or what have you. I observe that comments are being made, well meant, of how things ought to be, or what one should better do, and it always boils down to the same thing: ego is in play, it has the reigns it wants to be right. It is a subtle energy that permeates the "opinions" and I am possibly more often than not, sitting in the very same boat. I want to investigate this phenomenon. Having an opinion is not the same as sharing a viewpoint (in my opinion!).

If I share an experience, a viewpoint, even an epiphany that left it's imprint on my matrix, I am possibly just sharing this. However, if I then go on to make the viewpoint my opinion, if I feel inside: "hah! I got it! THIS is the way it IS"...whoops ! that's when the pitfall of opinion comes into play.

It's quite a dance and I'm equally flawed as any human being, that I take on my viewpoints and make them my opinions. Oh I have even felt very strongly at times that my opinion were "the truth". I am freely admitting this, for it makes me laugh. I've eaten humble pie on that one far too often not to giggle inside now. Is there such a thing as "the truth" ? I do believe so, and hence, for me there must be. I do believe that I am still utterly blind to it though, even though some call me a seer. All I am able to see, truly see, is what my mind allows me to. All I am able to hold as true however, is what my heart tells me to. (and even that is foolish at times).

So the ultimate truth must be, or so my opinion goes, a marriage between the heart and the head. I do hold the belief that there are infinite possibilities, so for me, there are. If you decide to limit your experience here, then so it shall be for you. One thing does not negate the other. The pivotal point I am trying to make here is how we deal with each other, if our views, opinions and experiences differ vastly, or even just a little bit.

It can happen at a moment's notice, that the ego slips in, grabs the reigns and says: "see - he doesn't know anything really - I know better..." Thoughts like these happen, to all of us, I'm almost certain of this. So let them happen. It's ok to have thoughts like these. Just be nimble enough to greet your ego and call its bluff if thoughts like these flit through your mind ! My experience with this is, that when thoughts like these happen, they tend to destabilize one's balance point. They rip one out of the place of compassion, out of the heart, straight into the polarity bath of 3D. It happens, it still does, yes, it does, I see it all around me and I believe, it's really ok - for me it's really ok as long as I am aware of what it is, as long as I don't buy into it, as long as I remain in my place of heart felt observation.

Now this leads me to the question of how could we even communicate with each other, if we were only remaining still in observation? Well, indeed, communication would stop. There is one way of communication that appeals to me. It is called "sharing". If any information given out, communicated or otherwise imparted is done so from the place of heart felt sharing, I believe we step into communication of the heart. The British color therapy system of Aura Soma attributes the color vibration turquoise to this quality and as I am writing, I feel a deeper understanding of this turquoise color dawning within me.

To ground this information I would like to explore what it would take to physically enter into the place of sharing with others. I believe it takes most definitely an open heart. It takes the openness and the readiness to remain balanced and utterly detached, whether the shared bit of information is received, not received and most importantly on how it is received. This detachment from the need to have a particular outcome is a form of open respect, a form of love and acknowledgment of the free will of our fellow travelers here on earth. If the words remain distinctively polar, descriptive and judgmental, the energy behind them does not have to be that. It is in each person's power to change the way communication goes and in the premise of "you will reap what you sow", I believe that human interaction can change along with everything else.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Clean-up Crew

For those who have gone through all the ascension symptoms, have locked into 4D a while ago and find themselves now physically ill during this week's birthing process, I wish to share that there is a possibility that it's not you who is ill. At each birth, there is a mess. It may very well be possible that you are part of the team who is able to transform the no longer suitable frequencies, remnants of the Earth's past and that you have volunteered to be part of a clean-up crew. This shows directly in your physical bodies with flu-like symptoms, respiratory symptoms, ongoing headaches, nausea and extreme fatigue (for when you sleep the job is somewhat easier). Those symptoms do not go away with regular medication, nor with well chosen alternative medical care, nor respond to energetic balancing of your physical body. It is as if it's not even really your "disease" - well, it isn't.

It is the not so glorious tasks that need acknowledged in my opinion. Those of you who have volunteered to be part of the clean-up crew, you will know who you are and perhaps be glad for the confirmation. It's never the healer that chooses the patient, it's the patient that chooses the healer.

One thing that helps with any kind of clean up is humor and of course the company of other cleaners. To know that one can still laugh and that one isn't alone is always a good thing.

Friday, November 12, 2010


I would like to shed some light on the topic of self-love today. The most natural amount of self-love is displayed by infants. They just are - they take care of themselves by communicating their needs with a variety of different cries. They love themselves to the point of allowing that they are being helped by their caregivers unconditionally. This form of self-love soon finds expression in the two year old in forms of temper tantrums, where the "education" begins and the toddlers are being taught gradually that they are not the center of the universe any longer - what ?? !!

It is thus that the journey away from self-love begins for most humans. They have to go through these steps in order to be acceptable members of society - or some such.

I'm sure some parents these days have better ways to preserve the self-love in a child than what has been done to my generation. No matter, the journey is just a different one.

Personally, I've been propelled from that natural state of self-love into the polar opposite of self-loathing within a short decade. Scrambling back out of this place into a mature form of self-love has taken 3 times as long. Truly, the journey from self-loathing to the rediscovery of self-love was much more arduous.
Self-love came back to me ultimately, when I had given space to "teachers" in my life and allowed them to tell me what to do, when to do it and how. I have not had enough self-esteem, let alone any self-love to forbid another adult person to do that to/with me. So I have attracted the very thing that I feared most, oh the very thing that in the beginning has caused the disappearance of self-love. Power.

Oh power is a fickle friend and the most powerful counter agent to power which is being exerted upon oneself is self-love. The question remains on how to find self-love, when not even a trickle of this feeling is detectable inside ? I don't know what works for others, but I have found my own inner girl. She was so shy, so hurt and so small. Her little flame was almost spent. I embarked on "project pink" as I called it at the time and at first wrapped that little girl into a pink fluffy, soft blanket. There I held her in my mind's eye close to my heart and just sat with her and loved her to the best of my abilities. For hours at a time, I would sit there and beam my grown up's love and compassion towards this little girl, with whom I did at first not even identify. The journey took on a life of its own and I just followed what was before me.

Every moment, when I felt my girl despair inside, I would take a time out and beam pink energy, fluffy pink bunnies, blankets, slippers, bathrobes, pink clouds etc at her. I would make sure that she would take her fill and with each "pink-session" I felt my heart growing stronger. It was but a visualization, I am fully aware of it. Yet, it became very real on the level of my innermost sensations. I became stronger and one day, one day the girl and I merged into one and I was able to extend the pink bubble around my grown-up self. I was able to beam love at myself and what's more important, I was able to take it on. I do remember this moment as if it were yesterday. Everything faded away before the immense energy of love that beamed from my own heart and fed every cell, every energy particle of my being. I think that I visualized myself to be an intensely glowing pink globe or egg. It was formidable and the feelings it evoked in me were incredible.

The journey of my life continued and I have since been able to draw on this self-love many more times, mostly in moments where power seemed to come from another and threatened to overwhelm me. Self-love will always have your best interests in mind.

One should make a distinction between self-love and ego-aggrandizement. I think that with some reflection, the difference becomes very clear. Self-love will never put another down in the process, whereas that's the very thing ego-aggrandizement thrives on. It cannot stand on it's own, it always has to put someone else down first. Self-love however will stand on its own and vibrate on from there.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Nourishing the Newborn

The ongoing events of 11/11 and the creation of a new world have resulted in an intense experience in the world of dreams for me and others. I have reason to believe that the words that I have posted on my blog before, namely that critical mass has already been reached, are indeed true. No event where the visualization and intent for a new world of harmony, peace, self-empowerment and authenticity of every single soul is ever in vain. I applaud the efforts of those who call themselves "lightworkers". I bow in full respect to all those who have upheld a vision that may have been utter fantasy a while back. I am happy to be one of those who, with steadfast stubbornness have been able to hold on to that vision of beauty, that is to become our new world.

Yes, the "baby" is born, the critical mass has been reached, the creation of this new world of 4th dimension's vibratory frequency is here. I look outside and find the very same world I saw yesterday, so how can it be true ? Or do I ? ... Do I really find the very same world before my eyes that I looked upon yesterday or can I discern differences? Have I forgotten to look for beauty? Have I neglected to spot the change? I don't know for certain, but the one thing I do know is that my job is to continue to spot every possible change and to cherish it, uphold the change towards harmony and peace by acknowledging and noticing it. This in the valuable effort to nourish the vision, to feed it into manifestation on the physical plane. Not like I've never done this before, I've spent decades trying to spot the beauy, the harmony, the resonance of what I held inside my soul. So far it always has felt as if the world of the 3rd dimension won out over what I call the heart-driven reality. So far, but from today on, I believe I will find it changed. As if the balance has been tipped. I do believe this, hence for me it may even manifest.

It is hard sometimes, to run ahead and declare something  that I have no proof of. Yes, I do feel foolish doing it. I do risk disbelief and people dismissing my notions here, but I also risk being contagious - I do risk that one or the other of my readers will start doing this conscious effort of noticing the changes for "the better", rather than focusing on the "same old".

This is what makes it very easy for me to risk being called a fool. Just one, and one more, and another person who decides to focus on the good, rather than the bad, on the inclusive, rather than the exclusive. This is how the mass consciousness is shaped and formed and each person deciding to focus on this rather than the old stuff that we have grown tired of, makes my journey worth while.  I bow to each and every one of you who makes it their daily habit to focus on the things of the heart. Chloe, the green sprout, the name with which Demeter came to me in my dream last night, will thank you for it with abundance, love, harmony and peace in all your undertakings, as long as they come from a place of authenticity of who you truly are.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

What if ?

In this moment of time, I sit here and try to figure out the energies of today. It seems to be an energy of calm and peace, at least at this moment it is. I wonder if there has to be something out there all the time? What if we just accepted a reprieve from the heavy duty energetic fluctuations that we have experienced over the past decade? Why is it so hard for us humans to relax? At least for me it still is. I am idle. I don't know what comes next. I have things to do around me, but none call out to me to get done, so I don't do them. It is as simple as that. That is a state of luxury, I am aware of it. I also know that many folks are just out there doing their job and plodding along. They have to, whether they want to or not. That is the credo and that is the reality that manifests according to the credo held.

What if, (every now and then, "what if's" are allowed!) it is actually ok to take a time out. What if it is actually necessary to give oneself a time where we don't go against how we feel inside? Isn't that what we would really want? The freedom to do what we feel drawn to or to not do a thing, if nothing draws us? There are a myriad of belief systems about this "onus" thing. I myself have been brought up Swiss style, which means very controlled and authoritarian. It's always been work before play. It's always been drilled into me that in order to "be someone respectable" I have to comply with the demands of society. As I muse about my Swiss upbringing by rather old fashioned parents (they were born around 1920, go figure!) I recall my absolutely favorite thing that I did. Given, I had to get myself out of bed before the rest of the house woke up, but I did this, I got up at 5:30 or earlier even to read. I read at least 12 - 15 books a week when I was about 10 or 12 years old. I took this time, snuck out into the living room with my blanket and pillow just to read on the couch. It was heavenly. There was no noise. I could really focus and I was in my favorite world - fantasy. Nothing mattered at this time, really nothing. It was all good, it was peaceful, happy and undisturbed. I prepared for the cruelty of my school day that way - gearing up for it and I didn't even know until this very moment, that that is what I did. I really got as much peace into my being before braving the onslaught of my bullies at school. Smart kid ! Intuitive kid ! It dawns on me, that I would have broken inside had I not filled my tank before going out !

How did I know to do this ? I didn't consciously know until now, so many years later. Yet, with unfailing accuracy, I did what I really needed to do. I could do this, despite the musts and shoulds of my world. I gave myself enough time to do what I felt drawn to do.

Now, as an adult, I've come full circle and today, I will do again at least during a part of my day, whatever I'm drawn to and if there is nothing I'm drawn to, so be it - then I will do nothing and enjoy that.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Keep that Window open !

The internet allows us to communicate big events. There is one event publicized as (quote copied from their homepage www.newrealitytransmission.com  :

"On 11-11, 2010, one million people across the globe will mentally project a unified vision of a new paradigm for our species... a new reality.  The very real physics that connects human consciousness with molecular structure will be harnessed en masse during the largest scale simultaneous manifestation transmission in recorded history. "

Their idea comes very close to what I have spoken of in past blog posts and I am absolutely happy that I'm not the only one to have this idea. Their idea is to rally and have folks open their hearts, their minds and actively participate in this event. I find this idea wonderful.

Yesterday, in conversation with a friend, we mused whether to partake in this world wide event. It would mean to actively open up our energies and merge with whomever to uphold a vision, to create a vision of a new world - that we have held for decades...that has been in our blueprint for nearly half a century. A world that we know could come to manifest itself. We realized this with a small epiphany. It came not to me, but to her, but it resonated within me as if someone had struck a gong. I felt it's tuth and therefore I am taking to writing about it here.

What my friend pointed out was: "It's such a good idea, but people are most likely going to open their window for 11 minutes just to shut it again afterwards." (paraphrased)

What she meant was - the hearts will open, people are going to make this effort. Their hearts will really open, their consciousness will expand through this opening of the heart - for 11 minutes. Then they are going to revert to their state prior to this event and continue on with the creation of the world they have created up until now. We both felt the sadness that accompanied this revelation. Yes, that's how it is, people make an effort, for a short while, their hearts and minds will open. That's just wonderful, but then it will close up again, as it has already in so many other instances.

You may remember a time in your life, where your heart was touched that it opened up wide - it could have been the birth of your child, it could have been the recognition of a loved one, it could have been a rock concert, a night at the Symphony, a breathtaking view from a mountain top - anything really. That unmistaken feeling of a heart opening wide and taking in all that is brings with it the vanishing of the sense of linear time. Everything expands, new horizons open up and incredible power fills your physical frame. Such is the power of opening one's heart. Then, alas, the window that was torn wide open will shut again. It is remarkable, that we can get addicted to so many things and substances here on earth, but we don't seem to want to re-create that rush! - natural, free of charge and potentially everlasting!

The universe will show what is available at such moments. These moments are treasures along the way, beacons of what is to come, of what is possible. Of course one may not wish for that window to close, of course one may wish for it to be open always, but then everyday life takes over again and woosh, you're back in the groove of "same old, same old". (myself included).

The question remains - why don't we strive for keeping this window open after the rush of the opening moment? Why don't we, after we have experienced this rush, intend with all our might that THIS is what it's all about ? What could be better than achieving a state of authenticity, where that window remains open, all the time ? For me, there's nothing better - nothing higher to achieve but the maintaining of an open heart and thus the ongoing creation of a better world.

Monday, November 8, 2010


Dramas unfold every day anew. Dramas get played out in our lives, on the silver screen and on TV. Turn your head, let it swipe across the landscape of your life and what do you see? - I bet a whole lot of drama. If I look into my past (not even too distant), there is a whole lot of drama. Way back in my youth, drama was the only way I could even feel myself to be alive. Drama had a very specific purpose for me. It allowed me to intensify every situation to the outermost point of extremity. In that, my life became instantly quite wild, quite special - dramatic. I'm pleading "guilty" for creating this intensity starting with my very first breath, as I was whisked away from my mom who went straight into surgery and it wasn't until hours later that I was finally put into her arms to then nurse and take in the after effects of her anaesthesia. The gift for and tendency towards drama came to me straight from my personality (Enneagram type 4). If I wasn't so entirely shy and afraid of people, I would have made a great actress, but alas, the stage is not where it's at for me. This meant that although I had the gift of acting out, I had no outlet other than real life. I apologize here for all the drama that I have caused in other peoples' lives, just out of sheer necessity to let my personality play and to feel alive.

I have since my earlier years made great steps towards cutting drama out, where it isn't strictly necessary (is it ever necessary?). I am still drawn into drama occasionally, but I manage at least to notice when that happens and remove myself from it again. My greatest teacher for this process has actually been my daughter, who by the way is drawn to the stage like a moth to the light. She too came with personality type 4 to mirror me every second of every day, until I would become clear enough and authentic enough, bring in the higher self more and more to fulfill the other desire of this personality type which is "being special, being individual". I used to want to create this sense of individuality, and being special by the very dramas that I created in my life. Oh, I was special, I was especially tiresome to most of my friends and am puzzled still, at how much love they showed for me that they didn't dump me like a hot potato - truly I must have been the royal pain....you know where. (oops - drama !)

After this confession and "ownage", let's move on to the point where I tell of how I managed to eliminate drama from my life. Well, I can't say it was really my own doing. As with every spoiled child, figure out the currency and withdraw that and the behavior will change. My very best friend did that deed for me. She simply stopped interacting with me. From one moment to the next, she had had enough of me, of my falseness that played out in my dramas, which I kept dumping on her, in the hopes of getting sympathy, the feeling of being special and more, in the hopes that if I was miserable enough, I would never lose my friend, for she'd feel sorry for me. Well, that went sour real fast! - She stopped feeling sorry for me, she realized that I needed a dose of heavy duty tough love and that's what she gave me. I suffered, I kicked and screamed, I cried and didn't comprehend a thing. After being dramatic long enough with this, I had tired and gave up. I simply just relaxed and gave up. At that point, I gave up not only (potentially) her friendship, I gave up the need to be special, the need to do drama, I stripped myself of all the false beliefs that I had built up so carefully, I stripped myself of the little "I" that was but a mask, a farce. I had been "seen" by my best friend and she wasn't going to settle for the little "me" - I have no idea what she wanted, if she was conscious of her move, or whether it was entirely intuitive - we never really discussed this, it isn't necessary. Bottom line is, I gave up drama. Drama wasn't worth losing my friendship over, and I didn't know if my friend was going to ever talk with me again. I really didn't know.

Anyways, I faced myself, possibly for the very first time consciously and what I saw was not really pretty. The long and lasting trails of my dramatic life passed before my inner eye as the memories would not stop. I had to own each and every drama as my creation. I had to allow that it was MINE. Nothing was done to me because I was a victim - it was my creation and I had to buckle under and take responsibility for each and every little thing. There is actually a place when you run out of tears and believe me, it's a good place to be. That very sobering place when all the masks are being pulled away, when you're stripped of all pretense. Oh, it's possibly the most vulnerable place ever, yet there is strength. There is the light of the higher self, waiting to take on the show from here on out. There is the glory of the earthly gift of humor. It set in at the outermost point, when the shame and grief, the guilt and the remorse had hit it's ultimate extreme point (for me). And I began laughing. I laughed so hard, about all the silly drama that I had caused, created, initiated, fell into, had perpetuated ...etc. I saw the silliness of it all from one moment to the next.

You could think that at that point I was cured of drama and would never do it again. Far from it. As a lifelong drama addict, I was pulled into drama the very next chance. Had to pull myself out of it again. It took days, weeks even, before I could realize quicker and quicker what it felt like being in the drama place, before I could struggle myself out of it. I found that laughing out loud at the moment of recognition helped a lot. I became my own greatest joke! It's been a few years now and still there are drama moments that I get drawn into, but they are less and less. I am not sure, with my personality, that I will ever be free from drama, but hey, I'm quite proud of myself for this achievement, for drama clouds your authenticity. Drama isn't real authentic emotion. Drama is always artificial. Drama is a cover-up for emotional cowards like myself, who feel too vulnerable to feel the real raw emotion. Drama has been my friend for many years. It has been my protector, my shield, my mask. I bow to drama for it's role in my life. I bow to my friend who made me a better (almost) drama free person.

I am open to dialogue about drama.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Nothing but a Dreamer

As I am trying to get a sense for today's energies, I'm pulled back into a dream I had last night. I don't want to talk about what I dreamed about in particular, but the stuff dreams are made of in general. Sometimes, there are dreams that are clearly just a "dump memory" function of the brain. Those are mainly the kind you dream of the stuff you experienced the days before the dream. They are in line with the physical reality.

More often, dreams are the memories of what you were doing while your body slept. In those dreams, we are all aware of other worlds, of different scenarios, of events that have seemingly nothing to do with our every day life. In dreams, we transcend time and space easily. In dreams, we are free to do really whacky stuff, like fly or steer a space ship. I've had fun doing that some nights ago. There are also prophetic dreams that give you insight into what is planned, or what is potentially to occur in your life or in the lives of others. To discern which kind of dream each dream is, is probably the greater difficulty. Personally, I can sense what each dream is, but I am hard pressed at how to explain how I can sense this. It is just an inner knowing that I have come to trust and that has confirmed itself to be accurate more often than not. In my opinion, dream interpretation is a gift, I've not yet heard of anyone really being able to learn it, but more often of people having the talent for it. (Oracles of old were born to be oracles, not made that way - training consisted of learning to discern).

Sometimes, in our dreams we catch glimpses of other people. People we have forgotten about, who were influential in our lives perhaps even half a life time ago. These people, whom we have spent some time with on the earthly plane, whom we have perhaps lost contact with subsequently, these people are as much part of our lives today, as they were back then. This brings a whole new twist into the experience of loss and the associated grief that we felt then, or are feeling still. Dreams like that show us the incredible timelessness of the realms beyond the veil and the interconnectedness of everyone. They show us the correctness of events in the physical plane from the past and they show us that we can indeed renegotiate decisions that were once made.

I am going out even further in my experience of dreaming. I have experienced scenarios that were somewhat different from my memory of how I remembered that things had come to pass. In my dreams I see that the same situation, say a parting from a loved one or the greater loss associated with my decision to emigrate from my homeland, has in fact different decision making processes with different decisions and outcomes. In my dreams I experience that a decision is never a wrong decision, nor is it the only decision which will barre one from experiencing the "or" after one has decided for the "either". In my dreams (be they waking or while the body sleeps) I can easily access both realities, both decisions and follow the experiences my spark has made on either path. I have come to learn that my decisions are never really decisive or dividing. A decision just points towards the lane down which I send my conscious self. The other lanes are still being experienced and can be recalled. I would call them "side kicks". Nevertheless, they do exist as separately created energetic realities and they are valid.  (energy never gets lost)

Through this experience, I have found a way to see through the illusions of a decision and the following consequences. I have found that no experience ever gets lost and that we experience it all. Emotions like grief can be overwhelming and I believe one should feel them some time in their lives, however it becomes increasingly difficult to stay in the emotional states, once one realizes the fact that the drama of the decision resulting in a loss on one hand and a gain on the other, is but that - just drama.

Nothing is real - Strawberry Fields Forever ......
(Following the laws of polarity, if nothing is real, everything is real ...)

Saturday, November 6, 2010


So here I sit once again, empty headed and I have no clue how I can describe how I feel. There is a deep sense of destabilization. The things that worked up until now and got me kind of in alignment with other people aren't working anymore. I have no idea if they will begin working again later, or if a huge shift on my part is necessary for me to be a functioning member of society. I really just don't know.

I let the feeling of not knowing be just that. Perhaps I do not need to know. Perhaps it's ok to be "out of whack" and perhaps even, the feeling of "out of whack" is not out of whack at all, but in line with how the energies are going to be in a while. Hopefully, it's in a day or two max ! I have these dreams of how things would flow if we all were in the same energy frequency. But these visions somehow seem rather far fetched, not real at all. In this latest "pull back" of the energetic tides, I feel the world dipped deeply back into the frequencies of 3D and I just can't follow. Most dangerous when in traffic, for cars or pedestrians appear seemingly out of nowhere and are crossing my path! In the last few days,  I have avoided 3 accidents but only by a hair and I don't believe it's because I wasn't paying attention ! Residing in 4D alone and dealing with the world dipping so far back into 3D is really stressful for me. I don't mean to put any judgment on it. I see the necessity of this pulling back of the tide. I even sense that it is perfectly in line with how things need to be right now. This all doesn't help much whilst I struggle to get through my day though.

I kind of understand the need of those pioneers in the past who sought solitude, a life of silence or yeah, even 40 years in the desert ...there are many examples and I can resonate with each and every one of them. I feel like curling up into a ball and letting the day go by without it affecting me at all. Not that easy, even though it is the weekend. I'm sure there are those of you who feel things in a similar way, where every word you say, comes out the wrong way, or feels wrong the moment it leaves your lips. I do believe that in the past I have fluctuated along with the tides and I wonder why this seems entirely impossible at this point in time. Should not everything become possible ? Perhaps it is my utmost stretch into higher frequencies that feel so good my own barrier of why I can't dip back into 3D. I write this post today, because I cannot believe that I'm the only one who feels this sense of disconnection, whereby being fully aware that all is one. It is really quite peculiar and I'm ready to just live through it in trust that the tide will prepare for a mighty push in just a few days.

Should have trained on roller-coasters more as a kid I guess !

Friday, November 5, 2010

Your Mission

Through comparing the methods of education here in the public school system in the US, compared with the education my daughters get/got from a Montessori Public Charter School, one thing becomes really clear. The reason why the traditional schooling fails is because the kids are "fed" the fare of what is to be learned cattle style. Not free roaming healthy cattle mind you... I'm sure that you have similar experiences wherever you reside. The problem one could think, lies fully with the school system. I don't see it quite like that. The school system needs adjusting, true, but I believe the problem lies with the level of individual consciousness and ability to be responsible for oneself. The problem lies in being dormant and accepting that system as it is, without changing one's own experience for oneself.

I am not a very political person. I have always withdrawn from great demonstrations against something or other, even if the activism sounds justified. I always have left those kinds of protesting things to those who felt drawn to it. That's the key point - some feel drawn to do certain things. Some don't feel drawn to those things, they feel drawn to other things.

All those of us who have not had the joy of a Montessori based education, are probably very removed from what they are supposed to be doing in their lives. (If you read this and don't agree, then you can possibly count yourself just lucky and one of the few who have found their calling.) We are adults now, way past schooling, or so we thought. However in this adulthood, there is a nice little freedom that we tend to avoid. We are perfectly capable to continue learning. We have the freedom to learn whatever and however we want. We can, with our more adult sense of maturity, decide what structure we want to build around our learning process and when we feel an urge to explore a certain topic, a certain field of information, then, so my belief, we must heed that call and begin learning and exploring what we are driven into or attracted by. Even if there's no money in it! (Mostly there isn't any in it for us at first glance.)

If we decide to become kids again, if we decide to heal the damage the schooling we received has caused in our systems, if we decide to become whole and step into our full power, we have a responsibility. This responsibility is to wake up from the nap that was induced when we went to our school back when, wherever we were. This waking up can begin with a sense of gratitude that we have learned certain things, like reading and writing - we are absolutely fully equipped to take responsibility for any further learning and exploring. We have innate curiosity about things, we have an intuition that guides us to whatever we wish to explore and if you read these words, you certainly have access to the internet and a computer. No more excuses! You have all it takes to go out and learn what you feel you want to learn. The absolute joy that comes from learning what we want to learn is seen in a Montessori classroom. We can make our own world our own Montessori classroom, where we bring in the basics of maths/reading and writing as tools to explore to our hearts' content. Who said that we are too old for learning ? Toss that thought out if it crosses your mind - it's simply not true. Our minds are far from being used to their full capacity: Given the potential of our physical brain, we owe it to our lifetime to at least give it a shot and figure out what we could learn next.

Become like these wonderful Montessori children, that have an innate zest for learning, own their own learning process and are accountable for what they have learned. This will create creativity, joy and continued mental growth and with being in line with your field of interest, I believe that you will be in line with your mission in life much sooner than if you sit in meditative contemplation for hours (thinking of you all sitting in lotus position, I believe your knees will thank you later!).

Stop making excuses, the time is now to embark on a path of joyous curiosity and find what tickles your fancy - allow yourself to explore just that and if one thing leads to the next, follow the thread, for at some point, you will find the area of expertise that you feel most comfortable in - VoilĂ ! There's your mission!

(If you're curious about Montessori education, "google" is your friend - happy researching).