Thursday, August 25, 2011

Assuming Responsibility for Self

I've been pondering about the need for responsibility of self in the new paradigm. Frankly, it seems to me to be a prerequisite for many beautiful things to unfold. Let me try and explain how I view this.

Life and reality is never accidental. It is always a direct reflection of one's inner make-up, be that thoughts, beliefs, ingrained behavioral patterns, genetics and finally contracts that are in place for every incarnation. Thus reality is experienced. Each person has their very unique, own reality. There are overlapping bits of reality of course and then there's the group reality, like how a certain group of people navigate according to common beliefs etc.

It takes a stance of being an unprejudiced observer to see oneself inside the bubble of one's reality. To become that unprejudiced observer, a childlike curiosity and the ability to let things be as they are observed is needed. I've had quite a bit of training through my profession as a homeopath, as there it is vital to be a very unprejudiced observer of my patients' processes. To me it is a natural progression to take what I do in my practice and look at my own experience. I found something that began to make sense a while back.

I have observed that things occurred in my life that could be interpreted as acts of perpetration, which would make me by default a victim of those acts. These things were difficult to experience, but all in all, proved pivotal in my understanding of the workings of my reality and they served their purpose just fine. Anyways, these things that happened "to me" (that is how it was perceived at the time of course) didn't really happen to me by the force of the "perpetrators". They happened in accordance with my innermost beliefs, prepared contracts, my own mindset which is interpreted by the universe as my wishes.

"What?" you might ask here. Yes! I began to see that even something as serious as an assault on my life was nothing other than my deepest wish. I had a wish for dying and leaving this world for a very long time. As a 2.5 yr old, I had been in the hospital as an emergency patient who had swallowed mercury from biting open an old fashioned thermometer and swallowing all of the mercury it contained. I remember a near-death experience back then. I was sent back, it wasn't my time to die and I grudgingly complied - what was I going to do at that young age anyways. Then in my young 20s, I had an awful time trying to get over the untimely death of my mother and I was so very tempted to follow her. I did not, but the temptation was ever present. I grew up from all that desire to leave - or rather, I learned to still loathe my existence, but secretly so. I had stuffed my inability to experience true joy and gratitude of being alive deep down into the abyss of my innermost secret compartments and there the patterns were alive but stored away. Well under wraps.

Until that day, when I suffered through an assault situation, which could also have cost my life. It did not and I do remember thinking very clearly how wonderful it would be to just stop fighting and give in. I was ashamed at the time to still feel that way, but couldn't help myself. Another experience was just a year ago, when I was actually granted the choice whether to finally leave this body and go home. I had pneumonia and breathing became increasingly difficult. The stowed away patterns, my love-affair with death, were popping right back into my face. I ended up choosing consciously for the first time in my life, that I actually, genuinely wanted to live. Ever since, the pattern has changed and joy of life is a daily conscious experience.

Upon reflecting on these instances, where death and life were holding the balance in my scales, I realized that each and every experience I have, be it at the hand of a soul's deed or at my own, it is my very own experience. It is unique to my life and myself. It is mine. Since it is mine that way, I can't possibly continue to pass responsibility for it on to someone else (whoever else). I cannot expect that anyone out there would step in and begin taking responsibility for my own experiences. I truly cannot. The logic continues on. If I am solely responsible for the assault on my life, then it is nothing but a reflection of decades of loathing life. Someone  actually had the courage and goodness to try to do me the favor and deliver the experience that I went through. I have deep respect for that soul. I am deeply ashamed and pained to have caused a soul to be in a position to have to act this out with me in order to almost grant me my "wish" of dying. I am with absolute certainty the only one responsible for my experience.

With the exercise of taking responsibility came a tremendous gift. That gift was the realization that if I am responsible and take on that responsibility in all honesty, I become self-empowered in my life, for the choices I can make within me are the navigators of my outward experiences. I can thus step out of the illusion that I am a victim (that there are any victims at all) and drop that cloak of helplessness. I can breathe freely and feel the sovereign nature of my essence.

It follows that by consistently being very aware of my reality, taking responsibility for every single experience, there is no room any longer for judgment. Not even toward myself, for it is as simple an act as changing one's thoughts and beliefs that will deliver a different reality, if the one just experienced seems somehow not that which we are really wanting to experience.

One can access and move onto the upward spiral by going through this pattern sequence:
Observe your experienced reality consicously- take honest responsibility for the experience and own it as your own creation - you will experience the release of victimhood - self-empowerment will follow - new choices lead to a new reality - the new reality, created consciously leads to self-love, joy and gratitude.

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