With a sense of futility, I have spent the last few days, trying to be youthful and get up easily in the morning, to no avail. The lead-like sensations in my head are only subsiding when I lie down to go back to sleep. Well, I'm not quite sure whether I should call it "sleep". Yes, the body is asleep. The mind is however traveling, far - ! Often times there are dreams that give indications on what the heck i'm out there (wherever there is), doing whatever I'm doing. I have a night job, that much seems clear.
There is no sense of urgency when I am going through these very intense periods of nightly work. However, most mornings, there is a sense of accomplishment, yet coupled with a bit of frustration that I can only guess at what it was I was doing and even though I have a fair idea somewhere in the back of my head, I don't think I could explain it in linear fashion. Besides, I'm kookoo enough already without such tales from beyond the veil, where everything goes and limitations are an unknown thing.
One thing I know however and that is that I am not alone doing this kind of nightly jobbing. We're a team, legions of beings actually, all assigned to their specific tasks which are according to their specific talents. Volunteers we are called and it is our greatest joy to participate for participating sake. Recognition for our work is usually not forthcoming on the physical plane. Our groggy heads and leaden morning shuffles alone have to suffice to signal us that we had a hell of a party all night long - a work party that is. This is a moment where I feel it is most important to remember self-love and self-recognition. Pampering is a great way to make up for the strenuous energetic work that goes on relentlessly every night and even if it looks like self-indulgence, make a stubborn decision that it is not. It is important to leave a place where you don't feel at ease with the people there (if you can). It is important to nourish your body with food and fresh water that agrees with it (it's individual and I'm too tired to come up with food lists anyways). It is important to take time out moments of silence, where your mind can detach from the daytime hustle. It is important to allow yourself to feel this way and know that it won't last forever and it IS the one indicator that gives us recognition of our hard, hard work, similar to sore muscles after digging up a garden plot.
Here's to the legions of volunteer souls, currently incarnated, carrying out quiet day jobs of no social impact, as well as their secret nightly escapades ! - You know who you are !