After the intensity of having a distinct urge to complete certain missions, to fulfill contracts that were committed to before entering this incarnation, I find myself a bit in a state of void now that nothing particular seems to be on my plate. In this state of void, I have the definite sensation of unrest. There is not that wonderful satisfaction that "following one's path" brings. There is no comfort in the knowledge that everything is being done and laid out by the helpers beyond the veil to facilitate the learning process. Instead, everything goes. I can choose. The experience of absolute free will choice, without having to follow a pre-set lesson plan is one that nearly robs me of peace - not quite though.
I see a number of issues that are most likely linked to being in a human body. Ego most definitely has a bit of a hard time dealing with that much freedom. It likes structure. One should think that freedom is something to strive for, but ultimately, absolute freedom carries a consequence. This is the equal amount of responsibility that I take on for the amount of freedom I have. It is quite a human reaction to be a bit shell shocked at first and paralyzed in my ability to act in the physical world. I turned into a bit of a sloth and for a while have enjoyed that state quite a bit. However, being inactive also carries a responsibility (what if I could actually do something ...), it isn't the "way out".
Freedom requires a bit of getting used to. It's a big hat to wear, really, it's possibly one of the more misunderstood notions out there. True freedom is also freedom from automatic assistance. Freedom means that whatever I do, think, don't do or even don't think is part of my personal creation. It is that for anyone, but in the state of true freedom, this creation is what it is. There are no excuses of "she has to learn this first". There is no leeway anymore. There are no helpers that jump in and save the day as they have in the past, for it is considered an insult to step in when a soul is perfectly able to do it herself. (whatever it is). There are no paths that have been mapped out, there are no contracts to fulfill any longer, there are no specific people to meet for learning experiences. Yet, instead of lying on the beach, sipping my drink with the little umbrella and the slice of pineapple, I feel a bit disgruntled and lack the ability to fully rejoice in that freedom.
There is nothing to do, nothing is sanctioned or forbidden, everything is possible, yet there is no "draw" where to head next. The contrast lies in remembering the first part of my life being full of missions and contracts, one after the other, I did not rest until it was all done. Well, it's done now and I've run out of things that I have to do. I know I will eventually create my own paths on my own (empty?) life map. I will even begin to enjoy myself doing that. It's a new land, a new experience altogether, and I chuckle because I realize I've tried to go about it with the tools that worked earlier. I begin to grin really wide, as I start to see that to travel on uncharted territory, I need to trust myself above all and stop trying to live as if the map had already defined roads on it that I am to follow. The map will draw itself according to how I decide to experience my life.