This morning, I awoke with grand ideas. I had it all mapped out. I knew what I was going to talk about on my blog. It was so clear and stood in the room, I could almost touch it. I was anxious to turn on my computer and start putting words to it. Alas, after 3 tries I had to give up. On the third try, I had written 3 paragraphs, tediously, it wasn't flowing at all, then my keyboard fell down and all windows disappeared and with it my 3 paragraphs. "3 strikes", I thought and decided to call it for the moment. I put my focus and energy to other things. Things that I'm not so fond of doing, like grocery shopping, or changing the sheets on the beds, let's not even talk about the loads of laundry waiting to be folded and put away. I can always come up with yet another thing that could help procrastinate these little chores.The day unfolded quite nicely, shopping wasn't as bad an energy drain as it usually is. Perhaps the fact that I simply loved the people I was pushing my cart towards, or acknowledged the clerk's anger and frustration as part of me with a wave of unconditional love helped in not having to spend my energy separating myself from "them". I smiled a lot in the store today.
Later on, I had tackled the bedsheets and called it my mediation. (There is something about clean sheets, I tell you!) I was pondering what to speak of today and finally the picture became very clear. For years I had wondered about certain talents, that I knew I had, but had no clue as to how to be whole with them intact and useful. There was simply no space to apply some of the things I'm able to do - or so I thought. I have wondered for many years what was to become of me, what I was going to be and how I could best fulfill my mission here on Earth. Over time I have let go of the need to know more and more until I came to the point of being challenged to integrate each and every little talent that I knew I had. It was high time that I followed what was before me and integrated these bits and pieces to put the puzzle of "me" into place to see the whole picture emerge.
Had I not had this experience lately, that I had embraced myself, my talents, my "powers", all my bits and pieces, nice and not so nice? I saw that that conscious integration has a very distinct effect on my everyday experience. Without pushing any of my talents, by just accepting that "this talent" is part of me, I've made the experience that I am now being asked if I know someone with this specific talent. All I can do is tell them: "I am fully capable of doing what you ask for." It felt so wonderful, that this talent that I have, but never "marketed", for it is not really a marketable talent, was all of a sudden desired, requested and accepted. Another little detail I had noticed is my ability to receive is growing too and it looks like this ability to receive goes right along with the exercise of embracing everything, of receiving everything (good or bad) into my heart.
As I have embraced my talents, my essence, my being more and more, as I love the totality of me, including the very angry clerk today, I see that my experience of my reality is adjusting, quietly, almost sneakily, but very efficiently nonetheless. All I had to do is meditate while changing the sheets, so that I could notice the change.