Saturday, June 18, 2011

Muddy Waters

In my dream last night, I was standing before an old crone, a sacred Wise One. I had prior to that searched through my attic for some pair of boots that could be used for something particular. Although I don't keep boots in my attic, I couldn't help noticing while I dreamed that there was a lot less stuff in that attic space, that I had let go of many things that weren't mine. I was pleased to notice this and stood then before that crone. I had only one question for her: "After having worked through everything, after having dealt with all the baggage, how can we expect to continue relating to our "opponents" of old, after having seen so much muddy water flowing under the bridge?" The crone smiled and said: "When it is all forgiven, it becomes nil."


I do not know how to wipe memories. I do not know how to continue engaging freely with a person, even if a slate has been wiped clean. I do not know if there is even such a thing as a clean slate. I know however, that in order to not perceive muddy waters that have flown under the bridge, forgiveness has to be complete and everlasting, eternal so to speak. I think as always, when things are not easy to comprehend, when the initial drive is to push something far from me, I fare way better at understanding, when I give in and integrate, when I decide to embrace and draw the very thing towards my heart, rather than pushing it away. Can I truly love myself with the memories of those muddy waters? Can I truly be free of the impact they had? - I trust that in bringing everything in, I will stand a greater chance of finding out, other than when I engage in the opposite behavior of trying to get rid of them. After all, the memories, the experiences of old, aren't they just the stepping stones that made me who I am today?

To all those muddy waters of the past, I am but clay to you, I celebrate your existence and thank you for how you have shaped and formed me on my journey here on Earth.

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