For a long time, the drive for understanding and thirst for knowledge have been the base of my journey. The search for the light that I knew I was from the moment I had cognitive abilities of a "self" has not been elusive, it has been there all along, but I just wanted to understand it all. I had thus embarked on extremely creative mental constructs in order to explore it all in detail. It is quite funny when I look back and see what all I did, what mental acrobatics I performed in order to grasp things that are not really graspable with this brain of ours. I chuckle and compassionately yield. I yield with the wisdom of the traveler who has "been there and done that". I understand that certain things are inexplicable in this world's language patterns. Anyone who has tried will grin and have a story to tell, how they have given forfeit. It is simply not conveyable what I experience as "Divine Truth". I don't mean to embark on a trail of further mental gymnastics. I don't mean to tread on the beaten path of Love and Light, that for some has become just lip service oh so similar to the tried and true ways of the old religions' structure and paradigm. .
The dilemma I am facing is that the experience of the Divine Truths is a very personal thing. Nobody can really describe it in detail or with accuracy. I have tried to do this with trusted friends and found myself stammering, uttering peculiar nonsense and finally giving up with a joyous laugh at my clumsy attempts. In this experience of giving up lies a key however. I experience it as a surrender to the unspeakable, the Nameless. In this surrender lies a sweetness that has a beauty of its own. In this sweetness, I experience among other things trust, receiving, falling into the flow of the One ever more completely. I see that in this surrender lies the acknowledgment that there are parts of me that are inexplicable in this limiting paradigm of duality. In this surrender lies the acceptance of all these parts and that fills me with a sense of peace that is again indescribable. I may still write of things, as I see them. I may still attempt to bring as much of what I call Divinity into this realm, for by doing this, I do what I set out to do before coming here. However, I do so now with greater ease and joy than before, as I understand that my words are just descriptions, just a verbal painting, a piece of art that cannot be judged in its essence. Peace be!