Thursday, December 16, 2010

Beautiful, Inside and Out

I’ve been writing about mirrors, about how the reality we experience is but a reflection of what is inside of us. I have used this metaphor widely as a tool to discover and clean up the not so beautiful bits inside. I would like to create some balance in this area and it dawned on me (duh) that a mirror will reflect everything, the “bad” as well as the “good”.  With my talent to notice what needs fixed anywhere I focus, I have hardly given notice to the “good” – some do so, but there is a potential to go overboard and then it becomes “bad” again. The art of noticing the good and integrating the good into our belief system and still stay humble is a rather tricky one.
At least for me.

At times, I have tempered my tendencies for ego aggrandizement by ignoring these positive things. I’m aware that that cannot be the true way to reach balance, so I’m willing to dabble a bit in this little issue. It’s after all a sunny day here and it’s time to shine. I feel this need to shine my light, I feel this overwhelming sense of “this is right” when I do. I feel that there is also that potential club hanging overhead, ready to come down if I overstep my self-imposed bounds.

Over the years I have looked into my mirrors so many times. I have looked and searched for all the bits and pieces that needed released, cleansed etc. I have even seen glimpses of beauty. Yes, I have! However, to embrace those as mine has been difficult at best.  In all reality, there should be many more bits of “beauty” in my mirrors and I do see them, but for some reason, I don’t integrate them into my being as easily as I embrace the not so beautiful bits. I am aware that this may yet be a longer process. It’s almost easier to say “I am that too” to embrace all the potential “nasties”, for it gives me that sense of: “OK, I’ve owned my bit – I’ve taken responsibility for my potential “bad” bits.” That’s a sense of conscientiousness that works well for me. I look into this mirror of mine and see beauty – truly … there are people who came into my life who are so incredibly beautiful beings that I gasp. I don’t feel inferior in a sense of power, but I have still a hard time recognizing that these people are showing me just how beautiful a person I am. As I write this openly, I feel that clasping sensation of “OMG don’t say that, that’s so narcissistic!” – However, I let it run today, just to give it a chance.

For years, I’ve had trusted souls who kept telling me this very thing, I have wronged them by not being able to embrace the truth that they have spoken. I feel the need to make it up to them and myself. For all the years where I have held the opinion of myself that I’m not beautiful, I will now step into the place where I let the messages of my mirror in, be they an admonishment or a compliment – they both can have their space. As I do this, I feel something shift inside. Gently making space to allow a greater sense of balance within. There is nothing I have to do or say beyond: I am a beautiful being – inside and out and it’s ok to focus on beauty once in a while (or more often).

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