In my true nature, I am a very peaceful being. This may sound odd to some who know me to be more "warrior-like". Well, I have both sides. However, when I feel low on energy, then I truly crave that peace and quiet time. It's not always forthcoming, but lately, I've been always seeking it. I do know that the more peaceful I get inside, the more peaceful I can experience my outside world. There is conflict still out there, but I have managed to stay non-committed to it lately. This means that for my little world, I have found a common denominator that keeps conflict alive and since I don't really want conflict to be in my life, I've searched for this one thing that doesn't allow a conflict to die down. I am of course not entirely certain, but at this point of my development, I've come to the decision that having to be "right" is a big factor in ongoing situations of conflict. It's the fuel to keep the drama going.
I would like to investigate this peculiar thing - having to be right.... Since I've got a good dose of it myself, I don't have to go far to take a look....
In my experience, having to be right has a purpose. That purpose is for me to feel validated. If I need to do or say something to feel validated, that only means that I don't validate myself enough on the inside, that I do not sense that I am validated properly, or not enough times or not strongly enough. By making my stand, by being right, by insisting that my way "is the way", I attempt to fill that little hole inside of myself.
Next to the validation bit, I can identify a small part of me that is afraid. It's a little coward thing that needs to make itself big by claiming to be right. OK, I do get that mechanism. It's an old one, I see why it's here, but I also see that I may not really need it any longer. I play around with this little part of me. I ask it whether it really needs to be here still, or if it's just still here because it's been there for a long while and sort of has carved out it's little comfy spot? The cowardly part that has to deny another's viewpoint, that has to proclaim that it's own viewpoint is the "right" one is only afraid to end up devalued. It is that little part that has a program running that says: "don't make a ripple in the fabric of your environment with your words, for you will be ridiculed for it". It also says: "if you do make a ripple with your words, make sure you're right, as to outsmart all others and thus possibly avoid ridicule (or worse)." Of course, as it is experienced in true polarity, if you're right, everyone else is wrong - or are they?
There it is, I've identified the survival mechanism of my little coward bit. The question is, is that little coward experiencing these things because they are a real threat from the outside, or is it but the trained reaction from a survival type situation from decades past? I do think it is the latter. Therefore, I suggest that my little coward bit re-evaluate the need for drastic "puff-up" events and proclamations to be "right". I ask it, whether it would be simply ok with accepting that it may be right, or it may not be - or it may be right in it's own way, alongside everyone else who's right in their own way. That last thing resonates nicely and it is quite OK. As so often in the past, I feel a shift, the burden, this little coward has carried for so long to ensure my safety, is softly, peacefully and quietly slipping away. It is no longer needed. I have the sense of being valued, validated within me. I do not require it as a confirmation for who I am from the outside world.
I see the little coward bit waving good bye - it isn't necessary any longer to stick around. The concepts I have explained above have been mentally understood for almost an eternity it seems. As I bid this little part a gentle, heart felt farewell, I thank it for keeping me safe and validated, even if it caused conflicts at times. It has served me well and I am grateful for having made its acquaintance, having learned and now step out into my world without yet another crutch. Such is the beauty of letting go.