Tuesday, December 28, 2010


There was a moment in my awareness process, where everything seemed to come to a screeching halt. The conversations and guidance I had experienced up until then weren't there anymore. My pleas that grew ever stronger as the days passed by were met by silence. I tried to reach out and connect with the helpers I had so far depended on for so long. They were the most stable, structured and reliable players in my life's drama and my mind just refused to believe that they could have left me. Yet, it did appear that they had, very much so. I was all alone.

The realization of this state hit home with a profound sensation of grief. So profound, that I ended up shaking with the experience, sobbing as if I had just been cut off from everything that meant something to me. (I do have a tendency towards dramatic expression...) I decided that it was just an interim state of "testing" that I had been dumped into. I decided that they would all return and things would be as they had before. I embraced every moment of every subsequent day with that idea that it was temporary and they were going to come back. Alas, I was left stranded. Left to my own demise and I felt utterly helpless. I felt overwhelmed that I would have been cut off  from my life-line. I admit, there was a huge amount of self-pity involved at that time.

After quite a few days, weeks perhaps, I don't recall precisely, the epiphany had hit me all of a sudden. I was in this state of utter disconnect with my friends beyond the veil, because somehow, I had evolved spiritually to this place where there was no need for guidance any longer. Or if there was need for guidance, it would not come from the previous sources. The one thing I knew was: "I wouldn't be in this state, if I hadn't got the tools and ability to cope with it." That was for a long while my only point of solace.

There was nothing I could do, really, I tried and tried. I had reached out and spread my awareness to all the farthest reaches that were familiar to me and beyond. All without any results of contact. There was literally nobody out there, other than the echoes of my own thoughts, which left me in a state of utter vulnerability and as I perceived it, weakness. The rug had literally been pulled out from under my feet.

As time passed I realized one day that "masters" didn't need the guidance like i had enjoyed all these decades. It occurred to me that I may be in this place of aloneness, because it was deemed that I could manage on my own. At this revelation, the fireworks went off in my head. A celestial party began, as if they had all been waiting for me to come to this revelation and accept the honors. All my friends were there, I could see them, I could feel them and most of all, I could hear them. They were cheering me on and celebrating my first, wobbly step across the threshold into self-mastery. I had earned mastery over myself in this lifetime and it was deemed that I could from here on out decide for myself where my next steps would lead me. I could go the rest of my journey alone. My friends have returned, but are somewhat more removed than before, they are not waiting solely to assist me, but are available should I really get into a place where a good conversation would bring clarity to a situation. The relationship has most definitely changed into one of equals.

With this revelation of self-mastery came the clear and full understanding that absolutely no authority was to be given to anyone outside my own higher self. It simply was not fitting to my new station in the spiritual hierarchy. I have taken this gem, this bit of knowledge, and have lived by its wisdom ever since.

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