It was but a natural occurrence for me when an opportunity to invest some money came my way, after all, this topic has interested me for quite a while now and since the monetary flow is nice and strong, fluid, but almost solely in the direction of "outward bound", I feel the universe is still presenting me with some learning. Anyways, I took the opportunity as it was presented, rather spontaneously and went against every ounce of my being by investing some money, that I might well loose altogether. The invested amount wasn't that big really, so in the greater scheme of things, win or loose it won't matter. So that wasn't the issue.
All day long, I felt a nagging fear in my gut. I couldn't quite explain it. After all, I had lost more money back in the stock market crash of October 1987 than I ever care to lose, a lesson which taught me to fully abdictate from greed or greedy thoughts, along with being a full cure of the fear of losing money. True, I'm a horrible gambler, numbers confuse me daily (how did I ever get through maths?) and I really have no business investing the money I've planned to spend on more basic things like food... or the eventual unforeseen expense like maintenance for my solar water heater or something of the sort.
Anyways, at the click of the mouse button, I've committed to this investment and for better or worse I'm in it. In the world of investors. It energetically pulled me into the vibe this whole thing carries. Needless to say, it isn't a very pleasant vibe. Actually, it's that unpleasant that I don't even want to feel it, less still be part of it. It wasn't greed that got me to click "yes". That much I know. It was curiosity, a "why not go with the flow" sort of feeling. Still, feeling this vibe and the nagging fear in my gut, that was taxing. But then I thought, ok, this is as part of the human experience as anything else I've experienced so far and I faced that sensation in my Solar Plexus, bid it to show itself and it did.
The very thing that I've sporadically been accused of (needless to say, that accusation bewildered me more than make me angry, but it always triggered a reaction in me) stared me in the face. I was fearing to be greedy, to become greedy.
I admit, in my head at some point there were schemes of what to do with taxes, should this investment really pan out, but I've found my heart when I came to but one possible generous point of, it's all a gift, so it's ok to give whatever taxes are due with a heart filled with joy. That propelled me straight into my heart space and from there, I was able to embrace, that today's lesson is not only one about monetary abundance, but also one about becoming fully human, something I've struggled with as you might have read in past posts. Yes, as a human being, I am not beyond the idea of greed, nor selfishness when it comes to money. That doesn't mean I have to really express money matters that way, but I do have to fully embrace this potential, for it is part of being human, and apparently, human I am.
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