Wednesday, January 12, 2011

What a Ride!

The journey towards ever greater awareness has brought me from the teenage perspective of a self-indulging sort of "Me" to a perspective, where "Me" almost does not exist. I say almost because the awareness I hold today isn't static, nor is it firm. It's a fluid sort of thing, where the limited, human, physical, ego-centered "I" and "Me" pop up every now and then and then the focus of consciousness shifts into the greater "I" and "Me", what I would call the Higher Self, but feel that it isn't even just that. There's more, ever more and the mind has a hard time expressing, sorting, making sense of it. Language, I find, is failing me greatly, but I will keep on trying to express it best I can.

In the greater sense of "I", I do not only hold awareness of my immediate situation, my physical body, my daily chores and all that jazz, but also feel, either sort of in the background, or sometimes more pronounced in the forefront that sense of vastness that goes beyond identification.  Depending on what I focus on, I have a full sense of being the "field" of consciousness (not just being in it) that an activity seems to be linked to. If it is something that is highly emotionally charged, I will mercilessly feel the myriad of others who have emotions like fear, greed, selfishness, cut-throat "me first" sensations etc. If I focus on a different "topic", say peace and joyful play for instance, I will sense and be part of those who are residing in that plane of consciousness, even though in reality I am part of all of the planes of consciousness and the sparks residing in them all. It is my choice where I focus my attention. I've always known this to be true, but the latest energy shifts have provided me with a whole new understanding of this focusing business. Again, my thoughts are my tools for navigation and my ability to hold focus will determine how long I will reside wherever the focus is held. Nothing is "bad" per se, everything is allowed, it's like choosing which playground to go to, the one with the slide, or the one with the sandbox. Not the same experience in either, one possibly more messy than the other, but ultimately, my choice, my responsibility and thus my experience, even if I experience the whole consciousness field, even if that is one of the 3D consciousness fields, for they exist and will keep on existing, as energy will never cease to exist.

A 3D topic is on my mind these days, I play on a playground I've avoided for a long time. I feel inept playing there, clumsy. I feel every single emotion attached to that playground, whether it's my own or not, as if it were mine and it's taxing at best. As I play here in this 3D playground, I understand, that I could leave this playground at any time, yet the emotional experience in these lower frequencies seem to hook into residual places within my energy system where I "used to" feel that way a lot and it's so familiar to start that old program (mainly fear) up again. I feel like being thrown into a whirlpool and find myself paddling like crazy, yet with an underlying mischievous smirk on my imaginary energetic face, knowing full well,  that it's all a game and "win or lose", it's an experience. A test perhaps, to see if I am going to be pulled under by the familiar draw of the old, or if I can find a place to grab hold of a higher frequency surfboard and ride the wave with the exhilarating sense of joy one finds while playing a wild game. What a ride!

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