Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Body Temple

I find myself challenged by an issue that has been very difficult for me to integrate during my almost half a century in this physical form here. I've been pondering the ways I've taken my physical body for granted. Well, I can even say, I've disregarded its importance and demanded so much of it. It has served me pretty well until this point, despite the lack of respect I have been giving it. The way I'm "wired" is that I always strive to take each lesson bravely head on so to speak, the moment I'm realizing something that needs adjusted. My view of my physical body most definitely needs adjusted. I've got decades of pretty blatant emotional abuse and other kinds of neglect that I have given it to make up for. It's not a pretty memory, that I have felt at the very young age of 2 1/2 years, that by cracking open a thermometer and swallowing the mercury, I could "escape" this prison, as I called it for so many years (secretly to myself and sometimes openly to others).

I have so often marveled at the souls who could inhabit their body and revere them, clothe them in finery, embellish their bodies, make them pretty, feed them good food (well that part I do understand somewhat), nourish their appearance and most of all honor and cherish their physical "temples" in a way that I simply could not understand nor fathom to ever come close to accomplishing myself.

I always demanded of this body that it would not hurt me unduly, heal itself pretty quickly and most of all just do it's job of being a necessary "tool" for a life time of learning and serving. I have a long history of not being able to fully bring my essence into this body and hence run into corners, bang myself black and blue and get irritated at my clumsiness of course. I have always felt I wanted to shed it as soon as I was possibly allowed to do that without letting it and the learning opportunities it facilitates "go to waste".

I must admit that I have been very callous when it comes to this physical body. I have had phases when I have downright expressed hatred for it, was never really happy with it's size and shape, have treated it as if it was an enemy. I most definitely felt it was a less than adequate expression of my essence. This body of mine has suffered at my hand and at my emotional distrust towards the earthly experience. I have regret over my behavior which is quite selfish and immature and feel the need to atone.

I am aware that the "forgiving" years of my life for physical repair are over. Things will still repair, but as the cellular structure ages, I have more and more work to do to maintain this form in "shape". It is high time that I give it more care, better reverence and most of all the love it deserves. It took the time it did, before I could make this realization. Nobody will scold me over my blatant expressions of disrespect for my body-temple but me. I have recognized my errand ways and I will shift gears and embark on the rather strange (for me) journey of becoming friends with this physical expression of mine. For better or worse, I feel it's high time to integrate this bit, before time runs out...

Off I go, I've got some pampering to do ...

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