Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Gift of Letting Go

Have you ever observed young children in their daily activities ? Have you seen how purposeful they march from one thing to the next with absolute confidence in themselves ? Be it that they go from one activity to the next or from one person to the next. I observe Kindergarten age kids how they march from their classroom to the pick up spot. Each one of them has a sense of purpose, they are in the moment of "we are now walking from our classroom to the pick up spot" and that is all they do - there is perhaps some goofing around, there is perhaps some kids dreaming of other things, those are easily picked out, but they are no less purposeful than their peers who are busy walking. It is with that sense of purpose that one is geared from early on to go through life. It is that unshakable trust that what one is doing "right now" is the right thing. Doubt is not part of their script. Doubt is only instilled in them, if they are told one thing and perceive another. Then confusion sets in and with it doubt. Confusion about whom to trust - the tusted adult who tells them one thing or themselves with their own intuition, that tells them another. This is the birthplace of doubt. I have not seen a doubtful young child yet. I have seen doubtful kids who are in school however.

One could however make the point that doubting is a mental faculty, that doubting is the development of the mind, where reasoning sets in and that that be the cause of the beginning of doubtfulness. I have observed school age children who were allowed to be who they are - at home as well as at their Montessori school - Those children are not doubtful. Those children may raise concerns, they may raise issues, they may point out things, but self-doubt is not part of their life script and I believe that those children will in turn raise their children without the self-effacing trait of self-doubt. I am downright ecstatic about the prospect of the evolution of mankind into a more purposeful stance, where self-doubt is replaced by awareness and consciousness of one's true blueprint in life.

If I advocate purposeful living, in line with one's true life purpose, then I have to adjust some things within myself. I have to be prepared to let go any expectation of anyone - I have to let go of any preconceived idea of what another person is meant to be or do in their life time. I have to allow and step aside. This is a rather humbling process, but the only one I can see that honors another's true purpose. I have to ask myself: "Who are you to decide anything for anyone else when it comes to their mission in life ?" Only when we come to this place of non-attachment to any outcome, when expectations in other people ceases to put parameters on relationships, only then can we call ourselves aligned and free - even whilst being in relationships with everyone around us, and ultimately with everyone - period.

In my life I have often put my life's purpose before any other person, before any other interest, professional development, career, family even. I have picked up my things and left from one day to the next, moved halfway across the world to settle where I knew I had to be for the next phase in my life. I just did this. I didn't ask anyone for permission - I didn't hesitate to leave behind family and very dear friends. I am sure that with this seemingly self-absorbed behavior, I have hurt people. Through my actions, which were in line with my life's mission, I have lost some friends - I have alienated some family members and I have gained the true friends that were already part of my group of friends, but showed themselves to be in that place of absolute acceptance, if not understanding for my journey. They have shown me how it's done on the "other end". They are continuning to be my friends, they are continuing to be supportive and every encounter remains positive. Such is the power of love and letting go - letting others be who they need to be, because their blueprint in life demands it of them.

I have recently had to say good bye to a friend who followed her path to a different place. It wasn't easy, it was painful, yet having been given the gift of being allowed to walk my path, it was not fathomable for me to not pass this gift on to the next friend. In the sense and knowledge that letting go is the only way to perpetuate the love that binds the friendship, I have indeed found myself happy that my dear friend is now where her life's journey has carried her. Do I miss her?  - absolutely! Do I know that my gift of letting her do her thing is going to support her next phase in life ? - absolutely! Am I thus helping another person be who they truly are and need to be ? - absolutely !

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