Friday, October 15, 2010

Past, Present and Future

I'm sitting here, trying to bring my thoughts into the written form. I have a pressing topic, based on developments at my daughter's school, but as I erase that which I had already written, I am realizing, that my personal "agenda" has just no place in today's blog - another day perhaps. I will write about it, when it draws me again and the words will flow. Meanwhile I sit here wondering what else will be the topic for today. As you know, I'm writing random things, without agenda, without a plan, trusting fully in the Universe, that what I write is exactly what needs to be written today.

Such is staying in the moment - doing what's right before me in full alignment of who I truly am, in alignment with my universal (higher) self. Before I can speak of how it feels to be in alignment, in the moment, I can possibly speak easier about how it feels when I am not in alignment, not in the moment. The second, i try to do my lower self's agenda, propose to the readers of this blog that I actually know what to write, I am moving away from the alignment, the automatic greater knowledge and all I would write about is just my opinion. (not that that opinion is necessarily worthless, but nevertheless, it's just an opinion). In my case, where I am fully committed to reside in the heart, reside in the moment and be aligned with my higher self, with my greater purpose in this life time, I am finding that I run into roadblocks every time, I stray from the correct alignment. These "roadblocks" are rather subtle, they are tiny sensations of things just not working out the way I thought they would. These subtle obstacles to the freeflow of being aligned can be described as pebbles in the way of a creek, that make the water flow around them. Nothing major, my life would certainly go on just fine, and I would find back into the greater alignment at a moment's notice. Still the disturbance is there.

Practically it looks like this: When I try to complete something that is born out of the ego, the lower self, things don't flow. They are hard to accomplish, tedious. They feel entirely wrong. It's like sensory alarm bells going off in my system. I have ignored those alarm bells for years. Today, I yield, I pay attention when they sound. I freely admit that "hey, yes, my ego wanted to do this, but it happens not to be in alignment with the greater purpose or plan of my universal self". I even broadcast that moment of ego-centric behavior on this blog ! ...Talk about accountability for my actions !
Anyways, the admission of my egocentric behavior frees the path to a more universe-centered behavior and all is well again, the flow of my waters have ran past that pebble in the creek of my life's flow.

Interestingly, the action of reverting my attention back onto the universal flow brought about the sensation of being fully in the moment. That is the most yielding, most satisfying and most heartfelt place I could dwell in. The past holds a lot for me, some really good moments, some amazing feats and also quite a bit of pain. No need to dwell on that - I take the pleasant memories (isn't that how the brain works anyways) and the bad ones fade with time. The future is filled with anxiety of the unknown. It takes a great amount of energy to be either in the past and endure the memories again and again as it does likewise to dwell in the future where anxiety is but one of the symptoms. (yes, of course, there could be anticipatory excitement and drama and so forth, which are highly desirable to some of us). Anyways, I find that my experience of time is also very different when I am residing in the moment and it has clear health benefits. In the moment, that very moment where you can look at yourself and say: "ok, I am sitting here, typing my blog" (in my case) and everything else is just not there - just not perceivable. This sort of focus makes the perception of time expand to extremes - actually, in my experience, it expands to exactly the time you NEED for the completion of the task you are focused on.

Time is a strange entity, it isn't linear at all - I haven't been experiencing time in a linear fashion at all while sitting in a new moment every moment, come to think of it. I am pretty certain there are scientists out there (quantum physicists?) who would be able to give a scientific explanation. I cannot, I am ok with the empirical one.

The energetic cost of oscillating between the past, the present and the future is enormous. I find it far more fuel efficient to reside and operate from the present moment. I bet that the use of less energy to live my life with, will be a health benefit in the long run. I will accomplish things without expending a lot of energy, almost effortless. I am joyous in the process and all that sounds ominously like wellness to me. 

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