Wednesday, November 10, 2010

What if ?

In this moment of time, I sit here and try to figure out the energies of today. It seems to be an energy of calm and peace, at least at this moment it is. I wonder if there has to be something out there all the time? What if we just accepted a reprieve from the heavy duty energetic fluctuations that we have experienced over the past decade? Why is it so hard for us humans to relax? At least for me it still is. I am idle. I don't know what comes next. I have things to do around me, but none call out to me to get done, so I don't do them. It is as simple as that. That is a state of luxury, I am aware of it. I also know that many folks are just out there doing their job and plodding along. They have to, whether they want to or not. That is the credo and that is the reality that manifests according to the credo held.

What if, (every now and then, "what if's" are allowed!) it is actually ok to take a time out. What if it is actually necessary to give oneself a time where we don't go against how we feel inside? Isn't that what we would really want? The freedom to do what we feel drawn to or to not do a thing, if nothing draws us? There are a myriad of belief systems about this "onus" thing. I myself have been brought up Swiss style, which means very controlled and authoritarian. It's always been work before play. It's always been drilled into me that in order to "be someone respectable" I have to comply with the demands of society. As I muse about my Swiss upbringing by rather old fashioned parents (they were born around 1920, go figure!) I recall my absolutely favorite thing that I did. Given, I had to get myself out of bed before the rest of the house woke up, but I did this, I got up at 5:30 or earlier even to read. I read at least 12 - 15 books a week when I was about 10 or 12 years old. I took this time, snuck out into the living room with my blanket and pillow just to read on the couch. It was heavenly. There was no noise. I could really focus and I was in my favorite world - fantasy. Nothing mattered at this time, really nothing. It was all good, it was peaceful, happy and undisturbed. I prepared for the cruelty of my school day that way - gearing up for it and I didn't even know until this very moment, that that is what I did. I really got as much peace into my being before braving the onslaught of my bullies at school. Smart kid ! Intuitive kid ! It dawns on me, that I would have broken inside had I not filled my tank before going out !

How did I know to do this ? I didn't consciously know until now, so many years later. Yet, with unfailing accuracy, I did what I really needed to do. I could do this, despite the musts and shoulds of my world. I gave myself enough time to do what I felt drawn to do.

Now, as an adult, I've come full circle and today, I will do again at least during a part of my day, whatever I'm drawn to and if there is nothing I'm drawn to, so be it - then I will do nothing and enjoy that.

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