A question seems to be in the air. "What will happen when duality collapses, when we all ascend, when we go back into the fold of the ONE"? (well that's actually 3 questions, but I'll address the last bit of it)
All I have to bring to this question is my current level of understanding and therefore it is but a philosophical discussion that I can openly begin here. Since in this form, I have not experienced the full return into the fold of oneness, I can only speak of the little glimpses I have experienced, the memories I have of other times when I had a form that actually returned into the oneness and I do have the experience of leaving the form and returning to the big, vast, never ending ONE. One thing is unshakable for me. We are energy and energy does never cease to exist. There is hence no fear whatsoever that I would stop existing (or anyone else for that matter). However, energy can change it's form.
I believe that if there is fear of ascension, due to fear of ceasing to exist, we know instantly, that the lower self, the ego, is playing a part in that projection. The ego in and of itself will not cease to exist while we are embodied, but it possibly may lose it's connection to the "package of incarnation" if we leave our bodies behind. Depends on how much lower self is needed to navigate whatever dimension we will end up in. Frankly, I believe that the big hype about "ascension" into the 5th dimension (or whatever number is attributed) is but a very tiny baby step on the ladder that leads back to the One. Not that oneness cannot be experienced, or glimpsed, but to believe that we come from the depth of 3rd dimensional experience and have gone through that huge chain of incarnations to explore each and every thing we set out to do and then end up "home" in one move seems to me to be a bit of a limited view. Of course going "home", back to merging into the pool of One is our goal, so I have no issue in those believing that after this bit of ascension we'll be done. Personally, I think we're far from being done playing the game after we reach the next dimension as a collective.
There is a different aspect of this. (In my belief and current understanding, ) the One sparked itself out to explore itself, to gain knowledge of itself. To experience itself. To believe that we will now return to the One and everything will be as it was before the moment the One decided to go on this quest would simply be but belittling to the One's great Creation. How can we believe that there won't be a difference in how the One perceives itself from before the intent to learn about itself and after all the sparks reintegrate? I can only glean from my own little perspective, that even one month ago, I had less understanding of who I was than I do now and I know that it's by far NOT a full understanding that I hold today. My understanding and perception of what it's like to be cradled in the energy of all that is has changed as well. One thing has remained the same however and I do not know whether that is due to the fact that I still am in physical form. There is the sense of individuality, right next to the sense of oneness, right "on top" of it actually, as the two impressions hold the same energetic place.
If I go by the premise that one cannot unknow, I think that goes for the One as well. As above so below and vice versa. Of course it is mere speculation and my understanding may change as early as the next second, but based on my own excursions into the fold of the One, during a near death experience, during meditation, during escapes from danger, I have always retained my sense of individuality (not attached to the lower self, nor higher self, but my essence, which I believe to be the very spark that the One sent out). I cannot think that we will return into the state the One was in before sending out sparks, I believe that we will return and enrich into the totality of individualized sparks that will never "unknow" their sense of individuality, yet brought together they will be the whole as well, simultaneously and the One will experience itself differently for that.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Our own Creations
OK, so we create our own realities, we're being mindful of our thoughts, most of the time at least. Some do so by stilling the mind and others by focusing on positive thinking and affirmations, some others still just don't focus on anything at all, but live wholesome lives and do quite well with their creations.
The other day, I've created something that I wasn't even aware that it was my creation. I had wanted to be "left alone, be untouched by anyone's thoughts". I had craved quiet solitude after a moment of incredibly deep embarrassment. A place where I could recoil into and gather myself again, where I could focus on who I am and realize again that nothing can really hurt me. I had such an intense desire to be in such a place, that it took but 2-3 seconds and there I was, in that wonderful plane of consciousness, minding my own business. I stayed in there most of the time and only came out "now and then" to interact with people. To be in that place felt really nourishing to me. Soon, the initial reasons why I went there in the first place were no longer an issue, the small shock I had received because I had opened myself up completely, was soon forgotten. Such is life in the physical plane anyways, nothing I hadn't experienced before. After about a week in this place, I found that I had actually trouble emphatically connecting with anyone, even my kids. Oh I could intellectually merge just fine, but emotionally, my vibration was at a different rate than that of anyone else I came in contact with. I learned a great deal during that week. I've seen things that I sort of knew but needed confirmation for. It was a very deep learning experience, yet it had left me bereft of that heart connection. Not that I had no heart energy in my place, but at some point, loving me, myself and I just seemed boring.
For the purpose of furthering my personal understanding I believe, I've found a witness who was able to increase their energy to the same frequency of the plane of consciousness that I was residing in and there was great rejoicing the moment we energetically met there. It became very clear that that plane of consciousness wasn't some place that had already been in existence, it was a place that I had created myself, with my intense desire to "vanish for a while where nobody could reach me". One can argue, whether the creation of such a plane of consciousness is necessary, fun, or even harmful to the fabric of the universe. What I see however is the beauty of my creation and the love that went into it. The honor it was shown when my witness stepped into that frequency and I understood without a doubt that this was no "thing" aside myself. This plane of consciousness was made of the fabric of my own essence. I was the plane and the plane was me. I was in the plane, I was in me. Consciousness and plane were made of the same essence. THIS is what creation is all about. Whether it be a situation in our physical lives, whether it be a smile on my face, whether it be an elaborate new plane of consciousness with all the bells and whistles, it matters very little.
As my witness pointed out so very fittingly: "Every creation is enhanced by the love you give it." Indeed it is so. The love that is shared within a creation or through a creation is one of the most incredible gifts that this world, this dance, this game has to offer. We are playing more and more consciously with the fabric of the universe (the fabric of who WE all truly are) and as we do so, we bring more and more joy to the ONE. Even though I had created that plane of existence for myself initially, I ended up opening it up for all who care to step into that frequency to experience it and thus I have given the ONE yet another way of experiencing itself. What greater joy could there be ? I know of none.
The other day, I've created something that I wasn't even aware that it was my creation. I had wanted to be "left alone, be untouched by anyone's thoughts". I had craved quiet solitude after a moment of incredibly deep embarrassment. A place where I could recoil into and gather myself again, where I could focus on who I am and realize again that nothing can really hurt me. I had such an intense desire to be in such a place, that it took but 2-3 seconds and there I was, in that wonderful plane of consciousness, minding my own business. I stayed in there most of the time and only came out "now and then" to interact with people. To be in that place felt really nourishing to me. Soon, the initial reasons why I went there in the first place were no longer an issue, the small shock I had received because I had opened myself up completely, was soon forgotten. Such is life in the physical plane anyways, nothing I hadn't experienced before. After about a week in this place, I found that I had actually trouble emphatically connecting with anyone, even my kids. Oh I could intellectually merge just fine, but emotionally, my vibration was at a different rate than that of anyone else I came in contact with. I learned a great deal during that week. I've seen things that I sort of knew but needed confirmation for. It was a very deep learning experience, yet it had left me bereft of that heart connection. Not that I had no heart energy in my place, but at some point, loving me, myself and I just seemed boring.
For the purpose of furthering my personal understanding I believe, I've found a witness who was able to increase their energy to the same frequency of the plane of consciousness that I was residing in and there was great rejoicing the moment we energetically met there. It became very clear that that plane of consciousness wasn't some place that had already been in existence, it was a place that I had created myself, with my intense desire to "vanish for a while where nobody could reach me". One can argue, whether the creation of such a plane of consciousness is necessary, fun, or even harmful to the fabric of the universe. What I see however is the beauty of my creation and the love that went into it. The honor it was shown when my witness stepped into that frequency and I understood without a doubt that this was no "thing" aside myself. This plane of consciousness was made of the fabric of my own essence. I was the plane and the plane was me. I was in the plane, I was in me. Consciousness and plane were made of the same essence. THIS is what creation is all about. Whether it be a situation in our physical lives, whether it be a smile on my face, whether it be an elaborate new plane of consciousness with all the bells and whistles, it matters very little.
As my witness pointed out so very fittingly: "Every creation is enhanced by the love you give it." Indeed it is so. The love that is shared within a creation or through a creation is one of the most incredible gifts that this world, this dance, this game has to offer. We are playing more and more consciously with the fabric of the universe (the fabric of who WE all truly are) and as we do so, we bring more and more joy to the ONE. Even though I had created that plane of existence for myself initially, I ended up opening it up for all who care to step into that frequency to experience it and thus I have given the ONE yet another way of experiencing itself. What greater joy could there be ? I know of none.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Witness to Change
Weather is not something that bothers me much anymore. Sure, I don't like the cold seeping into my bones in Winter. I'm possibly happiest in tropical climates, but alas, the place I've been stationed at isn't tropical. It's ok, I really like it here. It's by far warmer than my homeland, which is currently experiencing a "real winter". I am fully aware that predictions or talk about global warming isn't on my plate today. It's not about that. What I experienced today was a sideways connection to a vision I had about 4 or 5 years ago. I say vision, because that was what it was.
At the time I was out camping and fishing on a smaller lake in Oregon, where the trout are still plenty and the sunsets magnificent. The only thing that had bothered me while I had gazed along the lake's shore were the pine trees. There were huge areas of forest eaten up by the pine beetle. I was bothered that the trees weren't green like the rest of them. I was bothered by the sense of destruction. Yet, during my emotional connection to that devastation, this vision came to pass, where I was assured that this destruction was part of a greater picture. I was looking at a very small area of Mother Earth's surface and although it looked large to me, I was assured that the damage was minimal, but really necessary. The beetles were hard at work to help shape a new world. These trees were dying for a reason. I was shown that the climate in this zone would change to a much warmer climate. Not quite tropical, but very close to it. It was a climate that I couldn't place anywhere else for comparison. This may be that I just haven't visited a place with such a climate during my world travels, or that indeed, the climate in Oregon was going to be something completely new. In the vision I saw how the fauna would change to less evergreens and more leafy greens - in fact, there were plants I didn't recognize. The air was filled with a sweet scent uncommon to this state at this time. It was very real to me and I felt a calm ease about the new climate which supported life in a very luscious manner. (not that Oregon isn't doing that already now). There was simply nothing harsh about this climate. So I can best compare it to "tropical, but not quite tropical, i.e. not quite as humid, not quite as hot. There was still a sense of seasonal cycles, but a lot less pronounced than what I am experiencing at present. One imprint was given to me during this vision and it was one of complete peace and abundance.
As for time, well, with visions you usually enter into the eternal now, so time is a very difficult factor. I cannot say if I will live in this body to experience that new climate, but I felt very much at ease since that vision, especially when seeing pine beetle damage in the forests or subsequent wild fires wiping out large forest areas.
I connected to the memory of this vision, whilst opening all doors and windows to my house to let in Spring air - for Spring it seems to be today, regardless of the calendar suggesting that it's still the depth of Winter and we should have lots of rains with the warmth we are experiencing, or if the sun is out, it's normally freezing cold.
Along my journey, I have wondered over and over, will I see the change? Will I really notice? Today, I have to say "yes!" This IS the change I've been waiting for. It's here, its subtle perhaps it's just a "warm year" - but the energies of this unusually warm Winter weather combined with blue skies are so very different than "warm spells" I've seen here in other years. I won't cry if it turns back to be the usual "Winter drag", but I welcome this day, the sunshine, I welcome the change that I see today. I welcome that it's here. I imagine it will toggle back and forth, just like the energy shifts we have been noticing, just like anything that is being born, but truly I rejoice today, for I am indeed witness to change.
At the time I was out camping and fishing on a smaller lake in Oregon, where the trout are still plenty and the sunsets magnificent. The only thing that had bothered me while I had gazed along the lake's shore were the pine trees. There were huge areas of forest eaten up by the pine beetle. I was bothered that the trees weren't green like the rest of them. I was bothered by the sense of destruction. Yet, during my emotional connection to that devastation, this vision came to pass, where I was assured that this destruction was part of a greater picture. I was looking at a very small area of Mother Earth's surface and although it looked large to me, I was assured that the damage was minimal, but really necessary. The beetles were hard at work to help shape a new world. These trees were dying for a reason. I was shown that the climate in this zone would change to a much warmer climate. Not quite tropical, but very close to it. It was a climate that I couldn't place anywhere else for comparison. This may be that I just haven't visited a place with such a climate during my world travels, or that indeed, the climate in Oregon was going to be something completely new. In the vision I saw how the fauna would change to less evergreens and more leafy greens - in fact, there were plants I didn't recognize. The air was filled with a sweet scent uncommon to this state at this time. It was very real to me and I felt a calm ease about the new climate which supported life in a very luscious manner. (not that Oregon isn't doing that already now). There was simply nothing harsh about this climate. So I can best compare it to "tropical, but not quite tropical, i.e. not quite as humid, not quite as hot. There was still a sense of seasonal cycles, but a lot less pronounced than what I am experiencing at present. One imprint was given to me during this vision and it was one of complete peace and abundance.
As for time, well, with visions you usually enter into the eternal now, so time is a very difficult factor. I cannot say if I will live in this body to experience that new climate, but I felt very much at ease since that vision, especially when seeing pine beetle damage in the forests or subsequent wild fires wiping out large forest areas.
I connected to the memory of this vision, whilst opening all doors and windows to my house to let in Spring air - for Spring it seems to be today, regardless of the calendar suggesting that it's still the depth of Winter and we should have lots of rains with the warmth we are experiencing, or if the sun is out, it's normally freezing cold.
Along my journey, I have wondered over and over, will I see the change? Will I really notice? Today, I have to say "yes!" This IS the change I've been waiting for. It's here, its subtle perhaps it's just a "warm year" - but the energies of this unusually warm Winter weather combined with blue skies are so very different than "warm spells" I've seen here in other years. I won't cry if it turns back to be the usual "Winter drag", but I welcome this day, the sunshine, I welcome the change that I see today. I welcome that it's here. I imagine it will toggle back and forth, just like the energy shifts we have been noticing, just like anything that is being born, but truly I rejoice today, for I am indeed witness to change.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Disintegrating and Restructuring
At the dentist today, I was hearing a diagnosis that for many would mean the recommended trip to the periodontist, with subsequent bone graft surgery to "fix" the bone loss that causes one of my teeth to wiggle. I have maintained my teeth rather well and am a stickler for flossing, so it's most likely those blows I had received from my older brother when I was little, or simply a genetic thing that my bone decided to loose it's density and disintegrate.
I am in a healing profession, yet not the standard mainstream one. I help many folks on a daily basis to get well, to mend their bones, to deal with their viruses and their whole constitutional issues. It's easy, it comes natural to me and now I've been presented with one of the greatest tasks ever. Either go the "traditional" route or try to fix myself. I do believe in "mind over matter", so I've already begun weaving the tapestry onto which the bone can find it's structure and grow again. I'm looking at homeopathic remedies and Bach flower applications for the "zone". The indicators of what the topic is that I'm dealing with is clear - Bach Flower zone calls for "Willow" and as I had done the first application, I've had vivid child hood memories and indeed emotions of resentment and bitterness because of them that I had obviously held in that zone, to the point of self-destruction.
I've also faced yet another little thing - I've actually asked for help - 2 trusted sources already and a 3rd is planned. Me, asking for help ?? well, yes, that apparently was on my menu today as well.
In it all, I can't help but see it as a chance to move from the old paradigm into the new. Anything goes, the way I practice homeopathy has presented me with ever new ways of healing, always more simple and more efficient. I do believe that I get to have a "make over" for my bone structure, my teeth and my cells all over, since for days now I've felt nearly like "disintegrating" and "restructuring" - two energetic movements which are exactly what I feel my bone mass has been doing (well at least the disintegrating bit!). Time will tell whether I can present my dentist with a miracle x-ray in a few months, or whether I will have to face the incredibly invasive methods (body and wallet) of the traditional health professionals.
I hope that my notion is correct and our physical temples will get a chance for repair, as we move up in frequency.That doesn't mean we should stop treating our physical bodies well, feeding them healthy things and drink plenty of fresh water, give it exercise and fresh air. I think maintenance goes a long way, but for those genetic dispositions, we may just get a little bit of help from the Universe. I'm open to receive it!
I am in a healing profession, yet not the standard mainstream one. I help many folks on a daily basis to get well, to mend their bones, to deal with their viruses and their whole constitutional issues. It's easy, it comes natural to me and now I've been presented with one of the greatest tasks ever. Either go the "traditional" route or try to fix myself. I do believe in "mind over matter", so I've already begun weaving the tapestry onto which the bone can find it's structure and grow again. I'm looking at homeopathic remedies and Bach flower applications for the "zone". The indicators of what the topic is that I'm dealing with is clear - Bach Flower zone calls for "Willow" and as I had done the first application, I've had vivid child hood memories and indeed emotions of resentment and bitterness because of them that I had obviously held in that zone, to the point of self-destruction.
I've also faced yet another little thing - I've actually asked for help - 2 trusted sources already and a 3rd is planned. Me, asking for help ?? well, yes, that apparently was on my menu today as well.
In it all, I can't help but see it as a chance to move from the old paradigm into the new. Anything goes, the way I practice homeopathy has presented me with ever new ways of healing, always more simple and more efficient. I do believe that I get to have a "make over" for my bone structure, my teeth and my cells all over, since for days now I've felt nearly like "disintegrating" and "restructuring" - two energetic movements which are exactly what I feel my bone mass has been doing (well at least the disintegrating bit!). Time will tell whether I can present my dentist with a miracle x-ray in a few months, or whether I will have to face the incredibly invasive methods (body and wallet) of the traditional health professionals.
I hope that my notion is correct and our physical temples will get a chance for repair, as we move up in frequency.That doesn't mean we should stop treating our physical bodies well, feeding them healthy things and drink plenty of fresh water, give it exercise and fresh air. I think maintenance goes a long way, but for those genetic dispositions, we may just get a little bit of help from the Universe. I'm open to receive it!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Serenity
We had an absolutely glorious day, Spring weather, warm rays of sunshine and a crystal clear sky. It felt crisp today - clean. With the wonderful sensation of having the sunshine in my face, I cherished the moments of fresh air, peace and quiet mixed in with some bird sounds. Truly spectacular and it has left no space for lengthy musings. There's almost nothing I could say at this point. The experience of the now moment is so utterly vast and complete, there literally isn't anything that catches my immediate attention. I float and even as I walk across my back yard, I still float, the feet caressing the surface of the Earth on the soft soil, still laden with moisture from the heavy rains. This is when poetry, art and music are seemingly the only avenues left to express the mood. There are no problems, even though in my mind I could come up with a few worries. There are no obstacles, even if I could make the dramatic obstacles become huge and near insurmountable. These things are not worthy of today. Today is a glorious day in full absence of obstacles, even if drama was in my day for a brief moment, brought to me by a sweet soul who possibly had the task to bring contrast and show me the difference.
All is one, oneness is sweet love and there's nothing to fear. That, I believe, is a state where conflict just has no room, where emotional entanglements just do not hold up, they fall apart before the energy that is present and permeates my whole existence. The sensation that is foremost describable is: "Everything is in its rightful place to hold its spot and play its role in the fabric of creation". To know such "rightness" is pure divine blessing.
Namaste - I bow to you.
All is one, oneness is sweet love and there's nothing to fear. That, I believe, is a state where conflict just has no room, where emotional entanglements just do not hold up, they fall apart before the energy that is present and permeates my whole existence. The sensation that is foremost describable is: "Everything is in its rightful place to hold its spot and play its role in the fabric of creation". To know such "rightness" is pure divine blessing.
Namaste - I bow to you.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Random Acts of Kindness
During the last 2 days, any kind of heart felt music would trigger a flood of tears. I wasn't sad or anything. Life is actually going just fine. Yet there I was, listening to the wonderful compositions and tears were streaming down my face. Thankfully, I'm not wearing any mascara, so ruined make-up was one problem I didn't have. I've followed the intensity of the energetic wave that hit my heart so unexpectedly and found that I had tapped into the pool of human suffering, simply by opening the compassion department in my High Heart chakra. I've checked in whether it was truly necessary for me to reside in that frequency, for there were other things to do than to cry over my dinner plate. Very calmly, I realized that the sobs were so natural for me, they weren't the kind of sobs that leave you with puffy eyes and a headache, those come from personal drama, not from release of suffering for others. I realized that the tears I was crying weren't my own. They were uncried tears of so many people that I don't know personally, yet am connected to nevertheless.
There was no other choice for me than to live the unity with these souls. To transform with the capacity for compassion that I have and thus, after about an hour's worth of cleansing some of that energy, of expressing some of those tears, my "task" was done and no further tears came.
Today, I'm still somewhat "built on the water", but I feel that I am not alone in this cleansing team. There may be others who feel moved to sob out deeply felt grief and random suffering, in order to transform that energy field by infusing it with infinite love and compassion. To be "hit" seemingly in surprise with this task feels like a great honor to me and it is quite an easy thing to do. There is no mistaking this work from lack of boundaries and taking on someone else's stuff. That feels entirely different. I do not feel one single bit of what I have transformed yesterday has remained in my energy bodies. I would say, this is simply a task that greets those of us who either have contracted to do that job or are simply in a space where they are able to do this without getting confused.
One thing is for sure, it's always good to have a box of tissues handy!
There was no other choice for me than to live the unity with these souls. To transform with the capacity for compassion that I have and thus, after about an hour's worth of cleansing some of that energy, of expressing some of those tears, my "task" was done and no further tears came.
Today, I'm still somewhat "built on the water", but I feel that I am not alone in this cleansing team. There may be others who feel moved to sob out deeply felt grief and random suffering, in order to transform that energy field by infusing it with infinite love and compassion. To be "hit" seemingly in surprise with this task feels like a great honor to me and it is quite an easy thing to do. There is no mistaking this work from lack of boundaries and taking on someone else's stuff. That feels entirely different. I do not feel one single bit of what I have transformed yesterday has remained in my energy bodies. I would say, this is simply a task that greets those of us who either have contracted to do that job or are simply in a space where they are able to do this without getting confused.
One thing is for sure, it's always good to have a box of tissues handy!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The Art of Giving ... and Receiving
It is so easy to make oneself feel good. The act of giving, also called generosity, will easily propel one into an experience of joy. It doesn't have to be a material thing that we are giving, but just to know that we've made an impact on someone else with that gift makes us happy. Furthermore, if that gift is accepted and taken with gratitude, we feel something else, we feel accepted ourselves. If a gift we intend to give is not accepted, then the first impression is one of being rejected (in most cases). In this dance of giving and receiving, we can see that both ends are equally important for a "successful" transaction.
This applies not only for material gifts, it applies for emotional gifts and of course as well for the mental gifts of new ideas and the spiritual gifts our Higher Selves, the Creator, the angelic kingdom and all helpers have in store for us. There are countless gifts out there, I visualize the crystal grid hanging full of them, for each individual who cares to ask for help, their special and individual gift will activate and ease the way no matter where the ailment lies. What is most important in my view, is that if you do take advantage of that offer that is now available for all of mankind, it is but a matter of courtesy to have an open heart and fully accept that gift. Receiving it is equally a conscious choice as is asking for the gift. The quality of receiving this gift will bring not only the gift, but also the quality of accepting the energy of the gift giver into your energetic frequency. Be this the energies of your Higher Self, the One, the Angels, the Archangels or your personal helpers, it will create a deeper understanding of oneness, of unity within yourself, being connected thus with all that is in a very deep and meaningful, conscious manner.
This applies not only for material gifts, it applies for emotional gifts and of course as well for the mental gifts of new ideas and the spiritual gifts our Higher Selves, the Creator, the angelic kingdom and all helpers have in store for us. There are countless gifts out there, I visualize the crystal grid hanging full of them, for each individual who cares to ask for help, their special and individual gift will activate and ease the way no matter where the ailment lies. What is most important in my view, is that if you do take advantage of that offer that is now available for all of mankind, it is but a matter of courtesy to have an open heart and fully accept that gift. Receiving it is equally a conscious choice as is asking for the gift. The quality of receiving this gift will bring not only the gift, but also the quality of accepting the energy of the gift giver into your energetic frequency. Be this the energies of your Higher Self, the One, the Angels, the Archangels or your personal helpers, it will create a deeper understanding of oneness, of unity within yourself, being connected thus with all that is in a very deep and meaningful, conscious manner.
Monday, January 24, 2011
It's Simple!
Our lives have become so incredibly complex. That's putting it nicely. If I look at it a bit closer, I'd call it "cluttered". Within the barrage of electronic input (only one of the sources of clutter), there is of course the blessing of the network, without which I couldn't reach people the way I do. Aside from that, I feel drawn to undo much of the clutter in my world. Outwardly, as always, my environment reflects the inner state of my being. For a long time my surroundings were very busy (to put it gently). I've since owned that "oh well, I'm just a slob"- tag and taken to making fun of myself. However, It's not about housekeeping really. (one would never guess that I've been to Hotel School....) It's about being in the flow of what energies are present within. I've had strange urges to Spring clean my abode lately and they have resulted in a less cluttered house. Well, to some it would still be a rather rich environment (again putting it mildly), but hey, baby steps, right?
As with everything I'm automatically taking the stance to go see what is at the essence of this renewed desire to downgrade in the department of belongings, knick knacks and useless (to me) items. It is as if I know now that there won't be a time when I'll need that (my standard excuse for my mild case of hoarding). I have the feeling that everything I will ever need, I mean really need, will come my way, when I need it. It's such a calm sensation that I wonder why I didn't succumb to it a long time ago. Well, there's little drama in such calmness...
The whole energy of de-cluttering actually seems to oscillate from within to without, back to within etc. It's an exchange that is palpable. I can observe the energies' dance quite clearly and as I grab one thread of the looping fibres, I realize quite naturally that as I simplify my beliefs and conceptual patterns, I automatically am able and desire to simplify the amount of "stuff" that has accumulated over the years. I like this approach, for the compensation of being a slob would have to be to become ultra-controlling of every little thing in my house, so that it fastidiously has to be put in its right place and thus give the appearance of uncluttered. That is equally an out-of-balance state, so if that's your experience, don't rest on it yet...An organically clean and clutter free environment has to match the inner state of peace and calm and simple thought.
How to tackle this little dance is quite simple. I endeavor to bring things, thoughts, experiences, beliefs to a point, to their innermost central core point. I simply let the elaborate concepts, the enticing stories and fleshed out dramas fall away by focusing on what something actually IS. It is not that hard to do. What I do pay attention to is not to buy into the often dramatic and elaborate scenarios that try to tell me life is difficult, complicated, confusing and therefore more special than any other concept etc. It used to be that way for me too, very much so and I let go of any judgments that may still be comparing one way of experiencing one's reality to the other.
For me it is NOW, it is HERE and it is SIMPLE. There are a number of existential, universal truths that have held steadfast for me, the central one being unconditional love. It simply isn't necessary any longer to buy into complicated theories, to put up extremely elitist philosophies and sell them to others. It's not important. I guess I've navigated far and long along those paths to have come what feels like "full circle", when I realize with a chuckle, that it's always been this simple all along.
I know that with this quiet understanding of how simple life really is at its core, my abode will undergo a very fluid, simple adjustment to reflect this change in my beliefs. Off to tackle the recyclables.
As with everything I'm automatically taking the stance to go see what is at the essence of this renewed desire to downgrade in the department of belongings, knick knacks and useless (to me) items. It is as if I know now that there won't be a time when I'll need that (my standard excuse for my mild case of hoarding). I have the feeling that everything I will ever need, I mean really need, will come my way, when I need it. It's such a calm sensation that I wonder why I didn't succumb to it a long time ago. Well, there's little drama in such calmness...
The whole energy of de-cluttering actually seems to oscillate from within to without, back to within etc. It's an exchange that is palpable. I can observe the energies' dance quite clearly and as I grab one thread of the looping fibres, I realize quite naturally that as I simplify my beliefs and conceptual patterns, I automatically am able and desire to simplify the amount of "stuff" that has accumulated over the years. I like this approach, for the compensation of being a slob would have to be to become ultra-controlling of every little thing in my house, so that it fastidiously has to be put in its right place and thus give the appearance of uncluttered. That is equally an out-of-balance state, so if that's your experience, don't rest on it yet...An organically clean and clutter free environment has to match the inner state of peace and calm and simple thought.
How to tackle this little dance is quite simple. I endeavor to bring things, thoughts, experiences, beliefs to a point, to their innermost central core point. I simply let the elaborate concepts, the enticing stories and fleshed out dramas fall away by focusing on what something actually IS. It is not that hard to do. What I do pay attention to is not to buy into the often dramatic and elaborate scenarios that try to tell me life is difficult, complicated, confusing and therefore more special than any other concept etc. It used to be that way for me too, very much so and I let go of any judgments that may still be comparing one way of experiencing one's reality to the other.
For me it is NOW, it is HERE and it is SIMPLE. There are a number of existential, universal truths that have held steadfast for me, the central one being unconditional love. It simply isn't necessary any longer to buy into complicated theories, to put up extremely elitist philosophies and sell them to others. It's not important. I guess I've navigated far and long along those paths to have come what feels like "full circle", when I realize with a chuckle, that it's always been this simple all along.
I know that with this quiet understanding of how simple life really is at its core, my abode will undergo a very fluid, simple adjustment to reflect this change in my beliefs. Off to tackle the recyclables.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
What can I trust ?
We all know that sometimes in life, you just gotta trust - against all odds so to speak. That seems to me is one of the hurdles we face during this time of accelerated vibrations. How can we settle into a place, adjust to our new vibration and learn to trust it, when just a few weeks later, we're going through the next wave of increase in frequency. It doesn't look easy surfing these waves. Deep inside, however, I realize that the further I go, the more the elaborate concepts fall apart. They become simply void in my belief system. Yes, I can still honor them for the space they held, for the understanding they gave me, but if I'm truly honest, they are outdated and just don't feel right any longer. There are many mental concepts like that, belief systems they are called as well.
If there has been one steady thing on my journey, it's a move towards simplification. Things that appeared so utterly confusing and complicated to grasp just aren't that any longer. I seek their essence and boil it down to the signature energy they carry. The fancy language, the incredibly puffed up scenarios and constructs that they have simply disappear, they are no longer needed (nor wanted for that matter). One thing that has brought me to this ever more simple way of looking at things has been the stubborn insisting on my part to keep trusting what I felt inside myself was true to me. This has been tested heavily by some blatant mirror bashers in my life that show me how they could in one sentence wreck havoc with what I'm trying to explain, yet my innermost calm, my understanding of it never falters. I have learned to fully trust myself and I feel that it is indeed necessary in the face of the increased "rearing of the heads" of what is called "negative entities". I just see it as the throes of this letting go process and honor it for what it is. Fearless and trusting in my ability to hold High Heart Consciousness throughout whatever storms enter into my reality. (There are less and less storms actually).
So I speak of trust. Perhaps some readers would like to be able to fully trust themselves as well. I can tell you how it came to me. For me, it has clearly been a conscious decision to fully trust myself. It was a conscious intent to commit to myself foremost and with all parts that make me "me". It was a process of acceptance of who I am, including ALL my flaws, as well as ALL my talents and good points. The totality of "me" was what I needed to honor and so I did.
It definitely felt like a form of commitment, it is a sacred contract to follow one's own path, no matter what others do. It may look distorted to others, but if I hold this trust (some may call it faith, but faith depends on something outside myself, whereas trust is trusting my innermost), without being closed minded to others' ideas and perceptions, (one should remain open, yet trust one's inner voice/gut instinct etc.), then I have accessed the greatest tool that there is. I then give my higher self the permission to lead this life as it sees fit and I fully trust that it's going to be perfect for me, giving me the opportunities for further growth and fulfillment of my contracts all aligned with the divinity of my nature. If I can't trust that, then what can I trust ?
If there has been one steady thing on my journey, it's a move towards simplification. Things that appeared so utterly confusing and complicated to grasp just aren't that any longer. I seek their essence and boil it down to the signature energy they carry. The fancy language, the incredibly puffed up scenarios and constructs that they have simply disappear, they are no longer needed (nor wanted for that matter). One thing that has brought me to this ever more simple way of looking at things has been the stubborn insisting on my part to keep trusting what I felt inside myself was true to me. This has been tested heavily by some blatant mirror bashers in my life that show me how they could in one sentence wreck havoc with what I'm trying to explain, yet my innermost calm, my understanding of it never falters. I have learned to fully trust myself and I feel that it is indeed necessary in the face of the increased "rearing of the heads" of what is called "negative entities". I just see it as the throes of this letting go process and honor it for what it is. Fearless and trusting in my ability to hold High Heart Consciousness throughout whatever storms enter into my reality. (There are less and less storms actually).
So I speak of trust. Perhaps some readers would like to be able to fully trust themselves as well. I can tell you how it came to me. For me, it has clearly been a conscious decision to fully trust myself. It was a conscious intent to commit to myself foremost and with all parts that make me "me". It was a process of acceptance of who I am, including ALL my flaws, as well as ALL my talents and good points. The totality of "me" was what I needed to honor and so I did.
It definitely felt like a form of commitment, it is a sacred contract to follow one's own path, no matter what others do. It may look distorted to others, but if I hold this trust (some may call it faith, but faith depends on something outside myself, whereas trust is trusting my innermost), without being closed minded to others' ideas and perceptions, (one should remain open, yet trust one's inner voice/gut instinct etc.), then I have accessed the greatest tool that there is. I then give my higher self the permission to lead this life as it sees fit and I fully trust that it's going to be perfect for me, giving me the opportunities for further growth and fulfillment of my contracts all aligned with the divinity of my nature. If I can't trust that, then what can I trust ?
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Asking for Help
This morning I awoke with a memory. It was etched in my mind clearly. I hadn't thought of this memory in a very long time. It is however pivotal that I speak of this now.
It was 1989 and I had experienced about 10 years worth of back troubles with scoliosis, due to bad posture and a growth spurt that was quite extreme at age 15. I had the x-rays to show my curved spine and other than surgery, there was no recourse. I had backed away from surgery intuitively and just kept on going about my business until that one morning, when I woke up and tried to swing my legs out of bed. Well, I recall that the feet hit the floor and as I was trying to get up a severe jolt of pain raced up my spine and I felt that I could not move anymore. Not in the paralyzed sense, but in the sense of wanting to avoid any further pain. I gingerly did try to move and scooted around the bed a bit. Every little movement hurt so badly that tears just streamed down my face. I felt utterly forlorn in that moment. Nothing made sense. Why was I in this condition? Sure, I did feel utterly sorry for myself. Then I heard a voice, very quiet, but very clear. It asked me: "Why don't you ask for help ?" I was stunned. I had sat there on my bed for at least an hour trying to figure out how to get up to even call in sick, but asking the Universe for help had not been on my list of possible actions. I figured that OK, I have nothing to lose, so I asked for help. I even added a "please". What happened next can only be described as "a miracle". I felt a tingling come from my crown and it flowed down my spine. At the area where my back had been "out", it felt like in front and back there were two energetic hands. Within minutes they simply straightened out my spine and unkinked where the vertebrae had pinched the nerve. I distinctly felt bone move gently into a more natural place. The whole thing lasted perhaps 5 or 10 minutes. During this magic moment, my tears were flowing freely and this time, it was a mix of shame, being humbled and gratitude. (quite a funny emotion thus mixed up actually.) Then, that quiet voice said: "Stand up!" and I did - pain free.
I can't remember whether I actually did go to work that day or not. What I do remember is going to my doctor and having new x-rays done about a month after this incident and the x-rays showed that the spine was completely healed. No more curvature. I was truly healed.
The reason why the Universe isn't offering direct help until you ask for it is what I call the "prime directive" here on Earth: Free Will Choice. As long as you are not asking explicitly for help, there's nothing anyone can do, for it is respected that you have free will choice and if suffering is your choice, so be it.
We can never truly know the magnitude or sort of gifts the Universe has in store for us, but we can try to find out, by asking for help when our worries become overwhelming, when we feel unable to do another step alone; when our health fails us or our hearts won't open to the unconditional love that is required for attaining the next increase in frequency. I absolutely believe that every single person will receive the unique gift the Universe has in place, for that specific moment when they open up to the possibility of simply asking for help and be ready to accept the gift.
It was 1989 and I had experienced about 10 years worth of back troubles with scoliosis, due to bad posture and a growth spurt that was quite extreme at age 15. I had the x-rays to show my curved spine and other than surgery, there was no recourse. I had backed away from surgery intuitively and just kept on going about my business until that one morning, when I woke up and tried to swing my legs out of bed. Well, I recall that the feet hit the floor and as I was trying to get up a severe jolt of pain raced up my spine and I felt that I could not move anymore. Not in the paralyzed sense, but in the sense of wanting to avoid any further pain. I gingerly did try to move and scooted around the bed a bit. Every little movement hurt so badly that tears just streamed down my face. I felt utterly forlorn in that moment. Nothing made sense. Why was I in this condition? Sure, I did feel utterly sorry for myself. Then I heard a voice, very quiet, but very clear. It asked me: "Why don't you ask for help ?" I was stunned. I had sat there on my bed for at least an hour trying to figure out how to get up to even call in sick, but asking the Universe for help had not been on my list of possible actions. I figured that OK, I have nothing to lose, so I asked for help. I even added a "please". What happened next can only be described as "a miracle". I felt a tingling come from my crown and it flowed down my spine. At the area where my back had been "out", it felt like in front and back there were two energetic hands. Within minutes they simply straightened out my spine and unkinked where the vertebrae had pinched the nerve. I distinctly felt bone move gently into a more natural place. The whole thing lasted perhaps 5 or 10 minutes. During this magic moment, my tears were flowing freely and this time, it was a mix of shame, being humbled and gratitude. (quite a funny emotion thus mixed up actually.) Then, that quiet voice said: "Stand up!" and I did - pain free.
I can't remember whether I actually did go to work that day or not. What I do remember is going to my doctor and having new x-rays done about a month after this incident and the x-rays showed that the spine was completely healed. No more curvature. I was truly healed.
The reason why the Universe isn't offering direct help until you ask for it is what I call the "prime directive" here on Earth: Free Will Choice. As long as you are not asking explicitly for help, there's nothing anyone can do, for it is respected that you have free will choice and if suffering is your choice, so be it.
We can never truly know the magnitude or sort of gifts the Universe has in store for us, but we can try to find out, by asking for help when our worries become overwhelming, when we feel unable to do another step alone; when our health fails us or our hearts won't open to the unconditional love that is required for attaining the next increase in frequency. I absolutely believe that every single person will receive the unique gift the Universe has in place, for that specific moment when they open up to the possibility of simply asking for help and be ready to accept the gift.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Unity Consciousness
2011 ! The year where humanity at large is supposed to find into unity consciousness. There are theories out there, hypotheses and interpretations. Every person has their own view of this and even if they are similar in gist, they may differ quite vastly. I'm always interested in finding the essence of things, I've got this unstoppable mind that seeks the energetic signature of whatever it is contemplating. Sometimes I find the underlying essential thing that I'm looking for. When I contemplate unity consciousness, it could become really grand, excitingly important and large. This could result in huge explanations of what it is, how it's to be perceived, how to facilitate it. That's all good and well and as much as I strive for simplicity with my way of searching for the essence in things, concepts, thoughts, other people may strive for the overview, the fleshed out image. Both are most needed to give a complete picture in my opinion. It's just that my drive is to dive for the simple pearl.
When I think of unity consciousness, the word "oneness" comes to mind. "All that Is", the ONE - I've used these terms before without explaining much what they mean to me. No matter how individualized I am, I am also part of a whole. It's undeniable, although at times I tend to set myself apart from it, for reasons of comfort only though. In the back of my mind, the understanding of being one with all that is permeates my thinking. So if I am one already, if I am this All that IS - energy, I am sitting in the field of Unity Consciousness.
Consciousness means I'm aware of it. Yes, I can say that I am aware of being All that IS in my energetic state, at the same time as being individualized in my current form. It is perceivable simultaneously. At the essence of all of this is one unwavering understanding. This unity consciousness IS the awareness of unconditional love, for that is what the ONE is in my experience. Unconditional love is thus the gateway to unity consciousness. It can also be the marker, to see whether unity consciousness has been reached and to make things really easy, every person is already perfectly capable of experiencing this unconditional love.
It is often experienced by new parents for their babies, it overcomes us spontaneously when we see and love the beauty Mother Earth's displays. Most of us love to see babies of all species. It's always that sweet feeling of love we have towards the wee ones. Most of us anyways. Well, since that's a guess, I'm going to boil it down to myself. I most definitely am always overcome by a flood of unconditional love when I see a baby (any species). Whether I get to hold it or just see it, whether it's just a picture on a calendar or a nature show, it matters not. That feeling is there, that flood of unconditional pure love that flows through me at the sight of a baby. That's one (very simple) way I experience unconditional love and through that ability I access unity consciousness instantly.
I had an angel recently whispering to me that it's time now that people find themselves in unconditional love. I believe him.
When I think of unity consciousness, the word "oneness" comes to mind. "All that Is", the ONE - I've used these terms before without explaining much what they mean to me. No matter how individualized I am, I am also part of a whole. It's undeniable, although at times I tend to set myself apart from it, for reasons of comfort only though. In the back of my mind, the understanding of being one with all that is permeates my thinking. So if I am one already, if I am this All that IS - energy, I am sitting in the field of Unity Consciousness.
Consciousness means I'm aware of it. Yes, I can say that I am aware of being All that IS in my energetic state, at the same time as being individualized in my current form. It is perceivable simultaneously. At the essence of all of this is one unwavering understanding. This unity consciousness IS the awareness of unconditional love, for that is what the ONE is in my experience. Unconditional love is thus the gateway to unity consciousness. It can also be the marker, to see whether unity consciousness has been reached and to make things really easy, every person is already perfectly capable of experiencing this unconditional love.
It is often experienced by new parents for their babies, it overcomes us spontaneously when we see and love the beauty Mother Earth's displays. Most of us love to see babies of all species. It's always that sweet feeling of love we have towards the wee ones. Most of us anyways. Well, since that's a guess, I'm going to boil it down to myself. I most definitely am always overcome by a flood of unconditional love when I see a baby (any species). Whether I get to hold it or just see it, whether it's just a picture on a calendar or a nature show, it matters not. That feeling is there, that flood of unconditional pure love that flows through me at the sight of a baby. That's one (very simple) way I experience unconditional love and through that ability I access unity consciousness instantly.
I had an angel recently whispering to me that it's time now that people find themselves in unconditional love. I believe him.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Code of Honor
In the life times of 3D experience it was somewhat ok to wildly, in full innocence (ignorance?) do stuff that would hurt others. The system of karma and re-incarnation allowed for correction where it was needed. Many directives, rules if you will, suggestions on how to live, were given to this world over the centuries. There are many books out there, old and new that still patiently hold pearls of wisdom and truths that are still valid now and possibly will never lose their validity. I am not one to like rules much. I don't play by rules that come from the outside. I do have some simple rules though by which I am trying to live my life and sometimes, I blatantly violate my own directives.
Whether or not you define or live your life by rules matters little to me as a person. However, I do have a dream that humanity at some point will be able to live by something that transcends the status of "rule" and becomes an implicit "code of honor". I'm really preaching to the choir here a bit, and don't really want to re-invent the wheel. It may be that time is right to point out certain things, it may be that I just feel I personally need to remind myself of this code of honor that I wish everyone would adhere to.
It is quite simple. If I hold the awareness that all is ONE, I know with certainty, that what I do unto others, I do to myself. Now the difficulty comes in if I cannot honor and respect myself enough to care what I do to myself by doing to others. So it boils down to honoring and respecting my essence, my self. By doing so and by staying aware that I am part of all that is and all that is, is in fact affected by my every move, my every thought, the faintest ripple on my part will create a response in the ALL, then I can either become paralyzed and never do anything again, for fear of treading onto another being in a manner that isn't honorable and respectful, kind and benevolent, or I can seek for the one source of energy that can aid and guarantee honorable conduct.
There is but once source that I know of, which guarantees a conduct and interaction with any living thing and that is the essence of all creation, unconditional LOVE. It is my responsibility to tap into this essence, to feel it in my own form (body) to let it be the guide for my words, my deeds and my reactions to others. No amount of curiosity for a topic, confusion within me that would drive me to earnestly seek clarification, no matter what opinions and viewpoints of others trigger in me - my next step should always be guided by this energy of my own essence, my heart, love. Only then do I feel, will my interaction be pure, truthful in the best of intentions, it will carry that signature, even if the thoughts, the beliefs are not in harmony with other beliefs. That energy of love will emanate from my creations, thoughts, words spoken and written, from my deeds and reactions and even if that isn't enough, even if my delivery is as carefully placed as it possibly can be, I have to trust that my love that was the trigger and guidance for my expression will caress the ALL in honor and respect and thus reflect back to me in the same manner.
Imagine that we ARE all that already, always have been, always will be.
Whether or not you define or live your life by rules matters little to me as a person. However, I do have a dream that humanity at some point will be able to live by something that transcends the status of "rule" and becomes an implicit "code of honor". I'm really preaching to the choir here a bit, and don't really want to re-invent the wheel. It may be that time is right to point out certain things, it may be that I just feel I personally need to remind myself of this code of honor that I wish everyone would adhere to.
It is quite simple. If I hold the awareness that all is ONE, I know with certainty, that what I do unto others, I do to myself. Now the difficulty comes in if I cannot honor and respect myself enough to care what I do to myself by doing to others. So it boils down to honoring and respecting my essence, my self. By doing so and by staying aware that I am part of all that is and all that is, is in fact affected by my every move, my every thought, the faintest ripple on my part will create a response in the ALL, then I can either become paralyzed and never do anything again, for fear of treading onto another being in a manner that isn't honorable and respectful, kind and benevolent, or I can seek for the one source of energy that can aid and guarantee honorable conduct.
There is but once source that I know of, which guarantees a conduct and interaction with any living thing and that is the essence of all creation, unconditional LOVE. It is my responsibility to tap into this essence, to feel it in my own form (body) to let it be the guide for my words, my deeds and my reactions to others. No amount of curiosity for a topic, confusion within me that would drive me to earnestly seek clarification, no matter what opinions and viewpoints of others trigger in me - my next step should always be guided by this energy of my own essence, my heart, love. Only then do I feel, will my interaction be pure, truthful in the best of intentions, it will carry that signature, even if the thoughts, the beliefs are not in harmony with other beliefs. That energy of love will emanate from my creations, thoughts, words spoken and written, from my deeds and reactions and even if that isn't enough, even if my delivery is as carefully placed as it possibly can be, I have to trust that my love that was the trigger and guidance for my expression will caress the ALL in honor and respect and thus reflect back to me in the same manner.
Imagine that we ARE all that already, always have been, always will be.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
When Power Strikes
The interaction and play of energies peak often when a drama unfolds. One of the dramas is such a difficult lesson that quite a few souls embark on the path of learning and growing through it. I know the makings of this drama intimately for one reason alone, I've chosen this scenario for my own growth and learning and live to tell of it.
The central topic of this drama I am about to describe has to do with power. This is the moment when ego, the lower self grabs hold of knowledge that has come to a person from the higher self. The ego seizes that knowledge and begins to puff itself up with it. To be in this state is quite a powerful feeling. It looks and feels as if one has truly hit "jackpot", ie. NOW the higher self is in charge. Alas, in all reality, this isn't so. The lower self gives itself airs of being the voice of the higher self, it's pretending to be all enlightened and powerful and the person to which this drama "happens" doesn't see anything other than the pure divine purpose of their existence. It is thus very difficult to navigate life and especially exchanges with other people while living in this state of illusion. Truly, it does feel very real when you're in it and no matter what anyone around you says, it's instantly dismissed, turned around, distorted to the point of "I'm right and divine - they just don't "get" it."
When this happens, the lower self (ego) really gets a kick - it wants to change the world, for truly it feels so very divine and powerful. It loses all perspective to who it really is (the ego) and it gives the person in this drama many good feelings, which are so absolutely not in line with the feedback that keeps coming from the outside. That's startling, but swiftly swept under the rug, for it cannot be that the good feelings I have are not truly straight from the heavens. (divine, super, absolutely unique and special, just depicting my own grandness). THIS is what it must feel to be hooked up, irrevocably in tune with the whole universe - this and nothing less than this. Yes, those were in part my thoughts at the time when I experienced this drama.
There comes the mirror at some point, from the outside, which shows clearly that which is going on inside. It is the response from the people I touch. It has to be that way, for this is how this existence in this body works. For the benefit of everyone involved, we learn this way - we get to see the truth of our inside state in how we experience the outside world. In my case, I felt that everyone was against me (I was against me, my ego was ruling me and taking over). I felt that they didn't know anything and I knew everything (I didn't know anything that was going on). I felt they were all truly blind to the truth. (I was truly blind to the truth). I felt they were dangerous and about to take over the world (I was on the way in my state of megalomania to attempt the change of the world and besides my ego had taken over my inner world).
And so it went... I projected my state freely onto others, blaming them exactly of what was true for myself, thus denying that truth, instead of looking at my projections. Needless to say, that was quite a "dark" sort of time in my life and I realized only afterwards what damage lay in my wake. The end of this episode for me was self-destructive. I actually nearly chopped off the tip of my index finger (yeah the one I had used so full of myself whilst pointing at others). I am thankful it was self-destructive, for it could have resulted in the destruction or harm towards others. It was easier to bear that pain on my own body.
That last act of the power running me and my life, that injury I had inflicted onto myself had the result of snapping me out of it. I am grateful that it had that effect, for the sobering was very painful. It took me months to sort it all out, it took many plates full of humble pie. The shame I had experienced was almost not bearable and the weight of the responsibility that hit me the moment I realized what I had done and caused was an incredible burden. Needless to say, I had weathered the storm and those around me, well, lets say, I know who my true friends are now (those few that put up with my process and remained).
Since then, I have on and off mused over why I had to go through this, what was the purpose ? Was it just a freak accident thing, just a reflection of my inability to wield my own power in a sane manner? What was the gift in it all? True, I've since learned to recognize my ego much keener and I will deal with it swiftly should it try such a stunt again (chuckles). But these days, observing in others the same energetic make up of what I had gone through made me realize that I understand fully what is going on. I see the energetic signature of the drama, the essence of it. It doesn't matter that the details are not quite the same. The essence is. I see that the greatest gift I have received for going through such a drama is incredibly beautiful. It is the ability to love that soul who has given itself the same test/learning experience unconditionally - it has given me knowing and compassion.
I am entirely grateful and wouldn't miss that ugly ride one bit. It is part of who I am today.
The central topic of this drama I am about to describe has to do with power. This is the moment when ego, the lower self grabs hold of knowledge that has come to a person from the higher self. The ego seizes that knowledge and begins to puff itself up with it. To be in this state is quite a powerful feeling. It looks and feels as if one has truly hit "jackpot", ie. NOW the higher self is in charge. Alas, in all reality, this isn't so. The lower self gives itself airs of being the voice of the higher self, it's pretending to be all enlightened and powerful and the person to which this drama "happens" doesn't see anything other than the pure divine purpose of their existence. It is thus very difficult to navigate life and especially exchanges with other people while living in this state of illusion. Truly, it does feel very real when you're in it and no matter what anyone around you says, it's instantly dismissed, turned around, distorted to the point of "I'm right and divine - they just don't "get" it."
When this happens, the lower self (ego) really gets a kick - it wants to change the world, for truly it feels so very divine and powerful. It loses all perspective to who it really is (the ego) and it gives the person in this drama many good feelings, which are so absolutely not in line with the feedback that keeps coming from the outside. That's startling, but swiftly swept under the rug, for it cannot be that the good feelings I have are not truly straight from the heavens. (divine, super, absolutely unique and special, just depicting my own grandness). THIS is what it must feel to be hooked up, irrevocably in tune with the whole universe - this and nothing less than this. Yes, those were in part my thoughts at the time when I experienced this drama.
There comes the mirror at some point, from the outside, which shows clearly that which is going on inside. It is the response from the people I touch. It has to be that way, for this is how this existence in this body works. For the benefit of everyone involved, we learn this way - we get to see the truth of our inside state in how we experience the outside world. In my case, I felt that everyone was against me (I was against me, my ego was ruling me and taking over). I felt that they didn't know anything and I knew everything (I didn't know anything that was going on). I felt they were all truly blind to the truth. (I was truly blind to the truth). I felt they were dangerous and about to take over the world (I was on the way in my state of megalomania to attempt the change of the world and besides my ego had taken over my inner world).
And so it went... I projected my state freely onto others, blaming them exactly of what was true for myself, thus denying that truth, instead of looking at my projections. Needless to say, that was quite a "dark" sort of time in my life and I realized only afterwards what damage lay in my wake. The end of this episode for me was self-destructive. I actually nearly chopped off the tip of my index finger (yeah the one I had used so full of myself whilst pointing at others). I am thankful it was self-destructive, for it could have resulted in the destruction or harm towards others. It was easier to bear that pain on my own body.
That last act of the power running me and my life, that injury I had inflicted onto myself had the result of snapping me out of it. I am grateful that it had that effect, for the sobering was very painful. It took me months to sort it all out, it took many plates full of humble pie. The shame I had experienced was almost not bearable and the weight of the responsibility that hit me the moment I realized what I had done and caused was an incredible burden. Needless to say, I had weathered the storm and those around me, well, lets say, I know who my true friends are now (those few that put up with my process and remained).
Since then, I have on and off mused over why I had to go through this, what was the purpose ? Was it just a freak accident thing, just a reflection of my inability to wield my own power in a sane manner? What was the gift in it all? True, I've since learned to recognize my ego much keener and I will deal with it swiftly should it try such a stunt again (chuckles). But these days, observing in others the same energetic make up of what I had gone through made me realize that I understand fully what is going on. I see the energetic signature of the drama, the essence of it. It doesn't matter that the details are not quite the same. The essence is. I see that the greatest gift I have received for going through such a drama is incredibly beautiful. It is the ability to love that soul who has given itself the same test/learning experience unconditionally - it has given me knowing and compassion.
I am entirely grateful and wouldn't miss that ugly ride one bit. It is part of who I am today.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Creations - Pieces of Art
As I listen to some music that so entirely familiar to me as if it came straight from my essence's vibrations, I realize that every creation, be it big or small, be it words, novels, poetry, spoken words, be it music, be it visual or just something as simple as a tender touch, is indeed a work of art. I include the not so beautiful creations here as well for the the sake of balance and completeness. We have navigated life time after life time through the experience of duality to learn the discernment of good and bad, to learn discernment period.
We can look at marvelous pieces of art, we can listen to symphonies playing the frolicking expressions of the essence of higher dimensional beings, we would possibly not think of debating or discussing the makings of these pieces of creation. We accept them, we may not like the same ones, but here and there one piece or the other will speak to us like it was meant just simply for our senses alone. We would never dream of treading harshly on such sacred ground, for the sacredness these pieces of art hold is apparent, visible, audible and untouchable. There is no question of right or wrong, for gazing on them, listening to them, or reading their words propels us straight to the dimensions they reflect, where judgment simply does not exist, where the sacredness is respected, honored and understood by all dwelling there.
With the transition from the dualistic world of 3D into a slightly higher frequency (I say slightly on purpose, for in the scope of the whole, it IS but a slight increase). Things like art and creation become more important than ever before. Moments of creation are facilitated by the various platforms of the internet and shared freely, which is entirely in line with these higher vibrations. What has not quite been integrated yet, is how to treat these various pieces of art and creation that many people now share freely on the net and elsewhere in their daily lives. Ever so often, the more courageous souls who cannot help themselves but share their essence, share their art in the way they know how, get pulled into a discourse, a debate, as if art could truly be discussed. Their sharing is thus being trampled on, their openness violated and their vulnerability is used. This is in fact a form of energy theft, for what happens when an open and sharing person is treated with "heavy artillery" that is often disguised as "I just needed to clarify" or some such? The author's energy is intimately linked and contained in the piece of art, the words he or she is freely sharing, the pearl of wisdom that the point of view presents, the gift it is to the world at large. When that piece of creation, that work of art is torn apart by innocent seeming questions, by debates, by discussions that try to define right from wrong in the style of 3D, the author's energy is directly receiving a blow and is draining out, usually towards the "attacker". This is a form of energy theft and possibly the single most important cause for people of higher frequency feeling depleted to the point of being unable to function in their lives, when in contact with people residing in lower frequency.
There are lessons involved for both sides of course. It is utterly important that each person learns to hold their frequency no matter what happens, or who tries to tear the fabric of their creation apart. It is however equally important for those residing in lower frequency to learn to build up their own energy supply straight from the source, rather than from people around them. There is indeed enough energy to go around, an infinite supply.
It is in my experience imperative for those of lower frequency to come to an understanding of decorum if nothing else, that words shared are a piece of art, they are a creation, they are not fair game to be torn apart. Honor and respect goes to the person who freely expresses him or herself before anything else. Without this kind of decorum, guideline if you will, on how to treat each other, we run risk to keep treading around in the same lessons for a long time, which of course is a choice.
We can look at marvelous pieces of art, we can listen to symphonies playing the frolicking expressions of the essence of higher dimensional beings, we would possibly not think of debating or discussing the makings of these pieces of creation. We accept them, we may not like the same ones, but here and there one piece or the other will speak to us like it was meant just simply for our senses alone. We would never dream of treading harshly on such sacred ground, for the sacredness these pieces of art hold is apparent, visible, audible and untouchable. There is no question of right or wrong, for gazing on them, listening to them, or reading their words propels us straight to the dimensions they reflect, where judgment simply does not exist, where the sacredness is respected, honored and understood by all dwelling there.
With the transition from the dualistic world of 3D into a slightly higher frequency (I say slightly on purpose, for in the scope of the whole, it IS but a slight increase). Things like art and creation become more important than ever before. Moments of creation are facilitated by the various platforms of the internet and shared freely, which is entirely in line with these higher vibrations. What has not quite been integrated yet, is how to treat these various pieces of art and creation that many people now share freely on the net and elsewhere in their daily lives. Ever so often, the more courageous souls who cannot help themselves but share their essence, share their art in the way they know how, get pulled into a discourse, a debate, as if art could truly be discussed. Their sharing is thus being trampled on, their openness violated and their vulnerability is used. This is in fact a form of energy theft, for what happens when an open and sharing person is treated with "heavy artillery" that is often disguised as "I just needed to clarify" or some such? The author's energy is intimately linked and contained in the piece of art, the words he or she is freely sharing, the pearl of wisdom that the point of view presents, the gift it is to the world at large. When that piece of creation, that work of art is torn apart by innocent seeming questions, by debates, by discussions that try to define right from wrong in the style of 3D, the author's energy is directly receiving a blow and is draining out, usually towards the "attacker". This is a form of energy theft and possibly the single most important cause for people of higher frequency feeling depleted to the point of being unable to function in their lives, when in contact with people residing in lower frequency.
There are lessons involved for both sides of course. It is utterly important that each person learns to hold their frequency no matter what happens, or who tries to tear the fabric of their creation apart. It is however equally important for those residing in lower frequency to learn to build up their own energy supply straight from the source, rather than from people around them. There is indeed enough energy to go around, an infinite supply.
It is in my experience imperative for those of lower frequency to come to an understanding of decorum if nothing else, that words shared are a piece of art, they are a creation, they are not fair game to be torn apart. Honor and respect goes to the person who freely expresses him or herself before anything else. Without this kind of decorum, guideline if you will, on how to treat each other, we run risk to keep treading around in the same lessons for a long time, which of course is a choice.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Good Intentions
"The road to ruin is paved with good intentions". One of those good intentions are "activation"-help in my opinion. I understand that it is really amazing to be part of these "activists" to take part in directing energy and have the sense of "WOW, I activated this gate, this shift, this energy - whatever it is that currently gets "activated". I am fully aware, that coming together in groups and merging in essence, on the same drum beat so to speak, is a wonderful experience that can trigger huge amounts of personal growth for the participants. It is not that I would dare advise against nor for participation in such undertakings. All I am trying to do is broaden the understanding of what may not be considered by those proposing to meet and merge and activate.
Energies do follow the thought impulses of those creating these activations. That part is very real. It can be felt, it can be seen, it is made very very real and thus is interpreted generally with a "wow" factor and given a whole lot of importance by those who actually felt what went on, as well as by those who would have liked to belong to a group and participate, but couldn't for some reason - those usually may experience a feeling of having been left out - well they have, but that's not all bad.
What usually doesn't get considered is what these energies that have been called upon actually do. Depending on what entity, what Name is being called, invoked, prayed to or for that's like attaching the energies to that entity (Elohim, Earth, ONE, you name it...) From my point of view, none of these activations are actually necessary, for things are proceeding just fine. They are but the allowed passtime of the people who deem themselves "leaders" or "important". They are allowed to make that experience and it's all good.
However, the entity that this "activation" or better said "generating" of energy has been linked to gets to clean up after the kids had their role playing games. It may be wiser not to "assist" anyone of the beings that don't need assistance and leave their names out, take responsibility for oneself instead and say: "I, your name here, am generating this energy in order to learn and play, may it help me grow and increase my frequency." I find that such a statement other than the delusion to "assist" a being who is fully able to do their own job, would be so much more honest in my opinion.
This time, the Earth is playground to many beings that assist the ascension process. They may be known, or utterly unknown. They have a body and are very much human in form. Their essence however is one of such high vibration that the playing here on Earth is really quite a stretch for them. People who have incarnated thus, who can call these very high energies their essence have been working on this ascension process incessantly, next to living their "normal" lives. They give every ounce of their essence into this glorious process to assist the Earth and all is laid out in perfection. They don't really need "activation teams" here on Earth and end up cleaning up the entangled energies that come from such playful activities from the "activists", which leaves their incarnations, their human bodies tired, waking up again and again every morning with the distinct notion, that they've worked so very hard all night - which they have.
Anyone who feels drawn to "assist" in activations, who wants to learn to manipulate energies is of course welcome and fully allowed by the Universe to do so. All I am pointing out is - if you create something, it may be important to keep your eyes open and finish the job. As the kid's rhyme goes: Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere - Clean up, clean up, everybody do their share!
Energies do follow the thought impulses of those creating these activations. That part is very real. It can be felt, it can be seen, it is made very very real and thus is interpreted generally with a "wow" factor and given a whole lot of importance by those who actually felt what went on, as well as by those who would have liked to belong to a group and participate, but couldn't for some reason - those usually may experience a feeling of having been left out - well they have, but that's not all bad.
What usually doesn't get considered is what these energies that have been called upon actually do. Depending on what entity, what Name is being called, invoked, prayed to or for that's like attaching the energies to that entity (Elohim, Earth, ONE, you name it...) From my point of view, none of these activations are actually necessary, for things are proceeding just fine. They are but the allowed passtime of the people who deem themselves "leaders" or "important". They are allowed to make that experience and it's all good.
However, the entity that this "activation" or better said "generating" of energy has been linked to gets to clean up after the kids had their role playing games. It may be wiser not to "assist" anyone of the beings that don't need assistance and leave their names out, take responsibility for oneself instead and say: "I, your name here, am generating this energy in order to learn and play, may it help me grow and increase my frequency." I find that such a statement other than the delusion to "assist" a being who is fully able to do their own job, would be so much more honest in my opinion.
This time, the Earth is playground to many beings that assist the ascension process. They may be known, or utterly unknown. They have a body and are very much human in form. Their essence however is one of such high vibration that the playing here on Earth is really quite a stretch for them. People who have incarnated thus, who can call these very high energies their essence have been working on this ascension process incessantly, next to living their "normal" lives. They give every ounce of their essence into this glorious process to assist the Earth and all is laid out in perfection. They don't really need "activation teams" here on Earth and end up cleaning up the entangled energies that come from such playful activities from the "activists", which leaves their incarnations, their human bodies tired, waking up again and again every morning with the distinct notion, that they've worked so very hard all night - which they have.
Anyone who feels drawn to "assist" in activations, who wants to learn to manipulate energies is of course welcome and fully allowed by the Universe to do so. All I am pointing out is - if you create something, it may be important to keep your eyes open and finish the job. As the kid's rhyme goes: Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere - Clean up, clean up, everybody do their share!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Nomen Est Omen
Nomen est Omen - This Latin proverb has been with us for a long time. It means literally "Name is omen." It implies that the name is fitting for the object or person. I want to go a step further though. The sound that is inherent when speaking the name of something holds a power. This power will bring you into the frequency of the essence of what is named. This brings a whole new understanding of how names can be used.
In some understanding, magic works like this - you will have to know the true name of the object and you gain power over it. I am no magician, but I have experienced lately, that the energy of a name when spoken aloud most certainly will propel one to the respective energetic frequency.
There are accounts that claim that the it has been written in the old testament that God said to "call upon His name" - I think that may have been meant for this very reason. Unfortunately, it has since been distorted and that name has become a "secret". It has been covered up by replacement names like "Lord" (Adonai) or simply by saying "The Name" (HaShem) in lieu of the ONE's name (sound, frequency)...
It is ok, I'm not going to speculate what the name of the ONE would be. That's for each and every one to find out for themselves. I am not claiming to know it either. What I do know however, is one of the names that depict my essence. It took many decades until I was ready to face the truth of my origin. It is nothing to be curious about at this point either. Much more interesting to me is to impart the understanding I have gained while saying that name aloud. I did stand in my sacred space and spoke it aloud. It instantly propelled my energy into the state of my essence. The field of consciousness of my origin was wide open and available to me. It has to do with acknowledging and accepting that this IS indeed my essence.
I see implications and responsibility with this new found method of "naming" something and am absolutely strictly bound by the directive of free will choice. Only upon my choice will I name something that affects myself and only by the choice and request of another will I even think of doing the same for that other person.
I believe that it is time to begin our wobbly baby steps when it comes to manipulating and directing energies. It is part of the 5D way of life as I understand it and since it so presents itself to me at this time, I feel it is now my time to learn about it, remember it and speak of it. I make extra sure to tread very carefully where the gift of this knowledge is concerned and I hope you will as well.
In some understanding, magic works like this - you will have to know the true name of the object and you gain power over it. I am no magician, but I have experienced lately, that the energy of a name when spoken aloud most certainly will propel one to the respective energetic frequency.
There are accounts that claim that the it has been written in the old testament that God said to "call upon His name" - I think that may have been meant for this very reason. Unfortunately, it has since been distorted and that name has become a "secret". It has been covered up by replacement names like "Lord" (Adonai) or simply by saying "The Name" (HaShem) in lieu of the ONE's name (sound, frequency)...
It is ok, I'm not going to speculate what the name of the ONE would be. That's for each and every one to find out for themselves. I am not claiming to know it either. What I do know however, is one of the names that depict my essence. It took many decades until I was ready to face the truth of my origin. It is nothing to be curious about at this point either. Much more interesting to me is to impart the understanding I have gained while saying that name aloud. I did stand in my sacred space and spoke it aloud. It instantly propelled my energy into the state of my essence. The field of consciousness of my origin was wide open and available to me. It has to do with acknowledging and accepting that this IS indeed my essence.
I see implications and responsibility with this new found method of "naming" something and am absolutely strictly bound by the directive of free will choice. Only upon my choice will I name something that affects myself and only by the choice and request of another will I even think of doing the same for that other person.
I believe that it is time to begin our wobbly baby steps when it comes to manipulating and directing energies. It is part of the 5D way of life as I understand it and since it so presents itself to me at this time, I feel it is now my time to learn about it, remember it and speak of it. I make extra sure to tread very carefully where the gift of this knowledge is concerned and I hope you will as well.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Exploring the High Heart
As the ascension energies fluctuate, ebb and flow, the awareness levels ebb and flow right alongside. To hold one's own level of awareness is sometimes quite difficult, especially since at times it's good not to hold on to them and flow with the next wave into a yet more expanded field of consciousness. Quite a game I find, this holding on, stabilizing and then letting go again to surf the next wave. One gift this ever expanding consciousness brings is the expansion of the innate abilities of ESP and intuition. All of a sudden, folks who have not even given a second thought to these things begin "reading" the energies automatically. I hear comments from friends that make me realize that they too have been swept into different planes of consciousness.
It's a wonderful thing in essence, but it also brings a renewed need for individual responsibility. This new openness that comes automatically with the increase in frequency, has the blessing of triggering the opening of what has been termed the "High Heart". This is a "dormant" energy center that will become fully functional when a certain energetic vibration has been reached by an individual. This High Heart Chakra can be felt between the heart and the throat and it mainly promotes the experience and direction of unconditional love as well as loving communication, which is of course based on unconditional love.
This unconditionality bit is a fickle thing. I have not ever been able to feel unconditional love in my heart center alone. It always has triggered the High Heart as well. This is my personal experience and I'm not sure what all is written about it. I do know that the color therapy system Aura Soma attributes the color turquoise to this chakra, the blend of green (heart) and blue (throat). I've explored this High Heart energy on my own, but find that as it is in its nature to communicate, it is preferable to explore this energy with someone who resides on the same plane of consciousness and is equally able to experience and direct the flow of energy through this chakra. Only then (as it appears to me at this time) is the full extent of what this chakra governs palpable.
When there is an energetic communication going on between two souls who reside in the same plane of consciousness, there is no doubt as to what the spoken/written words are about. The energy of unconditional love permeates the whole exchange and it is reminiscent of the fibre (essence) of what souls are made of. In this state, there are no secrets possible. The souls communicating thus will not be able to hide anything. Only the withdrawal from this connection makes a bit of privacy possible. The unconditional love guarantees full trust, which is sometimes rather difficult to maintain otherwise.
I find that the energy generated and directed through the High Heart is possibly a direct link to understanding one's connection to the ONE without using any words, by merely experiencing the flow of this energy. In this state, the understanding of guarding the trust that is given by whomever one connects with is not only a responsibility, it becomes an unspoken honor and the sense of integrity that lies in this honor is in and of itself a state of perfection. To treat each other thus, I foresee, may be the only way to achieve ever lasting peace between humans, respect for each living thing and allowance for the free will choice of those who are able to choose.
It's a wonderful thing in essence, but it also brings a renewed need for individual responsibility. This new openness that comes automatically with the increase in frequency, has the blessing of triggering the opening of what has been termed the "High Heart". This is a "dormant" energy center that will become fully functional when a certain energetic vibration has been reached by an individual. This High Heart Chakra can be felt between the heart and the throat and it mainly promotes the experience and direction of unconditional love as well as loving communication, which is of course based on unconditional love.
This unconditionality bit is a fickle thing. I have not ever been able to feel unconditional love in my heart center alone. It always has triggered the High Heart as well. This is my personal experience and I'm not sure what all is written about it. I do know that the color therapy system Aura Soma attributes the color turquoise to this chakra, the blend of green (heart) and blue (throat). I've explored this High Heart energy on my own, but find that as it is in its nature to communicate, it is preferable to explore this energy with someone who resides on the same plane of consciousness and is equally able to experience and direct the flow of energy through this chakra. Only then (as it appears to me at this time) is the full extent of what this chakra governs palpable.
When there is an energetic communication going on between two souls who reside in the same plane of consciousness, there is no doubt as to what the spoken/written words are about. The energy of unconditional love permeates the whole exchange and it is reminiscent of the fibre (essence) of what souls are made of. In this state, there are no secrets possible. The souls communicating thus will not be able to hide anything. Only the withdrawal from this connection makes a bit of privacy possible. The unconditional love guarantees full trust, which is sometimes rather difficult to maintain otherwise.
I find that the energy generated and directed through the High Heart is possibly a direct link to understanding one's connection to the ONE without using any words, by merely experiencing the flow of this energy. In this state, the understanding of guarding the trust that is given by whomever one connects with is not only a responsibility, it becomes an unspoken honor and the sense of integrity that lies in this honor is in and of itself a state of perfection. To treat each other thus, I foresee, may be the only way to achieve ever lasting peace between humans, respect for each living thing and allowance for the free will choice of those who are able to choose.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Shine On
I've spoken of mirrors before. It is clear to many folks now that their experience in the outer (real) world is but a reflection of their innermost landscape. I understand that this is not news to many. I have come to a deeper and clearer understanding of what happened when I experienced 6 years of almost uninterrupted bullying at school. What I experienced as just plain cruelty was in fact the mirror bashers and my own creation of not knowing what my essence truly was and therefore putting myself in a place that wasn't mine to start with. I had that confirmed in my outer reality on a daily basis and didn't understand why, nor was I able to do anything about it back then.
The nature of the experience of one's reality has become so very clear to me through the gift I have been given lately. I've found my suspicions of who I am confirmed and have dived fully into the embrace of my essence. Not just to experience it, but to also accept it as "that's truly me!". The journey to arrive at this point is one that just took as long as it had to take for me to be ready to do the embracing, the full acceptance just wasn't there before. One would think that to embrace something wonderful is easy, to dive into the understanding and acceptance of one's spark of the ONE should be just amazing, fancy, out there, yeah wondrous and all that. It is - but there has always been a part of me that couldn't quite take in the totality of it. I have since taken in the totality of it and in one move, ALL fears have vanished. I am not sure they have a space any longer. I will but remember who I truly am and there simply are no fears where that place is.
Every person's journey to this place is their very own and very valuable journey. Sometimes it's just a word spoken at the right time, when you are ready to hear it, spoken with love, that will open the gate for you to walk through. What I am seeing today is, that those who seek to destroy someone's essence, be it subtly or in outright attack, are but following a need to create the environment around them that fits their understanding and belief of who they are within themselves and if someone with a different belief/experience crosses their path, it's not matching their innermost landscape. This is why people get hurt even though they have done nothing more than just shone their light, without words even. The only way to tolerate such people who are in tune and aware of their essence, is to strive to be in tune and aware of your own essence. They are there as lighthouses, showing the way. It is never suitable to try to diminish their light, for it is really untouchable and will keep shining through their eyes unhindered.
The nature of the experience of one's reality has become so very clear to me through the gift I have been given lately. I've found my suspicions of who I am confirmed and have dived fully into the embrace of my essence. Not just to experience it, but to also accept it as "that's truly me!". The journey to arrive at this point is one that just took as long as it had to take for me to be ready to do the embracing, the full acceptance just wasn't there before. One would think that to embrace something wonderful is easy, to dive into the understanding and acceptance of one's spark of the ONE should be just amazing, fancy, out there, yeah wondrous and all that. It is - but there has always been a part of me that couldn't quite take in the totality of it. I have since taken in the totality of it and in one move, ALL fears have vanished. I am not sure they have a space any longer. I will but remember who I truly am and there simply are no fears where that place is.
Every person's journey to this place is their very own and very valuable journey. Sometimes it's just a word spoken at the right time, when you are ready to hear it, spoken with love, that will open the gate for you to walk through. What I am seeing today is, that those who seek to destroy someone's essence, be it subtly or in outright attack, are but following a need to create the environment around them that fits their understanding and belief of who they are within themselves and if someone with a different belief/experience crosses their path, it's not matching their innermost landscape. This is why people get hurt even though they have done nothing more than just shone their light, without words even. The only way to tolerate such people who are in tune and aware of their essence, is to strive to be in tune and aware of your own essence. They are there as lighthouses, showing the way. It is never suitable to try to diminish their light, for it is really untouchable and will keep shining through their eyes unhindered.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
On a Path
I am often rather frustrated with the limitations of the language that describes processes, experiences, depicts landscapes of viewpoints and epiphanies. I'm still typing up something every day, as I have promised myself to do and I will bear with my own frustrations.
Mainly, when I read about topics that have to do with phenomena of "ascension" I get frustrated, for even if the writer (myself included) just describes something, there is that linearity, that polarity that is so inherent in our language, any language for that matter, unless we count the intuitive unintentional body language, which is possibly the purest form of communication for those able to read it.
I wonder, and have most certainly been caught by the same limitations, how other writers feel. Do they notice, that the very thing they feel so strongly about is being torn apart by the written word ? All a writer can do is hope that the reader senses the intent behind the words. Can we however truly assume that any writer has a full grasp on what they are trying to say ? No, I fear not. I risk with these words the judgment of those who feel that I too have not the full grasp of what I'm saying, and perhaps - well, most likely even - they are correct. The written language can be interpreted any which way. I have blogged for a number of months now, every day and have gotten feedback that clearly indicates that the material I presented was received through massive filters and was understood in a very distorted manner. (meaning - a lot different from what my writing was trying to convey). That's the risk, that's the sadness in writing and not being understood the way it is intended - something I'm sure every writer has to live with. In fact, not just every writer, but anyone communicating with another for that matter.
I cannot scold anyone who reads my blogs for interpreting, being an unprejudiced observer is one of the most difficult skills one could strive for in my opinion. Truth is, nobody can walk in anyone else's shoes. There are as many paths to ascension as there are people. Some travel on parallel roads and even if they look exactly the same, I do not believe that they are in fact the same. Neither is better than the other. Once ascension and enlightenment is reached, there isn't much to say anymore - there isn't much to proclaim, for one knows at that point of the value of the myriad of different paths and honors and respects each and every one of them. At no point of ascension one is better than the other. It's just different. The linearity of understanding, enforced and trained through the millennia of 3D lives is so strong that I am plenty willing to give it a fair amount of time before we can see a shift in this. I wonder, truly am very curious how humanity will communicate once the shift into the higher dimensions is fully achieved (will it ever be?).
I find it very important to repeat: any spot on any path towards ascension (and I believe we are all on "a" path one way or another) is a valid spot. It's a great spot to be, for it is the spot where anyone is now. Coming to this point of perspective, it is evident, that any and all judgment of where anyone is on their journey, which is sacred and ultimately totally unknown to anyone else other than the traveler alone, is but a moot point.
Mainly, when I read about topics that have to do with phenomena of "ascension" I get frustrated, for even if the writer (myself included) just describes something, there is that linearity, that polarity that is so inherent in our language, any language for that matter, unless we count the intuitive unintentional body language, which is possibly the purest form of communication for those able to read it.
I wonder, and have most certainly been caught by the same limitations, how other writers feel. Do they notice, that the very thing they feel so strongly about is being torn apart by the written word ? All a writer can do is hope that the reader senses the intent behind the words. Can we however truly assume that any writer has a full grasp on what they are trying to say ? No, I fear not. I risk with these words the judgment of those who feel that I too have not the full grasp of what I'm saying, and perhaps - well, most likely even - they are correct. The written language can be interpreted any which way. I have blogged for a number of months now, every day and have gotten feedback that clearly indicates that the material I presented was received through massive filters and was understood in a very distorted manner. (meaning - a lot different from what my writing was trying to convey). That's the risk, that's the sadness in writing and not being understood the way it is intended - something I'm sure every writer has to live with. In fact, not just every writer, but anyone communicating with another for that matter.
I cannot scold anyone who reads my blogs for interpreting, being an unprejudiced observer is one of the most difficult skills one could strive for in my opinion. Truth is, nobody can walk in anyone else's shoes. There are as many paths to ascension as there are people. Some travel on parallel roads and even if they look exactly the same, I do not believe that they are in fact the same. Neither is better than the other. Once ascension and enlightenment is reached, there isn't much to say anymore - there isn't much to proclaim, for one knows at that point of the value of the myriad of different paths and honors and respects each and every one of them. At no point of ascension one is better than the other. It's just different. The linearity of understanding, enforced and trained through the millennia of 3D lives is so strong that I am plenty willing to give it a fair amount of time before we can see a shift in this. I wonder, truly am very curious how humanity will communicate once the shift into the higher dimensions is fully achieved (will it ever be?).
I find it very important to repeat: any spot on any path towards ascension (and I believe we are all on "a" path one way or another) is a valid spot. It's a great spot to be, for it is the spot where anyone is now. Coming to this point of perspective, it is evident, that any and all judgment of where anyone is on their journey, which is sacred and ultimately totally unknown to anyone else other than the traveler alone, is but a moot point.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
What a Ride!
The journey towards ever greater awareness has brought me from the teenage perspective of a self-indulging sort of "Me" to a perspective, where "Me" almost does not exist. I say almost because the awareness I hold today isn't static, nor is it firm. It's a fluid sort of thing, where the limited, human, physical, ego-centered "I" and "Me" pop up every now and then and then the focus of consciousness shifts into the greater "I" and "Me", what I would call the Higher Self, but feel that it isn't even just that. There's more, ever more and the mind has a hard time expressing, sorting, making sense of it. Language, I find, is failing me greatly, but I will keep on trying to express it best I can.
In the greater sense of "I", I do not only hold awareness of my immediate situation, my physical body, my daily chores and all that jazz, but also feel, either sort of in the background, or sometimes more pronounced in the forefront that sense of vastness that goes beyond identification. Depending on what I focus on, I have a full sense of being the "field" of consciousness (not just being in it) that an activity seems to be linked to. If it is something that is highly emotionally charged, I will mercilessly feel the myriad of others who have emotions like fear, greed, selfishness, cut-throat "me first" sensations etc. If I focus on a different "topic", say peace and joyful play for instance, I will sense and be part of those who are residing in that plane of consciousness, even though in reality I am part of all of the planes of consciousness and the sparks residing in them all. It is my choice where I focus my attention. I've always known this to be true, but the latest energy shifts have provided me with a whole new understanding of this focusing business. Again, my thoughts are my tools for navigation and my ability to hold focus will determine how long I will reside wherever the focus is held. Nothing is "bad" per se, everything is allowed, it's like choosing which playground to go to, the one with the slide, or the one with the sandbox. Not the same experience in either, one possibly more messy than the other, but ultimately, my choice, my responsibility and thus my experience, even if I experience the whole consciousness field, even if that is one of the 3D consciousness fields, for they exist and will keep on existing, as energy will never cease to exist.
A 3D topic is on my mind these days, I play on a playground I've avoided for a long time. I feel inept playing there, clumsy. I feel every single emotion attached to that playground, whether it's my own or not, as if it were mine and it's taxing at best. As I play here in this 3D playground, I understand, that I could leave this playground at any time, yet the emotional experience in these lower frequencies seem to hook into residual places within my energy system where I "used to" feel that way a lot and it's so familiar to start that old program (mainly fear) up again. I feel like being thrown into a whirlpool and find myself paddling like crazy, yet with an underlying mischievous smirk on my imaginary energetic face, knowing full well, that it's all a game and "win or lose", it's an experience. A test perhaps, to see if I am going to be pulled under by the familiar draw of the old, or if I can find a place to grab hold of a higher frequency surfboard and ride the wave with the exhilarating sense of joy one finds while playing a wild game. What a ride!
In the greater sense of "I", I do not only hold awareness of my immediate situation, my physical body, my daily chores and all that jazz, but also feel, either sort of in the background, or sometimes more pronounced in the forefront that sense of vastness that goes beyond identification. Depending on what I focus on, I have a full sense of being the "field" of consciousness (not just being in it) that an activity seems to be linked to. If it is something that is highly emotionally charged, I will mercilessly feel the myriad of others who have emotions like fear, greed, selfishness, cut-throat "me first" sensations etc. If I focus on a different "topic", say peace and joyful play for instance, I will sense and be part of those who are residing in that plane of consciousness, even though in reality I am part of all of the planes of consciousness and the sparks residing in them all. It is my choice where I focus my attention. I've always known this to be true, but the latest energy shifts have provided me with a whole new understanding of this focusing business. Again, my thoughts are my tools for navigation and my ability to hold focus will determine how long I will reside wherever the focus is held. Nothing is "bad" per se, everything is allowed, it's like choosing which playground to go to, the one with the slide, or the one with the sandbox. Not the same experience in either, one possibly more messy than the other, but ultimately, my choice, my responsibility and thus my experience, even if I experience the whole consciousness field, even if that is one of the 3D consciousness fields, for they exist and will keep on existing, as energy will never cease to exist.
A 3D topic is on my mind these days, I play on a playground I've avoided for a long time. I feel inept playing there, clumsy. I feel every single emotion attached to that playground, whether it's my own or not, as if it were mine and it's taxing at best. As I play here in this 3D playground, I understand, that I could leave this playground at any time, yet the emotional experience in these lower frequencies seem to hook into residual places within my energy system where I "used to" feel that way a lot and it's so familiar to start that old program (mainly fear) up again. I feel like being thrown into a whirlpool and find myself paddling like crazy, yet with an underlying mischievous smirk on my imaginary energetic face, knowing full well, that it's all a game and "win or lose", it's an experience. A test perhaps, to see if I am going to be pulled under by the familiar draw of the old, or if I can find a place to grab hold of a higher frequency surfboard and ride the wave with the exhilarating sense of joy one finds while playing a wild game. What a ride!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Giving Back to Mother Earth
The Earth is putting us to the test. Floods, Bushfires, Storms, other unruly weather patterns have erupted and are in full force at this time. There are questions like "is this the armageddon"?. I do not know. All I feel is, that humanity is being put to the test. Have we reached enough "heartspace" to reside in it fully and send all the areas that are being pummeled at this time energetic support?
Of course there are voices that speak of "this is but the cleansing". or "the Earth knows what she is up to". That may even be accurate, but does humanity know what it could be up to ? I fear not quite. We have long since begun believing in the illusion that we hold very little or no power at all, that we are too small and weak, but this is so far from the actual truth. I suggest getting active from wherever you reside, you can select a piece of music, that helps you to open the heart chakra if you need that kind of assistance.
Allow then your heart energy to pour out, visualize with all your might that the areas where disaster has struck are engulfed in this light. If this visualization is not working for you, bring in the crystal grid, the energy grid of crystalline energy that is in place and envelops the planet. See this grid of blue/white energy in geometric pattern. Do not worry to "get it right". Visualize this with your heart wide open and you will perhaps be guided further, or you could then see the energetic connection from the stars to the Earth, from the pink crystal to the blue crystal in the energetic center of our Mother Earth and focus your love for all that is into this visualization.
This will instantly make a "light worker" out of you, for you work with light when you do this! If you do not care for this title, that's fine too, then you're just helping the Earth ascend, which isn't a small feat at all.
It is time that we thus band our collective powers together and keep helping the Earth transform along with us. She has carried us for millennia, she has given unconditionally and now, it's time to give back.
Of course there are voices that speak of "this is but the cleansing". or "the Earth knows what she is up to". That may even be accurate, but does humanity know what it could be up to ? I fear not quite. We have long since begun believing in the illusion that we hold very little or no power at all, that we are too small and weak, but this is so far from the actual truth. I suggest getting active from wherever you reside, you can select a piece of music, that helps you to open the heart chakra if you need that kind of assistance.
Allow then your heart energy to pour out, visualize with all your might that the areas where disaster has struck are engulfed in this light. If this visualization is not working for you, bring in the crystal grid, the energy grid of crystalline energy that is in place and envelops the planet. See this grid of blue/white energy in geometric pattern. Do not worry to "get it right". Visualize this with your heart wide open and you will perhaps be guided further, or you could then see the energetic connection from the stars to the Earth, from the pink crystal to the blue crystal in the energetic center of our Mother Earth and focus your love for all that is into this visualization.
This will instantly make a "light worker" out of you, for you work with light when you do this! If you do not care for this title, that's fine too, then you're just helping the Earth ascend, which isn't a small feat at all.
It is time that we thus band our collective powers together and keep helping the Earth transform along with us. She has carried us for millennia, she has given unconditionally and now, it's time to give back.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Monetary Abundance, Part III "Greed"
It was but a natural occurrence for me when an opportunity to invest some money came my way, after all, this topic has interested me for quite a while now and since the monetary flow is nice and strong, fluid, but almost solely in the direction of "outward bound", I feel the universe is still presenting me with some learning. Anyways, I took the opportunity as it was presented, rather spontaneously and went against every ounce of my being by investing some money, that I might well loose altogether. The invested amount wasn't that big really, so in the greater scheme of things, win or loose it won't matter. So that wasn't the issue.
All day long, I felt a nagging fear in my gut. I couldn't quite explain it. After all, I had lost more money back in the stock market crash of October 1987 than I ever care to lose, a lesson which taught me to fully abdictate from greed or greedy thoughts, along with being a full cure of the fear of losing money. True, I'm a horrible gambler, numbers confuse me daily (how did I ever get through maths?) and I really have no business investing the money I've planned to spend on more basic things like food... or the eventual unforeseen expense like maintenance for my solar water heater or something of the sort.
Anyways, at the click of the mouse button, I've committed to this investment and for better or worse I'm in it. In the world of investors. It energetically pulled me into the vibe this whole thing carries. Needless to say, it isn't a very pleasant vibe. Actually, it's that unpleasant that I don't even want to feel it, less still be part of it. It wasn't greed that got me to click "yes". That much I know. It was curiosity, a "why not go with the flow" sort of feeling. Still, feeling this vibe and the nagging fear in my gut, that was taxing. But then I thought, ok, this is as part of the human experience as anything else I've experienced so far and I faced that sensation in my Solar Plexus, bid it to show itself and it did.
The very thing that I've sporadically been accused of (needless to say, that accusation bewildered me more than make me angry, but it always triggered a reaction in me) stared me in the face. I was fearing to be greedy, to become greedy.
I admit, in my head at some point there were schemes of what to do with taxes, should this investment really pan out, but I've found my heart when I came to but one possible generous point of, it's all a gift, so it's ok to give whatever taxes are due with a heart filled with joy. That propelled me straight into my heart space and from there, I was able to embrace, that today's lesson is not only one about monetary abundance, but also one about becoming fully human, something I've struggled with as you might have read in past posts. Yes, as a human being, I am not beyond the idea of greed, nor selfishness when it comes to money. That doesn't mean I have to really express money matters that way, but I do have to fully embrace this potential, for it is part of being human, and apparently, human I am.
All day long, I felt a nagging fear in my gut. I couldn't quite explain it. After all, I had lost more money back in the stock market crash of October 1987 than I ever care to lose, a lesson which taught me to fully abdictate from greed or greedy thoughts, along with being a full cure of the fear of losing money. True, I'm a horrible gambler, numbers confuse me daily (how did I ever get through maths?) and I really have no business investing the money I've planned to spend on more basic things like food... or the eventual unforeseen expense like maintenance for my solar water heater or something of the sort.
Anyways, at the click of the mouse button, I've committed to this investment and for better or worse I'm in it. In the world of investors. It energetically pulled me into the vibe this whole thing carries. Needless to say, it isn't a very pleasant vibe. Actually, it's that unpleasant that I don't even want to feel it, less still be part of it. It wasn't greed that got me to click "yes". That much I know. It was curiosity, a "why not go with the flow" sort of feeling. Still, feeling this vibe and the nagging fear in my gut, that was taxing. But then I thought, ok, this is as part of the human experience as anything else I've experienced so far and I faced that sensation in my Solar Plexus, bid it to show itself and it did.
The very thing that I've sporadically been accused of (needless to say, that accusation bewildered me more than make me angry, but it always triggered a reaction in me) stared me in the face. I was fearing to be greedy, to become greedy.
I admit, in my head at some point there were schemes of what to do with taxes, should this investment really pan out, but I've found my heart when I came to but one possible generous point of, it's all a gift, so it's ok to give whatever taxes are due with a heart filled with joy. That propelled me straight into my heart space and from there, I was able to embrace, that today's lesson is not only one about monetary abundance, but also one about becoming fully human, something I've struggled with as you might have read in past posts. Yes, as a human being, I am not beyond the idea of greed, nor selfishness when it comes to money. That doesn't mean I have to really express money matters that way, but I do have to fully embrace this potential, for it is part of being human, and apparently, human I am.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Waves
There are countless methods, countless paths, countless ideas on how it's done this business of getting "enlightened". Books fill the shelves in homes, bookstores, even libraries - these books often claim to guide one to THE place, to know THE way.
During these last few days, the 3D pull has been quite intense in my experience. People have insisted on being right again. Others have claimed that this or that isn't the way it is. Messages that are meant for the person receiving them are being touted as messages for the broad masses. I feel that time hasn't arrived yet for the higher dimension(s) to stay. The waves of frequency vibrations go back and forth still, and quite possibly always will. The pull back into the concepts of solar plexus, of competition, of pitching one thing against the next have their purpose I'm sure. Whether we wish to dip into the things we have courageously said good bye to, once more to get entangled in the tentacles of the old paradigm isn't something to judge. It's a dance that is as individual as is nothing else here on Earth. Would you judge a dancer who is fond of Viennese Waltz, when you are dancing Hip Hop ? I don't think so. Thus is the to and fro of the old paradigm that entices some souls to dance in the old fashioned ways one more time, perhaps even the last time for some.
As I have blogged a number of times already, judgment brings strife, makes peace impossible. We can observe, we can even speak of what we observe, but we should not judge and if we find that we do judge, we could in the best case scenario at least be conscious that we are dancing in the old fashioned ways. That too is allowed. The next wave that breaks onto the beaches of the new paradigm will bring us there to try out the new steps of the newer dances, while we cherish the old that we have traveled through for so many life times. All is as it is supposed to be - all perspectives, all viewpoints and all experiences are allowed. To share them is only enriching as we navigate the waves and dance through these times of change.
During these last few days, the 3D pull has been quite intense in my experience. People have insisted on being right again. Others have claimed that this or that isn't the way it is. Messages that are meant for the person receiving them are being touted as messages for the broad masses. I feel that time hasn't arrived yet for the higher dimension(s) to stay. The waves of frequency vibrations go back and forth still, and quite possibly always will. The pull back into the concepts of solar plexus, of competition, of pitching one thing against the next have their purpose I'm sure. Whether we wish to dip into the things we have courageously said good bye to, once more to get entangled in the tentacles of the old paradigm isn't something to judge. It's a dance that is as individual as is nothing else here on Earth. Would you judge a dancer who is fond of Viennese Waltz, when you are dancing Hip Hop ? I don't think so. Thus is the to and fro of the old paradigm that entices some souls to dance in the old fashioned ways one more time, perhaps even the last time for some.
As I have blogged a number of times already, judgment brings strife, makes peace impossible. We can observe, we can even speak of what we observe, but we should not judge and if we find that we do judge, we could in the best case scenario at least be conscious that we are dancing in the old fashioned ways. That too is allowed. The next wave that breaks onto the beaches of the new paradigm will bring us there to try out the new steps of the newer dances, while we cherish the old that we have traveled through for so many life times. All is as it is supposed to be - all perspectives, all viewpoints and all experiences are allowed. To share them is only enriching as we navigate the waves and dance through these times of change.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Bare Necessitites
I have just barely given myself the go-ahead to peek out from underneath my protective covers when the next challenge stared straight at my face. There was nothing really in the physical realm to trigger this challenge at this specific moment, other than my own inner knowing that "it's time" to embark on the search of what I hope and guess is one of my last big hurdles. The integration into my physical form.
I've had this thought upon waking up and it hasn't let me go yet. It is everywhere I look. I am so sorely aware that I'm in a place that reeks so utterly of "beginner" that I have hardly the courage to speak of it. I do so anyways, mainly because it makes it so beautifully relevant for me and there's no cowardly denial or backing out possible. Hah! Gotcha!
Alright, I'm nailed to the issue here. The problem is, I have no clue what it would mean to integrate myself into the physical form. At least not consciously, so what's left is that I use what gifts, talents and knowledge I have and light the fire to burn from the top down, by burning high up which will cause embers to drop and form that foundation. (I have built real fires like this and some have actually managed to burn just fine - others lacked fuel at the bottom and went out.)
Truth is, until this day, I've sailed by, only partially using my physical body and compensating a whole lot on the energetic side of things. I admire folks who seem to have come with this love for anything earthly and the ability to dig in the ground and bring forth plants. Some plants grow in my garden, but they are mainly the ones that grow best when you ignore them. Those that require more attention and care ...well.... I just have adjusted and not planted them, just another way to avoid the issue I guess. No matter, it wasn't time to take this last hurdle which is the first for most others. Now, however, it seems to meet me wherever I look, no matter how I try to sidestep it. I'm cornered, it's here and in the background I hear the song "Bare Necessities" which seems to be comfortingly fitting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKzvC-Pz_Hs&feature=related
One of the embers has dropped - I think I like this hint and will go dancing barefoot for a while...
I've had this thought upon waking up and it hasn't let me go yet. It is everywhere I look. I am so sorely aware that I'm in a place that reeks so utterly of "beginner" that I have hardly the courage to speak of it. I do so anyways, mainly because it makes it so beautifully relevant for me and there's no cowardly denial or backing out possible. Hah! Gotcha!
Alright, I'm nailed to the issue here. The problem is, I have no clue what it would mean to integrate myself into the physical form. At least not consciously, so what's left is that I use what gifts, talents and knowledge I have and light the fire to burn from the top down, by burning high up which will cause embers to drop and form that foundation. (I have built real fires like this and some have actually managed to burn just fine - others lacked fuel at the bottom and went out.)
Truth is, until this day, I've sailed by, only partially using my physical body and compensating a whole lot on the energetic side of things. I admire folks who seem to have come with this love for anything earthly and the ability to dig in the ground and bring forth plants. Some plants grow in my garden, but they are mainly the ones that grow best when you ignore them. Those that require more attention and care ...well.... I just have adjusted and not planted them, just another way to avoid the issue I guess. No matter, it wasn't time to take this last hurdle which is the first for most others. Now, however, it seems to meet me wherever I look, no matter how I try to sidestep it. I'm cornered, it's here and in the background I hear the song "Bare Necessities" which seems to be comfortingly fitting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKzvC-Pz_Hs&feature=related
One of the embers has dropped - I think I like this hint and will go dancing barefoot for a while...
Friday, January 7, 2011
Exhaustion
Some days, like today are meant to show that we have our limits here in the physical realm. I certainly am finding myself no better than when I woke up this morning - utterly exhausted. I have obviously been busy again in the other realms. Those are the days when thinking is a chore, any physical activity almost beyond my capabilities, even the tiniest things present themselves as near insurmountable obstacles. I have the luxury to give in and be this vulnerable, this weak. I have that luxury, yet I find myself still fighting the inevitable: "today is an utterly non-productive day!" Even "producing" this blog is a stretch. But I am committed, and even though thinking is difficult, I write this down so that others may feel a bit less alone if they go through days like these.
I believe these are the days where one opportunity is often missed. The opportunity to learn to ask for help. I have a long standing thing where asking for help is nearly impossible. After all, I'm fully capable, pretty much in anything my life demands of me and if I'm not, I'll find out how !... Today, is not one of my more glorious days, today I feel vulnerable beyond belief. Other than giving in, asking for help where needed, admitting these moments of vulnerability to oneself at least, if not to a trusted loved one I have no remedy to "fix" these states of exhaustion other than taking naps, drinking lots of fresh water and giving myself time to recover from whatever it is I am recovering from.
Each person experiencing these energetically exhaustive states will have their own way of dealing with them. One thing that always helps me is turning to the arts. I listen to music that soothes and nourishes me and I look at things that my eye calls beautiful. In that, I give myself permission to be pampered, to take a break, to just be, exhausted and all, still and sacred in the capacity of my own heart.
I believe these are the days where one opportunity is often missed. The opportunity to learn to ask for help. I have a long standing thing where asking for help is nearly impossible. After all, I'm fully capable, pretty much in anything my life demands of me and if I'm not, I'll find out how !... Today, is not one of my more glorious days, today I feel vulnerable beyond belief. Other than giving in, asking for help where needed, admitting these moments of vulnerability to oneself at least, if not to a trusted loved one I have no remedy to "fix" these states of exhaustion other than taking naps, drinking lots of fresh water and giving myself time to recover from whatever it is I am recovering from.
Each person experiencing these energetically exhaustive states will have their own way of dealing with them. One thing that always helps me is turning to the arts. I listen to music that soothes and nourishes me and I look at things that my eye calls beautiful. In that, I give myself permission to be pampered, to take a break, to just be, exhausted and all, still and sacred in the capacity of my own heart.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Upside Down
This is the story of a soul who had a "great idea".
One moment, in full blazing beautiful light, there was a spark who had frolicked in the spaces of sweetness long enough to feel the call to craft a new incarnation down on the planet Gaia. She was so excited, that her energies fluctuated wildly and her innate song burst out all over the place. The advisory committee was smiling knowingly. This was a phenomenon that happened so often. These souls, young and old, just got so excited over the prospect of a new opportunity to experience physicality.
This time around, the projections for the planned incarnation was into the time of the great shift on Earth and that was a privilege that this particular soul had earned with many previously successful experiences in physical form. It was quite a special job that this person would have to do. It was quite a big incarnation. Nothing to do with the worldly idea of big, like money or fame, but big in the sense of what it would mean for the Earth and the ascension process which was planned and layed out in detail. The soul had volunteered to be part of it. She had jumped so eagerly at the opportunity that she had to hold herself back a bit. The pair of Advisors layed out the blueprint before that soul and the discussions began. Some things got added, others dropped. It was still unclear, who would be the birth family, and what would be the suitable astrological chart to complement the blueprint's intentions. Then, the excitement of the soul simmered down. She became rather sad, worried that she would be bored with yet another incarnation where things just were the same. She wanted something different, something challenging, something that perhaps had never been done before. She got really creative. No, she didn't want just different bits and pieces of the blueprint to be challenging and different, she wanted the whole incarnation to be different from all others she had ever done. The Advisors took a while to think what could be done. They couldn't find anything really. It was all set up the right way, the way it always was being set up for an expression in a physical body. The rules had to be observed, the matrix of energies had a certain way of fitting into the whole. There was the experience of ascension to integrate into the whole, where the chakras, the energy centers on the phsyical body would have to be "worked through" bottom up - Base first, it made a lot of sense that way. The Advisors just didn't see a way to make things more challenging. All plans were in place to clear any and all karma - that took some doing already and promised quite a few dramatic twists in the play. Frankly, the Advisors thought this was a splendid incarnation, everything was accounted for, they were ready to find a suitable family and a baby's projected birth chart to complete the jump.
The soul's heart energy became very sad. She knew it would be something rather boring again. She hated boredom. That was something she just couldn't stand for very long. Idleness and boredom. There had to be something to create - something that had not been attempted before. She thought long and hard about what could be done with these blueprints that were so perfect in all aspects. She played the planned scenarios through within her consciousness and being a master of polar things, she had the perfect idea - or so she thought.
"Why don't I just incarnate upside down?" she cried. The Advisors heard her and took a while to grasp what she meant to do. Incarnate upside down? Every person is incarnating the right side up - that means, they work the base first and move on to the sacral chakra, then the solar plexus, the heart, the throat, the third eye - the crown. Those are the 7 stations of development that an incarnation goes through, each and every attempt at a life time. It dawned on the Advisors what this dear soul had in mind. To incarnate upside down had been attempted, in different ways, but never really lead to anything more than severe hardship. In the physical world, you should build a foundation first, connect with the land, the mother - then work your way up to the heavens. This soul wanted to hang from the heavens and arrive on Earth at the moment of full enlightenment. At first, the Advisors were rather stunned by this proposal. But, it was a volunteer soul. A highly developed soul who didn't have to incarnate any longer, who had just chosen to volunteer for a highly specific job involving the crystal grid that was supposed to be installed around the Planet, to facilitate the actual ascension of the planetary body and all beings on the planet. That was a massive task and many souls were either not trained properly in the task or just had no interest in taking it on. To find a volunteer like this was great luck ! Anything, well, almost anything would be granted to this soul. The Advisors projected that the very task this soul was sent to Earth for was in jeopardy of not getting done, because of the irrationality of incarnating upside down - going through the chakra work in reverse order that is. Crown first, ...Base last.
The soul insisted, made it a real condition and decided that all support needed to be in place so that survival was guaranteed until the base chakra work could be completed, which was going to be later in life from the incarnation's point of view. The Advisors who are advisors because they project possibilities and see potential outcomes, warned this soul that this would be a set-up that was going to be so sorely misunderstood by any teachers, spiritual leaders, anyone who could potentially be of support along the way. It was simply unchartered territory, yet that simple fact of turning this whole experience upside down also excited the Advisors by now. New experiences are always welcomed.
Next, a suitable body had to be found, a family who would guarantee not only the karmic clearance that the soul had planned, but also the support system for simple and basic survival in the physical world. This incarnation would not count on having the integration of the base chakra until later in life and she would have to eat and live nonetheless.
A family was found, it was the perfect family, some members of it were well known to this soul. She made contracts with those souls and so it came that a baby girl was born with the perfect natal chart, lots of air to hang from the heavens, quite a bit of water for intuition and visioning, and fire to be able to take action and most importantly, a simple lack of grounding through a lack of personal influences in the element earth. So the exciting upside down journey began....
(to be continued)
One moment, in full blazing beautiful light, there was a spark who had frolicked in the spaces of sweetness long enough to feel the call to craft a new incarnation down on the planet Gaia. She was so excited, that her energies fluctuated wildly and her innate song burst out all over the place. The advisory committee was smiling knowingly. This was a phenomenon that happened so often. These souls, young and old, just got so excited over the prospect of a new opportunity to experience physicality.
This time around, the projections for the planned incarnation was into the time of the great shift on Earth and that was a privilege that this particular soul had earned with many previously successful experiences in physical form. It was quite a special job that this person would have to do. It was quite a big incarnation. Nothing to do with the worldly idea of big, like money or fame, but big in the sense of what it would mean for the Earth and the ascension process which was planned and layed out in detail. The soul had volunteered to be part of it. She had jumped so eagerly at the opportunity that she had to hold herself back a bit. The pair of Advisors layed out the blueprint before that soul and the discussions began. Some things got added, others dropped. It was still unclear, who would be the birth family, and what would be the suitable astrological chart to complement the blueprint's intentions. Then, the excitement of the soul simmered down. She became rather sad, worried that she would be bored with yet another incarnation where things just were the same. She wanted something different, something challenging, something that perhaps had never been done before. She got really creative. No, she didn't want just different bits and pieces of the blueprint to be challenging and different, she wanted the whole incarnation to be different from all others she had ever done. The Advisors took a while to think what could be done. They couldn't find anything really. It was all set up the right way, the way it always was being set up for an expression in a physical body. The rules had to be observed, the matrix of energies had a certain way of fitting into the whole. There was the experience of ascension to integrate into the whole, where the chakras, the energy centers on the phsyical body would have to be "worked through" bottom up - Base first, it made a lot of sense that way. The Advisors just didn't see a way to make things more challenging. All plans were in place to clear any and all karma - that took some doing already and promised quite a few dramatic twists in the play. Frankly, the Advisors thought this was a splendid incarnation, everything was accounted for, they were ready to find a suitable family and a baby's projected birth chart to complete the jump.
The soul's heart energy became very sad. She knew it would be something rather boring again. She hated boredom. That was something she just couldn't stand for very long. Idleness and boredom. There had to be something to create - something that had not been attempted before. She thought long and hard about what could be done with these blueprints that were so perfect in all aspects. She played the planned scenarios through within her consciousness and being a master of polar things, she had the perfect idea - or so she thought.
"Why don't I just incarnate upside down?" she cried. The Advisors heard her and took a while to grasp what she meant to do. Incarnate upside down? Every person is incarnating the right side up - that means, they work the base first and move on to the sacral chakra, then the solar plexus, the heart, the throat, the third eye - the crown. Those are the 7 stations of development that an incarnation goes through, each and every attempt at a life time. It dawned on the Advisors what this dear soul had in mind. To incarnate upside down had been attempted, in different ways, but never really lead to anything more than severe hardship. In the physical world, you should build a foundation first, connect with the land, the mother - then work your way up to the heavens. This soul wanted to hang from the heavens and arrive on Earth at the moment of full enlightenment. At first, the Advisors were rather stunned by this proposal. But, it was a volunteer soul. A highly developed soul who didn't have to incarnate any longer, who had just chosen to volunteer for a highly specific job involving the crystal grid that was supposed to be installed around the Planet, to facilitate the actual ascension of the planetary body and all beings on the planet. That was a massive task and many souls were either not trained properly in the task or just had no interest in taking it on. To find a volunteer like this was great luck ! Anything, well, almost anything would be granted to this soul. The Advisors projected that the very task this soul was sent to Earth for was in jeopardy of not getting done, because of the irrationality of incarnating upside down - going through the chakra work in reverse order that is. Crown first, ...Base last.
The soul insisted, made it a real condition and decided that all support needed to be in place so that survival was guaranteed until the base chakra work could be completed, which was going to be later in life from the incarnation's point of view. The Advisors who are advisors because they project possibilities and see potential outcomes, warned this soul that this would be a set-up that was going to be so sorely misunderstood by any teachers, spiritual leaders, anyone who could potentially be of support along the way. It was simply unchartered territory, yet that simple fact of turning this whole experience upside down also excited the Advisors by now. New experiences are always welcomed.
Next, a suitable body had to be found, a family who would guarantee not only the karmic clearance that the soul had planned, but also the support system for simple and basic survival in the physical world. This incarnation would not count on having the integration of the base chakra until later in life and she would have to eat and live nonetheless.
A family was found, it was the perfect family, some members of it were well known to this soul. She made contracts with those souls and so it came that a baby girl was born with the perfect natal chart, lots of air to hang from the heavens, quite a bit of water for intuition and visioning, and fire to be able to take action and most importantly, a simple lack of grounding through a lack of personal influences in the element earth. So the exciting upside down journey began....
(to be continued)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Clearing
One thing is for certain, the new influx of intense energy vibrations since the solar eclipse is most certainly shining a very beautiful light - right onto what all needs to be cleared still. I've been drawn again to live out this process not only on the inner planes, but alas, found myself again on all four's scrubbing, rinsing, cleaning ...
Inside the turmoil is great, the memories rather fresh. I have carried a signature of betrayal within along with the denial that I would ever be capable of betraying another. Needless to say, the mirror did it's job, I'm duly humbled and without going into the depth of the story, the drama, I would like to express myself with this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zsvf-2cCGXE&feature=related
Enya - Marble Halls
I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls
With vassals and serfs at my side,
And of all who assembled within those walls
That I was the hope and the pride.
I had riches all too great to count
And a high ancestral name.
But I also dreamt which pleased me most
That you loved me still the same,
That you loved me
You loved me still the same,
That you loved me
You loved me still the same.
I dreamt that suitors sought my hand,
That knights upon bended knee
And with vows no maiden's heart could withstand,
They pledged their faith to me.
And I dreamt that one of that noble host
Came forth my hand to claim.
But I also dreamt which charmed me most
That you loved me still the same
That you loved me
You loved me still the same,
That you loved me
You loved me still the same.
Inside the turmoil is great, the memories rather fresh. I have carried a signature of betrayal within along with the denial that I would ever be capable of betraying another. Needless to say, the mirror did it's job, I'm duly humbled and without going into the depth of the story, the drama, I would like to express myself with this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zsvf-2cCGXE&feature=related
Enya - Marble Halls
I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls
With vassals and serfs at my side,
And of all who assembled within those walls
That I was the hope and the pride.
I had riches all too great to count
And a high ancestral name.
But I also dreamt which pleased me most
That you loved me still the same,
That you loved me
You loved me still the same,
That you loved me
You loved me still the same.
I dreamt that suitors sought my hand,
That knights upon bended knee
And with vows no maiden's heart could withstand,
They pledged their faith to me.
And I dreamt that one of that noble host
Came forth my hand to claim.
But I also dreamt which charmed me most
That you loved me still the same
That you loved me
You loved me still the same,
That you loved me
You loved me still the same.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Vibrational Distortions
Today I had an experience that was downright a bit freaky. I realized this morning that I was klutzier than normal with frying pans flying off the kitchen counter and such stuff, just because I had not truly gauged the distance from my elbow to the pan's handles. I've got a long (really long!) history of stumbling across thresholds, falling on my nose, stepping onto my own toes, walking into corners of hallways, posts or door frames and I always suspected that this did not have that much to do with the astigmatism in my eyes, but more with me not fully being in my physical body (whatever that means, for I don't think I've ever really been there).
It seems that today's sensation of feeling a bit "removed" goes right along with this state of not being in synch with my physical body. It is as if the energy bodies are running ahead a bit. It's never been a fully functional unit, I admit and it has given me many troubles in the past. Today's klutziness however was more than I am used to. I couldn't hold stuff in my hands without it tumbling to the floor as if I had grabbed a hand full of sand. It wasn't even palpable. I felt the substance the stuff I tried to hold was made of, but just not quite and it almost became alive in my hands. Given, I am a rather uncoordinated person. I have not quite mastered my gross motor skills yet, (I do knit very well though, so fine motor may be ok).
Needless to say, it was in public and it was rather embarrassing to me to be seen trying to hold a few items and have them fall, or rather jump out of my hands, then pick them up to just have the same thing happen to me again seconds later. I was really glad when my daughter took pity on me and grabbed the items from my hands. She held them just fine in her significantly smaller hands, so it couldn't possibly have been awkward shapes or the likes.
This incident made me reflect on the whole experience a bit. What if it wasn't just my clumsiness that I've always known to possess? What if this was another sign of residing in a different frequency, where things are just not quite in synch with where the rest of the world seems to operate? I think the likelihood of this being at least partially true is very great. I can only try to explain that situation of losing the grip on the items, or better explained, of not quite getting a firm enough grip on the items so that they would stay in my hands. It most definitely looked to my mind's eye as if the fabric, the frequency of matter just wasn't as dense anymore - or the spaces between the items rather. I could see the gaps and feel that I was not in the same vibrational frequency as the material things I tried to hold. My kid obviously was just fine with it.
Here is how it looked to me: The items were clearly visible, as always giving me the impression that they are real, 3D and all. The space between the items had a sound. Normally, I do not perceive a sound between things. This time, I recognized this sound and there was a sense of it being tangible fabric, not just "air". It was almost gel-like. As I remember it, it had no color, but it did have gel-like bubbles. It was permeable, but not as stable as I am used to it being. This description seems to be describing the opposite effect, "air" being more stable than gel-like substance, but it is not that way. The "air" between things of matter has a very defined and clear edge to it. It's stable in that it is like a lattice of clear energy. What I saw was like a broken down version of this clear, crisp lattice that made the borders between items less clear and more slippery. This gets really weird, as I'm trying to explain it, so I'm going to stop and just let this experience be noted for further reference, as I believe that there may be more such "wobbles" in my perception in the next 2 years and beyond.
Interestingly enough, this phenomenon stopped once I came back into my own home, my space, my frequency.
It seems that today's sensation of feeling a bit "removed" goes right along with this state of not being in synch with my physical body. It is as if the energy bodies are running ahead a bit. It's never been a fully functional unit, I admit and it has given me many troubles in the past. Today's klutziness however was more than I am used to. I couldn't hold stuff in my hands without it tumbling to the floor as if I had grabbed a hand full of sand. It wasn't even palpable. I felt the substance the stuff I tried to hold was made of, but just not quite and it almost became alive in my hands. Given, I am a rather uncoordinated person. I have not quite mastered my gross motor skills yet, (I do knit very well though, so fine motor may be ok).
Needless to say, it was in public and it was rather embarrassing to me to be seen trying to hold a few items and have them fall, or rather jump out of my hands, then pick them up to just have the same thing happen to me again seconds later. I was really glad when my daughter took pity on me and grabbed the items from my hands. She held them just fine in her significantly smaller hands, so it couldn't possibly have been awkward shapes or the likes.
This incident made me reflect on the whole experience a bit. What if it wasn't just my clumsiness that I've always known to possess? What if this was another sign of residing in a different frequency, where things are just not quite in synch with where the rest of the world seems to operate? I think the likelihood of this being at least partially true is very great. I can only try to explain that situation of losing the grip on the items, or better explained, of not quite getting a firm enough grip on the items so that they would stay in my hands. It most definitely looked to my mind's eye as if the fabric, the frequency of matter just wasn't as dense anymore - or the spaces between the items rather. I could see the gaps and feel that I was not in the same vibrational frequency as the material things I tried to hold. My kid obviously was just fine with it.
Here is how it looked to me: The items were clearly visible, as always giving me the impression that they are real, 3D and all. The space between the items had a sound. Normally, I do not perceive a sound between things. This time, I recognized this sound and there was a sense of it being tangible fabric, not just "air". It was almost gel-like. As I remember it, it had no color, but it did have gel-like bubbles. It was permeable, but not as stable as I am used to it being. This description seems to be describing the opposite effect, "air" being more stable than gel-like substance, but it is not that way. The "air" between things of matter has a very defined and clear edge to it. It's stable in that it is like a lattice of clear energy. What I saw was like a broken down version of this clear, crisp lattice that made the borders between items less clear and more slippery. This gets really weird, as I'm trying to explain it, so I'm going to stop and just let this experience be noted for further reference, as I believe that there may be more such "wobbles" in my perception in the next 2 years and beyond.
Interestingly enough, this phenomenon stopped once I came back into my own home, my space, my frequency.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Holding the Frequency
I had been plagued with extreme states of exhaustion. Mainly after "exposure" to the 3D world out there. In order to bridge the gap between my own vibratory frequency and the one of the folks "out there", I had done what I had gotten used to very early in life. I had dialed down into "their" radio station in order to feel that I am a part of them. (That was the child's view of things).
This was a very necessary strategy back when I was growing up, for otherwise I would not have been able to be a part of this world and the exciting experiences at all. For the last 2 years however, I found that this dialing down business wasn't working any longer. Well, it was working, but there was a price to pay - these states of exhaustion creeped up on me more and more always after having been "out there" among people. I figured it was just my slightly autistic streak that just made me not want to be among many people, but that didn't quite fit what my intuition told me.
A while back, maybe a year ago, I had come to the decision that dialing down just wasn't it any longer. If people were wanting to share my energy, they just simply had to dial up. I was bold in this assumption and found myself doing what I had trained myself so strongly - I kept dialing down my own vibration. It was as if I couldn't control this thing. So I paid the price and after each trip to the outside world stayed at home for hours to recuperate and get back into my own comfy frequency.
So just a few weeks ago, I've taken a new attempt at this. I have decided to remain steadfast, I had intended to hold my frequency no matter what other frequencies I would encounter and I have observed the patterns of my own frequency very closely to stop myself from dialing down. Thus I've learned to remain in my frequency and all my ideas of how it would isolate me from others did just not come to pass. They were wrong assumptions, distorted ideas of mine. I found that I was still able to interact with people, actually with a lot more ease than before when I had actually distorted my own frequency to match theirs.
The blessing in being stubborn and remaining in my frequency is that I manage to come home after my "outings" and I don't have to spend hours finding my groove again. I have no feelings of "why couldn't I do this earlier?", for I believe that dialing down was part of how I was supposed to live, if not for those around me, at least for me to gain a clearer understanding of frequencies and how to handle them. All I needed to be successful was enough stubbornness and keen awareness to hold myself back when that dialing down process wanted to start up each time I went outside among people. Now, I march through the stores, heart wide open, blissful smile on my face, getting my shopping done just the same. I actually get more smiles and yearning looks than I ever have before and spreading love throughout the masses, feels just like the thing to do.
This was a very necessary strategy back when I was growing up, for otherwise I would not have been able to be a part of this world and the exciting experiences at all. For the last 2 years however, I found that this dialing down business wasn't working any longer. Well, it was working, but there was a price to pay - these states of exhaustion creeped up on me more and more always after having been "out there" among people. I figured it was just my slightly autistic streak that just made me not want to be among many people, but that didn't quite fit what my intuition told me.
A while back, maybe a year ago, I had come to the decision that dialing down just wasn't it any longer. If people were wanting to share my energy, they just simply had to dial up. I was bold in this assumption and found myself doing what I had trained myself so strongly - I kept dialing down my own vibration. It was as if I couldn't control this thing. So I paid the price and after each trip to the outside world stayed at home for hours to recuperate and get back into my own comfy frequency.
So just a few weeks ago, I've taken a new attempt at this. I have decided to remain steadfast, I had intended to hold my frequency no matter what other frequencies I would encounter and I have observed the patterns of my own frequency very closely to stop myself from dialing down. Thus I've learned to remain in my frequency and all my ideas of how it would isolate me from others did just not come to pass. They were wrong assumptions, distorted ideas of mine. I found that I was still able to interact with people, actually with a lot more ease than before when I had actually distorted my own frequency to match theirs.
The blessing in being stubborn and remaining in my frequency is that I manage to come home after my "outings" and I don't have to spend hours finding my groove again. I have no feelings of "why couldn't I do this earlier?", for I believe that dialing down was part of how I was supposed to live, if not for those around me, at least for me to gain a clearer understanding of frequencies and how to handle them. All I needed to be successful was enough stubbornness and keen awareness to hold myself back when that dialing down process wanted to start up each time I went outside among people. Now, I march through the stores, heart wide open, blissful smile on my face, getting my shopping done just the same. I actually get more smiles and yearning looks than I ever have before and spreading love throughout the masses, feels just like the thing to do.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Pet Peeves
I've got nothing better to do today, than to look at something leftover for me to clear out. It is this urge to clear, clean, make room that lead me to this moment. I'm sure there's a few things in my make-up that could stand a good clearing, but my attention is drawn to one of those things that are labeled "pet peeves". Pet peeve is defined as: "Something about which one frequently complains; a particular personal vexation.". One characteristic of a pet peeve is, that it's rather personal, that means others may not feel the way I do about certain things and feel that it's quite easy to live when people do what they do that so irks me.
As I have grown more and more free within, I have let go of many critique worthy things that I have observed in my environment. I have grown more compassionate and accepting. One thing, perhaps my main pet peeve still has a stronghold though and today is a good day to do away with it, as I've just nurtured this place of irk-dom within me, perhaps to keep having some reason to get huffed up and have a dramatic reaction within myself. At this point, the tedium of having this pet peeve and keeping it alive outweighs the loss of drama it's disappearance would most certainly bring.
OK - here it goes: My main pet peeve is "ignorance". I absolutely go bunkers within when I'm faced with ignorant people. Ignorance is defined as: "The condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed."
Upon seeing through the woven fabric of my pet peeve, I see that it has been waving it's mirrored flag at my face for years. I've successfully been ignorant of it !.... This moment makes me break into a big fat grin - I do love word games! It's hilarious, it's refreshing that I don't have to uphold my ever so pompous allknowingness any longer to maintain this pet peeve. It's ok to focus on certain topics and not on others. I know that, have known that all along, but my own inner standards for myself were out of proportion, therefore I had created this pet peeve that kept me out of balance and at the same time signaled this imbalance to me ever so forcefully. I feel its hold on me diminish as I honestly take a look at it and untangle myself from it's hold. Accept, integrate and skip on happily to the next task, no need to dwell.
As I have grown more and more free within, I have let go of many critique worthy things that I have observed in my environment. I have grown more compassionate and accepting. One thing, perhaps my main pet peeve still has a stronghold though and today is a good day to do away with it, as I've just nurtured this place of irk-dom within me, perhaps to keep having some reason to get huffed up and have a dramatic reaction within myself. At this point, the tedium of having this pet peeve and keeping it alive outweighs the loss of drama it's disappearance would most certainly bring.
OK - here it goes: My main pet peeve is "ignorance". I absolutely go bunkers within when I'm faced with ignorant people. Ignorance is defined as: "The condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed."
Mind you, I have no problems where being educated, aware and informed isn't expected, due to age, personal background etc. I have absolutely no issues with that. The way my pet peeve keeps alive and signaling it's mirror thing is when I am faced with people who COULD technically be aware, but refuse to (for whatever reason). Frankly, what good does it do that people are THAT uninformed? (when it comes to topics that I am fascinated with ...teehee). The full hypocrisy of my own pet peeve is just about now hitting me full force. OK - there are topics where others are fully informed and these topics just bore me, so I don't even bother to be informed - I'm utterly ignorant of certain things, that I could get educated on and become aware of. I just don't "want" to get educated in politics for example, it's just not something that interests me at all. I'm utterly and entirely ignorant when it comes to this topic and I have to admit that I'm ignorant. I'm my own pet peeve! There's the mirror, the one bit I have so strongly avoided to integrate. There is no shame in admitting this, it's just a process, I am in cleaning mode and I'm cleaning my own "house".
Upon seeing through the woven fabric of my pet peeve, I see that it has been waving it's mirrored flag at my face for years. I've successfully been ignorant of it !.... This moment makes me break into a big fat grin - I do love word games! It's hilarious, it's refreshing that I don't have to uphold my ever so pompous allknowingness any longer to maintain this pet peeve. It's ok to focus on certain topics and not on others. I know that, have known that all along, but my own inner standards for myself were out of proportion, therefore I had created this pet peeve that kept me out of balance and at the same time signaled this imbalance to me ever so forcefully. I feel its hold on me diminish as I honestly take a look at it and untangle myself from it's hold. Accept, integrate and skip on happily to the next task, no need to dwell.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Beauty
Isn't it so, that for many, the idea of being beautiful is just somewhat garbled. I can tell from my own experience that childhood experiences have left me believing that I could never be as beautiful as my sister for example. I was ok, sure, but there were too many flaws in my outer appearance that I could embrace any kind of concept of beauty. This stance of "I'm ugly - or if I'm not ugly, then I'm at least not beautiful" (it varied from time to time within those parameters), was then of course reflected back at me by my peers who actually teased me for my glasses, for my mannerisms, then for my height, for my way of dressing (comfort over fashion) and so the list goes on.
Of course there were those fine souls who tried very hard not to comply with my own program of "I'm ugly". They reassured me how beautiful I am, inside and out (strangely enough, always the "inside" part was more beautiful than the "outside") and by simply not believing those dear ones who thought me beautiful on all levels, I managed to stay ugly, stay true to the perceptions that were a direct result of my own mother telling me I was "distinctive", whereas my sister, now she was downright beautiful. It is incredibly fitting that the word for "distinctive" in German is "apart", which used in English again means "separate". And that was the feeling it created in me. Distinctive was possibly meant in a positive manner, but all I could sense from that word was that I was a freak, that I didn't belong with the beautiful people.
During many swirls along my own spirals of development, I've revisited this theme over and over again. I do not feel the need to go into details, but I want to speak of the glory of the moment this program ceased to keep a hold on my perception of myself. It was not too long ago, when I saw in an acquaintance who had just crossed my path, a beauty that touched me deep inside. It was outer beauty combined with inner beauty and wisdom that I saw. Who knows at this point, what the purpose of meeting this person had, but what I saw was breathtakingly beautiful.
I saw this beauty with the eyes of a child. It was mesmerizing. It is very possible (almost inevitable) that only I would see this beauty this way, meaning that to another person this soul would be just a fleeting thing, nothing of impact. I even had that feedback, when I showed a photograph and got some shoulder shrugs for it. That's when it dawned on me, that I was just looking in a mirror. I was seeing myself in this person's beauty. It was this same kind of beauty that I knew I held. There was so much reflected in this person's face that I could recognize, the beauty and the power it held. Inside and OUT.
A long while back, I had resigned to my inner beauty being the only beauty for me. I really just surrendered to what I believed was a fact that "OK there's some really physically beautiful people out there and I just have to live with that." I had given up seeking the beauty that defined myself on the physical plane. I had even thought that it was more spiritual that way. I was so totally wrong. Only when I realized that this mirror, this image of beauty that I saw, was my own inner AND outer beauty as well, did I realize that only by embracing this physical form and it's expression and deeming it beautiful have I fully accepted my beauty. Inner beauty alone, just didn't cut it, nor was it completely balanced spiritually.
I am deeply grateful for this person to show me my own beauty on all levels and I am more than thrilled to begin this new year with that integrated bit of knowledge, for I know that even though you won't find me on any red carpet any time soon, I will feel beautiful inside and out nonetheless and by feeling this way, I will be able to contribute more than ever before to the overall beauty of my reality and with that to the beauty of the experience in the physical realm.
We are what we see all around us, the mirror exists for every detail, beautiful or not so beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder they say, I deem it the job of the beholder to recognize true beauty where it is apparent.
Of course there were those fine souls who tried very hard not to comply with my own program of "I'm ugly". They reassured me how beautiful I am, inside and out (strangely enough, always the "inside" part was more beautiful than the "outside") and by simply not believing those dear ones who thought me beautiful on all levels, I managed to stay ugly, stay true to the perceptions that were a direct result of my own mother telling me I was "distinctive", whereas my sister, now she was downright beautiful. It is incredibly fitting that the word for "distinctive" in German is "apart", which used in English again means "separate". And that was the feeling it created in me. Distinctive was possibly meant in a positive manner, but all I could sense from that word was that I was a freak, that I didn't belong with the beautiful people.
During many swirls along my own spirals of development, I've revisited this theme over and over again. I do not feel the need to go into details, but I want to speak of the glory of the moment this program ceased to keep a hold on my perception of myself. It was not too long ago, when I saw in an acquaintance who had just crossed my path, a beauty that touched me deep inside. It was outer beauty combined with inner beauty and wisdom that I saw. Who knows at this point, what the purpose of meeting this person had, but what I saw was breathtakingly beautiful.
I saw this beauty with the eyes of a child. It was mesmerizing. It is very possible (almost inevitable) that only I would see this beauty this way, meaning that to another person this soul would be just a fleeting thing, nothing of impact. I even had that feedback, when I showed a photograph and got some shoulder shrugs for it. That's when it dawned on me, that I was just looking in a mirror. I was seeing myself in this person's beauty. It was this same kind of beauty that I knew I held. There was so much reflected in this person's face that I could recognize, the beauty and the power it held. Inside and OUT.
A long while back, I had resigned to my inner beauty being the only beauty for me. I really just surrendered to what I believed was a fact that "OK there's some really physically beautiful people out there and I just have to live with that." I had given up seeking the beauty that defined myself on the physical plane. I had even thought that it was more spiritual that way. I was so totally wrong. Only when I realized that this mirror, this image of beauty that I saw, was my own inner AND outer beauty as well, did I realize that only by embracing this physical form and it's expression and deeming it beautiful have I fully accepted my beauty. Inner beauty alone, just didn't cut it, nor was it completely balanced spiritually.
I am deeply grateful for this person to show me my own beauty on all levels and I am more than thrilled to begin this new year with that integrated bit of knowledge, for I know that even though you won't find me on any red carpet any time soon, I will feel beautiful inside and out nonetheless and by feeling this way, I will be able to contribute more than ever before to the overall beauty of my reality and with that to the beauty of the experience in the physical realm.
We are what we see all around us, the mirror exists for every detail, beautiful or not so beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder they say, I deem it the job of the beholder to recognize true beauty where it is apparent.
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